#21 Writer’s Workshops
January 23, 2008 by clander
It’s no secret. White people want to be writers. Why wouldn’t they? Work 10 hours a week from a country house in Maine or England. Get called a genius by other white people, and maybe get your book made into a film.
Every single white person harbors this dream. No matter what they tell you, all of them have at least one chapter of a novel stashed away somewhere.
Being a marginally crafty race, white people will often seek out every possible route to achieving this goal, and one of the most popular methods has been writers workshops.
These are expensive mini go-to-school type vacations. Where you talk with a published writer (often someone you haven’t heard of, but they have a book on Amazon) who will tell you how they became writers. If there is time, they will listen to you read your stuff and tell that you it’s good but it needs work on a) structure, b) characters, c) dialogue. Then they will collect their check and go back to their country house or studio apartment in New York.
I just dont write gang signs in workshops fool, i write them in bafroom stallls too!
I pooped my pants
me too
o/
I think I will.
LMFAO
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
yeah brah keep up the war on those reverse racist bastards want to catch a david matthews band concert w/ me l8er
That’s fine and well! But the site ain’t ’bout us! It’s about you!
Anonymous,
If you cannot see the obvious difference you are quite daft.
I’m white and about the last place in the world I’d want to be is at a writer’s workshop. I feel so cool now.
But crap! I want to be a writer. I will flog myself repeatedly with War and Peace. I am lame.
whoa.
that looks like a great place to meet chicks if youre a pathetic old nancy boy with a ponytail and/or a beard
How dare we want to be creative and successful. What the hell are we thinking? White people.. Sheesh.
Well Scott,
Your post, which betrays little in the way of creative daring or potential success does a good job of reversing any intended irony, and, if was intended as compelling defense fo the worthiness of writing workshops, I feel validated in never having attended any. Sheesh?
Ah yes… the writer “poseurs”. Speaking as someone who actually makes a living as a writer (but not a novelist or anything like that) - these people tarnish the profession. It’s amazing how many people call themselves writers just because they can type on a keyboard or hold a pencil and make marks on paper. Good writing is a skill that takes time and practice to learn. Kudos to those who are truly devoted to improving their writing - but a lot of people take a course or a workshop and start thinking they are going to be the next Stephen King. That’s like thinking you were going to be the next Einstein after watching an episode of Nova.
No. Shit dude, that happened to a friend of mine. Watched Nova special and like a week later wrote a dissertation on the application of nutonion mechanics to the reverse engineering of astrol decompressions. And now he’s famous. for real.
Paul is a much better writer than Sarahm.
And way less pretentious. Also, Stephen King :: Literature as Einstein :: Science is a horrible analogy. If you are a real author, you should be able to pick out a better author than Stephen King.
Go Paul!!!!!!!1one
Sarahm: You are so right on. As another writer, this is one of my pet peeves. There’s a very funny book by a woman whose name now evades me, she also wrote The First Wives Club; this other book is The Bestseller, and it’s a great spoof on writers. My favorite part that I’ll remember forever is the character based on Jacqueline Susann who throws a hissy fit because everyone wants to write a book. She wonders why they all have to horn in on her territory, when, after all, she doesn’t try to do brain surgery, or to paint murals or whatever. It’s really quite hilarious.
Ah yes, Kudos to you, writeur poseur…
Check. I’m white.
(Anyone else notice that writers writing about writing makes up about 50% of all writing?)
Paul is a much better writer than Sarahm and Marcy.
Dave makes an interesting point.
Having attended many writer’s workshops in the past, I’m taking it to the next level in the fall and actually teaching a writer’s workshop.
This is kind of like black people all having a rap song tucked away, dreaming about not only robbing the liquor store but making MORE money off of writing a song about it. Double score! They all have this dream when they’re teens, you see them gathing in the weedy front lawn of the rented house rapping to each other about all the illegal activities they aren’t quite brave enough to commit yet. Ahh, the life, you can climb out of your shit hole neighborhood, (the one you spray painted just last week) and collect that check but in order to keep it real you decide to stay put in ‘hood, you know, for authenticity.
I don’t understand why so many comments, like JENN’s, stoop to petty racism. What is there to get offended about here? Are you people so insecure that you will descend to parodying African Americans and other races, but particularly blacks? The assumption that the authors of this site are black and not Asian or Latin or brown is interesting, as though they are the natural opposition to whites who would of course say things like this. Even if the authors are black, they’re not really being racist here. They’re not, for example, listing “Colonialism” or something controversial like that in their blog–water bottles and writers workshops and expensive sandwiches are not the stuff of true dissension and hardly merits the undermining of an entire group of people. What the hell is wrong with you?
…this is ALMOST like those black people having rap songs tucked away — those sordid raconteurs, with their chintzy dreams, and poorly rhymed schemes — and almost as funny.
But what isn’t funny is your thinly veiled hostility.
Did the blog hit to close to home? Have you had one too many bad run-ins with black persons, or are you merely pontificating, having watched a little too much of “The Wire?”
I wouldn’t say my dream is to become a full time writer, I enjoy writing for my own purposes. I can admit that none of my work is decent enough to be published into something amazing and I accept that.
I’d have to say people may also attend such workshops to gain the knowledge that wasn’t taught back when they were in school. As education has developed, students today recieve much of the information that is taught in these workshops- adults who have long since been in school attend these for a variety of reasons.
I don’t understand why so many comments, like JENN’s, stoop to petty racism. What is there to get offended about here? Are you people so insecure that you will descend to parodying African Americans and other races, but particularly blacks? The assumption that the authors of this site are black and not Asian or Latin or brown is interesting, as though they are the natural opposition to whites who would of course say things like this. Even if the authors are black, they’re not really being racist here. They’re not, for example, listing “Colonialism” or something controversial like that in their blog–water bottles and writers workshops and expensive sandwiches are not the stuff of true dissension and hardly merits the undermining of an entire group of people. What the hell is wrong with you?
Bananafish, yes, the thing with this blog is the ambiguity. I can’t be sure, but I assumed all the time this is just one white person’s brillant joke. Is it irony? (Something white people like). I’m no joke expert, but never heard a black a Jewish comedian make lines like this.
Of course, white people lament the poor quality of their education in “public schools” unless they did not go to a public school. Thus, through “continuing education,” “creative workshops” “spiritual healing” and “life-long learning” white people been able to overcome their inferior education and under-achiever past by getting together with “like-minded adults” drink tea and read Proust.
And, of course, they support educational system reform and “choice in schools” because, as white people, they can practice segregational racism but claim it is all in the name of quality choice in schools. Choice was something they did not get with their sweaty, overcrowded, spitball, inferior 50s and 60s education in public schools named after dead presidents.
But its not about racism — its about “choice.”
This is true. I would really like to be a writer, but I’m practical and know I’ll never make it as that, so I’m going to study science next year. I have started writing a screenplay (perhaps worse than writing a novel) but I realize it is no good.
A good tip if you get stuck talking about a white person’s recent writer’s workshop: make sure you casually mention the word “craft.” People who go to writer’s workshops love to pretend that writing is like woodworking or something, and love to call it a “craft.” Suggested usage: “I’d kill to have the luxury to take a weekend and polish my craft.” Major white person points.
Ouch. This hits home. One of my best friends teaches in a W’shop. He’s published and won prizes. I admit to being averse to wkshops; it’s a bit of a racket. One wonders if Tolstoy or Dostoevsky or Melville would have happened if they attended such sessions. Oh well, easy targets, but i have to say that these programs and workshops have successfully tapped into many Americans’ appetite for fame and celebrity. But puh-lease, no more memoirs — a genre too many people are writing and, alas, reading.
Brilliant! Just attended one this weekend! Ha! I’m sosososososo white…
So are you saying it would be a big faux pas to ask an African-American to read my script that has an African-American Anti-hero since I’m white?
All this crap describes liberal white people. Execpt, liberal white people never vote Repbulican. Liberial white people are Democracts and believe they know what is best for black people. The irony is Black people believe the liberal white people. Thereby the Democract party, the party of slavery, the KKK, “Jim Crow” and segration keep black people on their liberal plantation.
White people are VERY serious about their personal identities. Thusly, you get several comments on each post having to do with “I’m white, but I don’t like blah, blah” or this “ain’t” what I call white. Or they want to turn social satire into a platform for venting their spleen of political malaise.
Obviously not all white people can take a joke.
More on topic, if you’d like to read to the first chapter of my new novel, “Diddly doo Who are You?” here’s a link.
I woke up this morning, a rainy Sunday morning, having completed my fifth Writers Workshop yesterday. “I am sooooooo bored,” I thought. “Shall I read a book today or write one?”
My workshop group members are outraged by this site.
Don’t know about this one. I work with a chinese guy as my writing partner and do work shops with two of my best friends who are El Salvadorean. An work shop I go to there are people of all races there, so there you have it, EVERY RACE, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, HAS A DREAM OF BEING COMFORTABLE, IF YOU DON’T THEN WHY ARE YOU WRITING THIS?
For those other morons, who is to say that the author of this blog is black? So try not attacking other races because you feel as if this is a truth or something. Most of the stuff attributed here is actually a very small minority of white Americans. The majority of white americans I dare say don’t even read books much less want to be writers.
I think Tony Morrison would take some Umbrage.
Or is it Toni?
….and I’m guessing the magnitude of these writer’s workshop attendees use a Mac.
The graduate school I’m enrolled in included a week long writer’s workshop in the curriculum. But in my defense, at least I’m getting a teaching degree, so it results in a real job. However, 1 out of the 60 people in my ‘highly selective’ program is not white. Have no fear though, I’m their token gay!
I am part of a writing group, but the organizer doesn’t really care about paying dues ($5 every 6 months). I don’t think these are bad at all. Writers need a support network like everyone else. It helps you get your work out, plus you can get some valuable feedback. But if we’re talking about conferences with a $250 admission fee for a few hours, then that’s just stupid.
I’ve actually met and corresponded with published authors regarding my material for no charge.
However, I agree that people throw “writer” around a little too loosely. I actually hate it when people call me that because I haven’t published anything yet. I always correct them by throwing in “aspiring” in front of it so they understand the difference.
But this is an age when people can paint themselves as experts on any subject after taking an online course or reading a book.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22only+difference+between+a+writer+
This post is so true, especially for women who are in their middle years. My mother’s generation reacted to the empty nest syndrome by acquiring real estate licenses. Women from my generation take up writing workshops where they blog endlessly about the act of writing. You know, following their bliss and all.
#31, this is soooo true! And I am so bloody sick of it all. I love the “empty nest” syndrome mythology. That’s definitely a white thing. Hasn’t Oprah done a show on it yet? If she hasn’t, then it isn’t allowed.
The worst part of it is that these are the same women who pushedpushedpushed-shovedshovedshoved their way through their careers and kids and “having it all” looking down at every woman who wasn’t making $$$ married to a stockbroker/dr./lawyer. Now they obsess over their bodies and their “creativity”. PS: I took a writer’s workshop last spring. I am actually a good writer. And white and old, too.
It’s funny that this entry about writing doesn’t even have complete sentences. Mostly fragments.
some comedians do really well by pointing out universal truths…but this is neither funny nor is it very universal.
im thinking of a word to describe it. its kinda garbage…and its kinda embarrassing.
YES, it is GARBARRASSING!!!
http://www.garbarrassing.com
for funny stuff that everyone likes…
made with comedy, not crap
man this blog cuts a little deep sometimes. bravo.
Garbarrassing. Good stuff–I like that phrase a lot!
So fitting for so many things….
I guess I’ve just never understood why, in the guise of humour, people feel the need to cut people down.
Even if an individual thinks he/she has recognized what they feel are stereotypes–why is it so funny, so cool, to ridicule? People crave community and belonging; it’s not new. We like to do things other people do (like visit odd blogs and post to them, showing either our hip “in your face, yeah!” nerve, or our self-righteous indignation, or our whatever…).
So you hate writing workshops. Then maybe just don’t go?
Offended by wannabe writers–Well, isn’t that how all the greats started out? Labelled as deluded-do-nothings that we now laud as genius?
How (WHY?) do we criticize people for exploring their potential (and maybe, gasp, having some fun)?
The Empty-nest myth–perhaps it’s an unrelatable-to concept for some, but why is it so unfathomable that different people experience things _differently_. Big changes of any kind are bound to leave some confusion and muddling about time–If you’ve dedicated a long time for caring for your family, you suddenly have some serious hours available for introspection when they move out. Apparently a similar feeling of “What now?” hits individuals who’ve cared for a dying loved one for a long time.
And the Mac comment–the suppositions surrounding what type of person uses what kind of computer are so weird! Eliticism thrives everywhere.
There is so much hate in the world–What’s funny about it? I laugh at things that point out the flaws in me in a way that makes me want to change, not hide in a closet and cower.
Wow, so seriously without this sense of humour today…
Eileen
wow. such passionate responses, often using very big words. I just thought it was a funny little essay. loved response #22–that was a joke, right, Bill?
Eileen– Your message is received and understood re: “Empty Nest Syndrome”.
What perhaps was either not communicated well or that you did not understand was the cultural stereotype of “Empty Nest Syndrome.” Women who have judged other women for not having kids, for example, or leading a life other than that mythically known and universally respected (in the US “white” suburban culture) “Soccer Mom” stereotype are the first to scream that they suffer from “Empy Nest Syndrome.”
It’s just another in a long-line of experiences that we may all experience (yes, regardless of race or gender or religion) at many points in our lives, that has been co-opted by the “majority” (ie., rich/white/breeders) as the only time one can feel/experience anything like this–like loss, for example. I do personally appreciate your understanding that one could also experience this perhaps after losing a loved one. Loss and/or re-evaluating of one’s life after loss of any kind is a human thing to do. One can even re-evaluate one’s life without the socially acceptable prompt (divorce! empty nest! infertility!) It’s the taboo in our society that makes the act done merely for the sake of the humaness of it that irritates and lessens those who have no cultural stereotype which to hide behind.
Empty Nest is only ONE way, not the only way to do re-evaluate. And those empty-nesters should have a little understanding about others, which they usually don’t (isn’t that a “white” thing?: “I’m the only person who feels this way, and you can’t feel this way unless your three kids have been accepted at Ivy League universities far from home. Waaahhhh. Now what do I do with my life?)
I feel your pain, lol. Now get over it.
Sincerely
Eileen, I believe you’ve missed the point; the poster does not hate writers’ workshops. This whole blog criticizes people who get superficially involved in “culture” so that they can feel superior to others (which they would hotly deny, I’m sure). Social criticism of this kind is indeed valuable; if it wasn’t, would Swift’s Modest Proposal be a staple of American curricula? I mean really, the man suggested eating babies.
Hey,
Somewhat Old and White Woman: I just sometimes think everyone’s so quick to feel judged by others that they too quickly lump people together into stereotyped groups. Not every soccer mom is well, you know, a _soccer mom_ (and I’m not trying to do a whole “poor misunderstood rich white people thing”). I try to cut people breaks, because I find it hard to ever be the person I wish I was. Maybe I was just tired today. I get that way sometimes.
>>>And those empty-nesters should have a little understanding about others, which they usually don’t<<<
Absolutely.
Nicole: No, I get the whole point re: “This whole blog criticizes people who get superficially involved in “culture” so that they can feel superior to others,” and you are absolutely right about social criticism being valuable.
I guess I just don’t know if a blog entry like this isn’t just crossing over and becoming what it supposedly rails against–its own form of feeling superior. But that very well could be my own issue. I appreciate that people will view this type of humour very differently.
Eileen
You’re as wordy as Karla, go for it girls. Drama queens unite and get lost.
Eileen, got ya. Peace.
[...] course, the fun of Stuff White People Like is self-recognition. For example, #21 on the hit parade: Writer’s Workshops. It’s no secret. White people want to be writers. Why wouldn’t they? Work 10 hours a week from a [...]
As a professional writer/editor with a master’s degree in writing fiction, I’ve attended a number of workshops. None of them were “vacations,” mini or otherwise. Nor were they avenues to getting published. That requires talent and/or connections in the publishing world. The point of attending is to hone one’s skills under the guidance of a master. As for the instructors, I was fortunate enough to study with some well-known writers, including the 1993 Pulitzer winner.
My advice to people who are serious about writing (white or otherwise), and believe they could benefit from a workshop, is this: Do some research on the instructor(s). If you’re not excited by THEIR writing, you’re wasting your time, even if the workshop is in Hawaii. They have nothing to offer you.
Wait, 10 hours a week is going to let someone make it as a writer? Hell no.
Writing, good, sellable writing is a job just like any other. Most novels get a $5,000 advance IF THAT, after you spend over a year writing it between working a job to pay the bills, if you’re dedicated. That $5,000 advance came from well over 1,000 hours of work.
Anyone that thinks they can be a professional writer of any sort in 10 hours a week is deluding themselves. The only people that can sustain themselves on 10 hours of work a week are $200/hour whores, or the corporate elite.
I am amazed that people are getting angry over these posts. They poke fun at white people and they are funny. We all need to laugh at ourselves sometimes. I never read any malice or cruel intent. Its not 100% true of most people, but there are characteristics that are true and that makes it funny, to me. And yes, I am white and I do write for a living.
But I never attended a workshop!
i fucking hate writer workshops, lol …. i guess the real moral to this story is white people are suckers
As an MFA/Fiction white chick with a lot of friends who’ve done or are currently doing the MFA thing, I did get a chuckle out of this piece. That said, I appreciate everyone’s comments, particularly Eileen’s, about writing workshops not being a vacation and the relative luxury of being able to take the opportunity to get an MFA.
An MFA program of any stripe isn’t a walk in the park. It’s very hard work, and I’ve found writing especially lonely (I also act! Yipe! But I don’t have any sort of degree in that). It’s you, your thoughts, and your computer/notebook/Selectric. You aren’t buttressed by your fellow cast members or your director. You can learn to create the environment that will support you and your fellow writers to learn and grow, but it’s not built-in. And if you end up in a particularly nasty, cutthroat program with instructors who exploit the star system, who prize ass-kissing over talent and dedication, and who constantly reiterate that you’re there to write a particular type of fiction (usually “literary”, whatever that means, and it’s different for every race/color/creed/sex/ethnic group) instead of one in which the professors are interested in helping you develop who you are as a writer, it can be a devastating experience.
All things being relative, though, in a country in which a far-from-negligible slice of the population (mostly Black and Latino) is lucky to graduate high school, much less get a master’s degree in a not-specifically-career oriented field, it is truly a privilege to be able to do the MFA thing, even if you had a shitty time of it. And I think, in part, that huge disparity lends credence to the misconception that an arts degree is some kind of navel-gazing exercise, not that those of us who consider ourselves artists aren’t prone to some hardcore cases of that. Of course, the prevailing American attitude of “go to college so you can get a high-paying job” (for whites, “model minorities”, and Blacks and Latinos of Certain Income Levels) is a strong corrosive.
Bleaugh. That was heavy. I do love this blog, though.
Could you shorten it up some. You know, getting to the point.
Writers’ workshops are the bomb! Here’s the hitch, you guys: almost every single workshop offers funding for people who can write. So many of them don’t make you pay a dime if they think you’re good. Many will also feed you. One has done my laundry.
So if they don’t give you funding to attend, the message should be loud and clear: go back to your regular life, or go back to the writing desk. When you’re funded to attend, agents will pay more attention to you, as will the instructors, and it will be worth it to be there. I’ve seen too many people, white or not, drop 2 grand for the opportunity for 15 people to read their story, cough politely, and give gentle feedback so as not to hurt the feelings of someone who’s just paid 2 grand to be there.
And every writer in the history of writing has had a community, textual, worldly, or otherwise.
Fricking Shakespeare had his own writers’ community. Of course then, we called them “contemporaries.” If you think these guys weren’t reading each others work, you are sorely mistaken.
The bottom line is: go writers! Do it however, whenever you can! Just don’t give up. Ever.
This guy is pure bullshit.
Black people all want to be rappers or hip-hop promoters. Asian people all want to be doctors or pharmacists. I don’t know about Latinos. Any Latinos out there help on this one. Maybe it’s owning a landscaping company and employing whites.