#3 Film Festivals
January 18, 2008 by clander
White people can’t enough of Film Festivals. Especially Sundance, Toronto, and Cannes. The reason why they love them so much can be due to a number of factors.
Fact #1 - 90% of white people have taken a film class at some point in their life.
Fact #2 - White people like feeling smart without doing work - 2 hours in a theater is easier than 10 hours with book.
Fact #3 - If white people aren’t going back packing, they generally like to travel with a specific purpose.
Fact #4 - 75% of white people believe they either have the potential to or will become filmmakers/screenwriters/directors at some point.
Fact #5 - White people hate stuff that is ‘mainstream’ - so they go to film festivals where they see movies that every other person in their demographic wants to see. It’s a pretty sweet way to rebel.
Fact #6 - It is required by white person law, that you publicly declare that foreign cinema is better than Hollywood Cinema, and on par with Indie Film.
Fact #7 - White people earn credibility by being into film from strange countries - “oh you liked Batman? Yeah, I didn’t see it, I’m really into Serbian film now. They had a great retrospective at the Vancouver Festival.”
See the tramp on the left? That coat is hiding a diaper, I KNOW IT
I pooped my pants
But you have to admit… There are A LOT of crappy, predictable, brain-numbing Hollywood films. It’s nice to see some competition from the “Independent Film” genre. I would like to think it encourages big studio execs to take risks and make intelligent movies every once in a while.
Maybe I’m just too white and nerdy (like the Weird Al song…), but some of my favorite films are indie-like movies. I’m not sure always what constitutes an indie film exactly, but I imagine a low budget and no-name talent to be factors. Recently I saw Cloverfield and thought it was brilliant (sort of chilling!). But I also liked the last Batman. Variety is important, considering Hollywood is so homogenized. Sure, a lot of Indie films are “white” but this genre gives ample opportunity for directors of all ethnic backgrounds to get their art out to the public.
When I saw my first slapstick comedy from France that was awful, (not just awful, but GodAwful) I was shocked, SHOCKED! I guess I realy assumed nothing but Golden Globes came out of Europe.
WHITE PEOPLE ALERT. The use of the word “homogenized” is a dead give away.
Sure, a lot of Indie films are “white” but this genre gives ample opportunity for directors of all ethnic backgrounds to get their art out to the public.
Another reason white people like Indie Films
Did you have to say “tramp”? Can you be funny without being misogynist? Or is that too much to ask.
Shut up, you idiot broad.
Shut up, wench. Get me a beer and keep your yapper shut or I’ll punch you in the baby.
Tramp is by no means misogynist. It’s a unisex slur.
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
If you really thought you were funny and not racist, would you be anonymous.
Anonymous number 5 is a racist.
the state of indie film today is just as restrictive as the state of hollywood film….
telling the same stories with the same cast of characters
white people get to be angsty, emotional, deep to some degree
non white people get to be fighting for their existence against the oppression they live under due to their race (or class, sometimes)
Sorry, it’s not indie if it’s regurgitated hollywood formulas produced for 1 million as opposed to 20 million.
it’s marketing.
In reality, there are two stories (maybe more) a movie can be broken down to. Here are some, feel free to fill in any not on the list:
>Person A falls in love with person B, but can’t be together from reason(s) X,Y, and/or Z.
-or-
>Person A most overcome (insert group or adversity) to prove point/get prize/save (blank)
I’m white and I have never gone to a film festival. Wanna hang out with me man? Probably not because I did take a film class in school. I read about 2-4 books every month - am I cool again? Other reasons to think I’m cool: I have never been backpacking, I don’t have potential as a filmmaker, I hate most stuff that is mainstream and also most stuff that is indie, I haven’t watched much foreign cinema at all. Let’s hang, bro.
Okay, I can’t decide between saying “I’m not your bro, bro” or making a bro rape reference.
Being overly sensitive to gender terms is also very white.
imwhiteandi: you can be cool AND white, honey! owning your whiteness would actually make you COOLER than trying to distance yourself from it, i think… Why do white people self-depreciate so?
Associating “whiteness” with being uncool is a cop-out - so that when they dont socially deal or engage with other ethnic minority communities everyone accepts it.
… that being said, as a black woman, i just DONT get ya’lls love of expensive sandwiches, indie music and co-op grocers. Whats with that? lol.
I go to film festivals, but the people at them are soooo annoying. I volunteer at them so I can get free passes, cause that shit is like $200 bucks for the weekend otherwise. Not to mention all the movies come back to back to back, so if you want food you usually have to opt for the $8.00 portobello mushroom and roasted red pepper sandwiches and a $2.00 bottle of water.
Another thing white people like: BOTTLED WATER! Aquafina water is literally JUST TAP WATER from Raleigh suburbs…
Nice prediction.
serbian films are pretty damn good though…
What makes Serbia such a “strange” country. I just visited, and it was a lot of fun, not so much strange.
It’s not nessacarily strange, its just, kinda… obscure, I think is the right word. Close enough
for about 5 minutes 10 or 15 years ago indie films were kinda innovative, now they’re just chintzy, sloppier versions of real movies.
Nowadays I see Sundance winner blurb on a DVD case & I drop it like a hot turd.
spot on. Spike Lee’s “Do the Right Thing,” and Tarantino’s “Pulp Fiction” ruined everything. Now EVERY studio has an “independant” film division, and “everyone” likes indie films. but what hurts most is……….I’m no longer special………..dammit.
i dont think you can get more hollywood than indie films. commercial for indie awards all had gazillion dollar movie stars in their conan boots.
God, white people do love film festivals. We all claim to have seen “hip” movies before they became popular, too. e.g.:
White Person #1: Have you seen Little Miss Sunshine yet?
White Person #2: Yeah, I saw it way before all of the buzz.
White Person #1: Me too. I mean, I help create the buzz.
I guess right now you could substitute Juno for Little Miss Sunshine. White people would hate if their 16-year-daughter became pregnant and/or had such a mouth on her, but they sure love to watch it!
#5 is also a coward.
i am not a liberal. i hate film festivals. just so you know, more hispanics and blacks are “liberal hippies” than white people.
Okay, thanks
“90% of white people have taken a film class at some point in their life.”
And THANK GOD they have! Otherwise, we’d be sitting through Saw XXVI!
Give it a couple years, I know they plan to make ten, including the ones already made.
“Fact #6 - It is required by white person law, that you publicly declare that foreign cinema is better than Hollywood Cinema, and on par with Indie Film.”
W.P.L.??? HILARIOUS!!!!
What’s up with #5? Is he/she trying to suggest that the “White People” list is nothing more than a list of racial slurs, nothing more than the equivalant of using the “N” word? I have to believe that no one is that sensitive or naive.
No, well kinda. He’s saying that SWPL is nothing more than a list of things a stereotypical white person would like. He’s just making fun of the person who created this.
So true. When I was in school, lots of Iranian films were the big buzz.
19 Frank R.
“90% of white people have taken a film class at some point in their life.”
And THANK GOD they have! Otherwise, we’d be sitting through Saw XXVI!
Amen!!! Preach it Crackah!
The big reason I (and most other White People who have access to them) love film festivals is that we get to see the buzzy indie foreign edgy film *first*. So when it finally comes up at the Angelika, you can say you went to the premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival six months ago. Serious WP cred there.
so true it hurts.
i took an iranian film class, during my university arts degree in communications. i also minored in fine arts. very very white.
“i’m really into serbian film.”
so excellent.
great blog!
If this is a satire on how pretentious people can get, then it’s a subtle one. Cause they just sound genuinely pretentious.
If you think this is true, then you’ve spent too much time on the internet, and have never actually been to, or had a conversation with someone who has been to a film festival.
[...] then they will be your friend and provide you with ample opportunities to sip wine and attend film festivals [...]
i looooove indie films haha.
Dan; poor guy sounds like he’s just toured all the film festivals, never leaving his comfort zone.
This poster has film festivals pegged 100%
i have attended a film festval in fact, and i have taken a film class in High school and college ect….. This is a brilliant blog I love the comments where people take it as a personal attack. That cracks me up every time
How the hell did the blogster just put “sundance” and “cannes” in the same sentence?
You think that sitting in front of a TV for two hours makes you smart? Well, then, great for you; you’ve never taken a serious film class. Try sitting in front of the toughest, most difficult movies in the world (like “Andrei Rublev” or “Jeanne Dielmann”
and THEN reading pages upon pages upon pages of very, very dense theory about them.
I hate the big-name film festivals. But I love film.
Dude, I lived in Park City, and let me tell you, that is 70% of the reason that I hate film festivals. Sundancers are rude bastards who can’t drive to save their lives, and they think that the natives are hicks.
The other 30% of the reason that I hate fests is because film festivals don’t subtitle their films, and I can’t help but feel bitter when I get excited for a movie and sometimes go as far as paying $10 for a ticket to watch it… but I can’t watch it because I’m deaf. But, hey, that’s life.
I’ve seen lots of indie films and lots of foreign films and lots of Hollywood films.
Foreign tends to be better because some countries actually fund weird directors. Or foreign tends to be crappy because it is mass-produced. (Take Bollywood, for example. Can’t stand the stuff.) Or foreign is just shitty or good no matter where it’s from.
Indie tends to be better because the director actually knows what he is doing. Or it tends to be shitty because… well, #7 covered it.
Hollywood all around tends to be brainless fun. Sometimes that’s what I want to rest from my long day. Most of the time, it’s not what I want. Another rom-com involving the “hot” actor and the “hot” actress of the day? No, thanks.
Personally, I like certain movies because they’re good and I hate certain movies because they’re bad. Doesn’t matter if it’s Taiwanese or made by a single mom, it’s still a bad movie. Doesn’t matter if it’s made by The Man, it’s still a good movie. Et Cetera.
That being said, though, I will admit that my movie tastes are strange and come off as pretentious at times. That’s why I don’t talk about film unless I know that you also love film to an embarrassing degree.
I also don’t want to be a filmmaker. I want to curate movies for film festivals and have NO CONTACT AT ALL with the film festival attendees. And, since I must watch movies with subtitles, I’ll be curating for foreign film festivals.
And, the three top film industries of the world:
-Hollywood.
-Bollywood. (India.)
-Nollywood. (Nigeria.)
The last two are sssssssssooooooooooo white! They blind me with their Nordic creed!
Wow. He man, can we, I don’t know, hang out. You know, just kinda, for one day, chill (excuse my neo-prep language)?
Wow I said it on another post but us white people take a lot offense to this. I personally find most of this stuff hillarious. On every comment page I’ve seen there’s always a handful of people who hafta say “Well I’m white and I never.” Yes obviously just because you’re white it doesn’t mean you necessarily go on Film Festival tours or stand completely still at concerts (my personal favorite). Sometimes you hafta learn to laugh at yourselves. I guess saying this makes me kind of a white Uncle Tom…an Uncle Patrick if you will.
Know what white people enjoy as much as film festivals?
The Independent Film Channel
No, they can’t. They love not having a TV.
that is SO true!
[...] X#3 Film Festivals [...]
I have never been to a film festival. But I have allways wanted to go.
I just thought it was cause I wanted to educate myself on things other than the mainstream. I thought: “Hey, this is my own personal interest.”
But Damn it all it was my geneology and destiny from the start.
Shoot!
-snaps fingers-
Ohh and by the way, I don’t take any of this to offence.
I think this is all hilarious, because with everyone that I have read so far I could think of a white person that does one of these things.
It says that white people hate stuff that is mainstream but they also love Starbucks. That is quite the contradiction. A lot of whiteys like Walmart as well. That be mainstream. So I presume that what you are trying to do is see all of the baggage people being to your blog. Since this is more about what you don’t say than what you do say I can only imagine that you are not really interested in statistics and or whether it is a minority or all of that other stuff that kills generalizations.
Big companies white people like:
>Target
>Ikea
>Apple
>Starbucks
>Any outdoor clothing brand
It’s funny how they contradict themselves by hating big companies.
fact: 90% of white people have taken a film class…….!!!?? Holy crap I hope their aren’t uneducated people on here reading this. So you are saying that 100% of white people go to college? That is the only way that white people could have a 90% ratio of having taken a film class. Most high schools don’t offer it and good percentage of white people don’t even finish high school. All of your facts are way off if you are going to generalize “white people” as doing it. It seems to me that this category should say elitist, pretentious, and college educated white people do these things. Which if that is the case then that is a huge minority of white people who actually fit into this blog.
WHITE, UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS, HIPSTERS. THAT IS WHO THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT FOR THE BILLIONTH AND A HALF TIME.
If white people are into mainstream then how the heck does some of these imbecilic comedies that come out of hollywood make so much money?
Say that again, but either add a “not” after “are” or replace “mainstream” with “Indie”.
Oh and American has to be added. This should actually be about a very small minority of elitist, pretentious, and college educated American white people.
You forgot Tribekka. DeNiro is gonna be pissed!
You forgot Tribeca. DeNiro is gonna be pissed!
Seriously, people
It’s a joke
A true joke
But a joke
This list seems more like its all stuff that other races don’t like…and to me that is racist!
http://www.garbarrassing.com
for funny stuff that everyone likes…
Ya, this is funnier. Hate to say it, but taboo is funny. The more offensive, the funnier.
Haha. Hell yes–my aunt’s always like, “I’ve really been into writers from russia lately.”
#31, oh please. I too spent 4 years in film school. You don’t have a patent on watching Andrei Rublev and reading pages and pages on film theory, ok? Give me a break. Get over yourself. For what it’s worth, I actually consider Andrei Tarkovsky as a personal favorite director, but I love craptastic movies (YES MOVIES, NOT FILMS but MOVIES) just as much as the next schmoe. For god’s sake if it really bugs the shit out of you, then why don’t you move from Park City? This blog is full of shit and funny at most times. There’s nothing wrong in taking things with a pinch of salt. And for those who give a flying fuck, I’m asian and female. And I found the blog entry on Asian Females funny to boot.
I think this is more the sub-type “California White” than the genus “White”.
Well, at least no one had to tell you
The people who comment on these posts are so white.
LOL @ 38 thinking that the author was actually trying to be factual.
LOL @ anybody getting seriously offended by this list.
People are stupid as fuck.
This keeps getting better and better. I am the first person to rent the one box available rental movies that won all kinds of Sundance Film Festival awards or documentaries at Blockbuster. I thought I was just not into the box office films but apparently it’s a world wide white thing to do.
I love movies of all kinds. From independent films to hollywood blockbusters. The only independent film company that comes out with some great, most good, and a lot more bad ones is Troma. I have I don’t know maybe 15-20 of their dvds. I was never into independent films till I watched The Toxic Avenger. Gore was made with melons, wigs, and butcher scraps. Sometimes you don’t need all those special effects to make a pretty freakin’ sweet movie. Other good Troma movies include all 4 Toxic Avengers, Hellblock 13, Terror Firmer, Tromeo & Juliet, and Bloodsucking Freaks!!!!! Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz keep rockin’ … May even go to NYC to check out the studio.
White people are such an easy target. Take some chances and challenge yourself and your comedic aspirations; you might rise above “blog writer” and compete with the Stewarts, Conchords and others who don’t fall back on the sam