#23 Microbreweries
January 24, 2008 by clander
White people don’t like stuff that’s easy to acquire. Beer is no exception.
They generally try to avoid beers like Budweiser, Labatt’s, Molson, Coors, and Heineken because if it’s mass produced it is bad. No exceptions.
So when they need a beer, they turn to microbrews who seem to be located almost exclusively in New England, Ontario, Quebec and Colorado. Being able to walk into a bar and order a beer that no one has heard of makes white people feel good about their alcohol drinking palate.
A friend of mine once met a white guy who brought a notebook with him to every bar. He would then keep a record of all the beers he drank and his experience with them. He called it his ‘beer journal.’
Also of note: most white people want to open a microbrewery at some point. One that uses organic hops.
You forgot California and Oregon! Soooo many microbrews… many of them very very good
I pooped my pants
San Diego is actually labeled the Microbrewery Capital of the world by multiple beer authorities including the late and great beer critic Michael Jackson. Stone Brewing, Alesmith, Alpine, Pizza Port, Lost Abbey and Ballast Point all rank in the top 20 in the Nation. 5 of the highest rated beers are from San Diego. Nor Cal also has some phenomenal breweries such as Lagunitas, Moylans, Bear Republic etc. Bottom line, I am white, and OBSESSED with microbrews!
i hate you
Oregon is definitely a big one. Dogfish Head makes a killer 120 minute I.P.A. It’s dry hopped every day for a month and is like 21% alcohol.
dogfish is delightful. and in delaware. snob!
Yes, Dogfish is great. The bar/restaurant is only a few blocs from the beach too. Covers the living by water thing too. Ahhh, but everyone knows the only GOOD beer you can get in from the Czech Republic.
Why, mercedesdriver, I do believe you’re forgetting the good people of Belgium. Why, when I was visiting Brussels, during my junior year abroad, I tasted some wonderful organic trappists from a microbrewery just outside of Bruges. Both myself and my gay friend Devin really enjoyed the experience. It was so… authentic, you know?
belgium does make some amazing beer, surprisingly so does japan, but my favorite beer is still from england
Wow.
Dogfish Head is from Delaware
shut up, you made that name up!
It’s 12% retard!
Oregon? “Like” Rehoboth, Delaware. At least they know their stuff.
Don’t forget the great state of Washington! We have at least 3 nationally known Micros: Hale’s, Pyramid, and RedHook. We also drink a lot (we drink more beer per capita here than anywhere else in the US). We drink double-fufu-lattes in the morning and fufu craft beer at night. If I’m gonna have to go to the gym to work off my beer belly, I might as well enjoy what I’m drinking. Prost!
Pyramid is brewed in Berkeley, CA. Accross the street from the infamous “Gilman” club.
Redhook is owned to a large extent by Anheuser-Busch so in my elitist opinion its not really a micro-brewery
Yeah, at least two of those beers pictured are from the North Coast of California. Old Rasputin is from Mendocino County and is one of my favorite beers. Great White is from Humboldt County but isn’t as good. Now I want to go get a microbrew. Damn, this entry is so true.
Philly has more than anyone!
Yeah, Oregon!
Microbrew Capital of the World! ( I think…
Black Butte Porter
funny, “black” beer - SWPL!
AND St. Louis has a ton of awesome microbreweries: Shlafly, Morgan Street Brewery, Trailhead, Square One, Wm. D. Alandale, City Grille, we loooooooooooove microbreweries in St. Louis!
St. Louis Microbrews are love. Cya at Square One =P
Boulevard destroys anything in St. Louis. But O’Fallon brewery is pretty good.
The snobbery is embarassing, but you have to admit Bud is like drinking piss.
[...] These sandwiches generally start at $8.99. Remember that whenever a white person says they wants to go to a sandwich shop you are looking at at least a $15 outlay after tip and drink, $20 if the place has a good selection of microbrews. [...]
[...] These sandwiches generally start at $8.99. Remember that whenever a white person says they wants to go to a sandwich shop you are looking at at least a $15 outlay after tip and drink, $20 if the place has a good selection of microbrews. [...]
i have a beer journal, i’m all IT, so it’s on excel
Pacific northwest is the best place for Micro-brew period! I now question all of your “white people wisdom” based on your lack of knowledge surround this ever important topic!
Pacific northwest is the best place for Micro-brew period! I now question all of your “white people wisdom” based on your lack of knowledge surrounding this ever important topic!
Skateboards are awesome though…
There are some exceptions for teenagers, liberal arts students, and poor white people: PBR (for hipsters who are watching their pocketbooks); High Life (it’s, like, the Champagne of of Beers); Mickeys grenades (it looks like a grenade!); OE, Iceman, Colt 45 (Lando Calrissian), or other malt liquor (’cause it’s old-school, and actually messes you up nicely if you can drink the whole 40 while it’s still cold.)
Lib Arts students only drink piss beer until they spend their junior year abroad. Then they (by they, I mean we) start to get all snobby about European “styles” of beer (Pilsner/Lager, Ale, Stout, Porter, Trappist, Abbey, Wiessbier, etc.). If you see someone drinking Leffe or Hoegaarden, there’s a good chance they’ve been to/know someone who’s been to Belgium or France. If you see someone drinking Grimbergen, that’s a step up, and you know this white person has actually been to Europe. If they’re drinking something from Witkap Pater or Wychwood, you are dealing with an advanced white person, and should ask them about their beer immediately. They will appreciate the opportunity to discuss their time abroad and how they came to have so distinguished a palate.
On another note, it is perfectly acceptable to drink Heineken in the company of white people, so long as you make sure to complain that it “tastes better in the Netherlands (be sure to pronounce the ‘th’ in Netherlands as a ‘d,’ as this is more ‘authentic’).” See the discussion of Guinness in the entry on St. Patrick’s Day for more on this phenomenon (although, to be fair, it actually does taste better in Amsterdam, because they don’t have to pasteurize it; also, light beers and most macrobrews actually do taste like watery piss in comparison to microbrewed beers, because microbrewers take more time to make sure their beer tastes good; this is not just a snob thing).
i drink hoegaarden. i have never been to college or out of this country (i’m not going to count canada when i was 5). i simply like the fact that it comes with an orange slice and it’s half-price during happy hour at the mexican restaurant (which is actually a hip, locally owned, downtown establishment owned by white people. awesome mahi mahi tacos).
Mudi-B,
If you think plowing through 1 “40″ is tough, may I suggest playing a round of Edward 40 hands. I did but a shorter life expectancy and this projectile vomit photo are all I have to show for my efforts.
http://bp3.blogger.com/_-kaZRQnINT8/RuTaN3rS8cI/AAAAAAAAADQ/5RjpQmuDi7I/s1600-h/perjectilevomit.jpg
He misses the best microbrews because this blog is written by a canadian I am sure.
Educated people are ALWAYS beer snobs. If they drink beer at all. Though most major beers are pretty poor.
Cheap beer gives me the runs….and that’s good!!!
Yes, this author is obviously not white enough (or is too Canadian). The west coast has many microbrews, especially northern california and the pacific northwest. In fact from what I’ve been told, the hipster, yet commercial microbrew trend started on that coast during the 70s and 80s before becoming ubiquitous everywhere else in the 90s and 00s.
how can someone be TOO canadian?,,,
Best micro, TNT, IronHorse,Sask Gold….umm unless you’re a wimp then you can drink BigRock
Quote: A friend of mine once met a white guy who brought a notebook with him to every bar. He would then keep a record of all the beers he drank and his experience with them.
These people are called “tickers”. They are similar to trainspotters, except they are usually less knowledgeable about the subject.
this one is somewhat true…i mean the snobbishness with white people is unbearable at times, especially when it comes to wine…but like seriously budweiser and coors light and all that shit is actually bad, like pisswater….not all the big companies are bad though…miller is pretty damn good and heinken is alright….but it actually is true that imports tend to be better…..for the record, i’m black
Most microbrews are from Colorado because they are produced by Coors (out of Golden, CO). Coors produces beer under something like 300 names, so that they can trick people into thinking that they are getting beer from some local brewery.
I’m actually glad this blog told me that I’ve lost status of being white (not because I’m not proud of being white, but because I’ve found about 3 things that apply to me…
Hah hah hah hah, I’d love to see the source of this information.
This is not true. Coors does make a few beers that some people consider microbrews (Blue Moon). But most of the microbrews made in Colorado are from independent breweries. Coloradans hate Coors as much as any other white person. We prefer our beer to come from organic wind-powered breweries like New Belgium.
And yet, even though you list New England, Ontario, Quebec and England as preferred places for whites to get microbrews, at least three of the beers pictured are from Mendocino County, California.
All of you are clearly forgetting one of the most concentrated beer producing regions of the country, the midwest and in particular, Michigan.
BELLS Brewing Inc!
(i needn’t say more according to Michael Jackson, but I will…
Arcadia Brewing Co
New Holland Brewing Co
Summit Brewing Co
plus dozens of others…
http://www.midwestmicrobrews.com/
I hate those snobs! LOL! anything less than New Belgium is absolutely horrid though! LOOOOOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
pooooooooooooop
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
I won’t call you racist: Dipshit
[...] like microbreweries and Sarah Sliverman and expensive sandwiches. The word about white people’s affinity for [...]
I’m white and my favorite beer is Thunderhole Ale that you can only buy in Maine, and I live in NC. I am so lame. I’ll stab myself in the dick 100 times with a broken microbrewery bottle in shame.
YES they DO!!
Are you all kidding me? In 2006, 30 microbreweries, more than one-third of the state total, were located in Portland. With 46 microbrew outlets, Portland has more breweries and brewpubs per capita than any other city in the United States. Many have won nationwide and international acclaim. Oregon has the most breweries per capita in the U.S. In addition the Portland-Metro area has the most breweries per capita of any city in the world. The Oregon Brewers Festival is the largest beer festival in North America.
Michigan and the midwest. LOL
Yes indeed! Bridgeport IPA is my favorite! I love beer, especially IPAs, and Oregon is beer heaven, Portland is beer bliss!
have a lick on me stick nigger fuck
Yeah this guy is from Ontario, Canada (heard him mention Lakeport)
and the first thing I thought was ‘oh hey Great White is in that picture. Good stuff’
[...] Microbreweries are right up there with other white people favorites such as Expensive Sandwiches, Living By the [...]
I live in Vermont. You do not know microbrews until you’ve lived in Vermont. (S)he is not off about the new england thing. There’s Otter Creek, Magic Hat, McNeils, Rock Art and tons more. When a big storm is brewing Vermonter’s run to the supermarket not for food, but for beer. For a state that has 8% of the population of New York City they have a ton of freaking beer. If (s)he is Canadian than (s)he is east coast.
from a beer making veiwpoint, bud,miller and coors are actually the highest quality beers out there. Now you might not like the taste, but it is a fact they are of the highest quality. The reason for this is because they are mass produced, so every batch has to be precisley the same. Mention this to a beer snob, and they will be silent(its priceless). I wouldn’t really call it a microbrew cause you can get it at almost any 7-11 but Blue Moon is my favorite beer.
you are wrong. the big breweries get their malt from rice, not barley. quality is in the malt.
you are an idiot
The macrobreweries have excellent “quality control” - in that its all exactly the same. Quality control and quality are NOT synonymous.
Portland is all microbreweries, and every white person there seems to work in one as a bartender… now that is one white city!
na! mi barista!
“A friend of mine once met a white guy who brought a notebook with him to every bar. He would then keep a record of all the beers he drank and his experience with them. He called it his ‘beer journal.’”
Sounds like he belongs to the new breed of anoraks, their reports are usually published on ratebeer (rather than shared at the usual pubs near a station, like the Doric Arch, previously known as the Head of Steam at Euston Station, London).
To #10
Also - if you live in Austin - which is a very Liberal White city, Lone Star is the alternative to PBR which is not as common in Texas.
Lone Star says it is the “National Beer of Texas”, and white people love irony.
Te one with the shark on it….Great White…from lost coast brewery here where i live
it is good
I submit my white-man beer journal as evidence.
You missed Pennsylvania — we have some of the best beers in the world (this is speaking as a longtime UK resident who honeymooned in Belgium) thanks to some outdated liquor laws (so they are good for something). It’s hard to beat a Victory Storm King Stout or Festbier. The Iron Hill Pilsner Barleywine I had at the beer festival I attended the other day was very much of the tasty too, even though it’s not one of my favorite styles. Did I mentioned I’m a certified beer judge, even though I’m female? Or that I grow my own hops? I admit I am probably the whitest person I know…
Highly amusing. I have linked to this from my beer blog. Cheers.
For the sake of your credibility you really need to update this post to include Portland, which is not only the microbrew capital but is also the whitest city of its size in the country.
This is fun enough. I will definitely use this post as a citation for a thesis that I am producing, “Which Way went the Wealthy White’s Whimsicalness.”
Now, that’s friggin’ funny!
And, for all that mess about how BudMillerCoors are the highest quality beers out there, don’t start with that. They may have the highest quality control because they need that consistency, but do not confuse quality control with high quality. In other words, they may be tough to brew, but that does not make them any good. They are just, consistently, the same bottle of garbage over and over again.
On that, I do applaud some of Coors’s efforts to get some good stuff out to the masses.
pshhhh. There are microbrews in utah too! buuut i do enjoy a good Squatters IPA!
I’ll try pretty much any beer. Not all microbrews are good and not all mass produced are bad. One of the shittiest pretentious beers would have to be Stella.
Ugh… Blue Moon is made by Coors in Colorado. So many people think it’s a Belgian import, and it drives me CRAZY. Drink Hoegaarden, and you’ll never think of Blue Moon as a Belgian white again. Regardless, my regular rants against Blue Moon are what landed me my job at… you guessed it… a microbrewery. Well, that and the fact that I’ve worked about a million beer tastings. Again… I’m so white it hurts.