#27 Marathons
January 26, 2008 by clander
In life, there are certain milestones of physical activity that can define you. A sub 5 second 40 yard dash, a 40 inch vertical leap and so forth. To a white person, the absolute pinnacle of fitness is to run a marathon. Not to win, just to run.
White people will train for months, telling everyone who will listen about how they get up early in the morning, they run when it rains, how it makes them feels so great and gives them energy.
When they finish the marathon, they will generally take a photo of themselves in a pair of New Balance sneakers, running shorts, and their marathon number with both hands over their head in triumph (seriously, look it up, this is universal).
They will then set goals like running in the Boston Marathon or the New York Marathon.
If you find yourself in a situation where a white person is talking about a marathon, you must be impressed or you will lose favor with them immediately. Running for a certain length of time on a specific day is a very important thing to a white person and should not be demeaned.
Also worth nothing, more competitive white people prefer triathlons because Kenyans can’t afford $10,000 specialty bicycles. If the subject ever comes up, just say that triathletes are in better shape than football and basketball players. It’s not true, but it will make the conversation a lot more genial.
http://www.latimes.com/la-he-triathlon4feb04,1,4112468.story?ctrack=1&cset=true
called it
I pooped my pants
I got a good laugh out of this, because I am a strength and conditioning coach at a Div I College and it amuses me that people think they need to buy the ipod and all the fancy running gear when our college cross country (black and white) just goes out and runs faster and longer with simply shoes and shorts (which i think is reasonable).
That being said, working with (competitive) athletes all day, you are right pro basketball and football players of any size are in better shape than the typical middle aged lawyer/triathlete.
But real runners and triathletes, I have noticed to be in exceptional shape. When I help with the track team we typically do the exact same workouts that the basketball team does, but after that instead of grabbing a protein shake and going to class like the basketball team, the track team has to go out for an 8 to 12 mile run.
now comparing real runners here (sub 2:20 marathon) with weekend warriors running 4 plus marathons obviously are about as similar as a house cat is to a tiger, and generally are in better shape than their football and basketball counterparts because fitness is the entire sport for these athletes whereas football, basketball, and baseball you can substitute fitness for the ability to hit a ball 40% of the time and you’ll still be considered great.
You probably won’t read this cause it is so long, but just clearing things up.
oh and its not Kenyans anymore, its Ethiopians.
your totally a white person.
“me me me me this is what I do please pay attention and be impressed.”
I think marathons are ready-made for those guys who couldn’t play ball in school because they were too clumsy and uncoordinated. With the invention of this exercise in self-flagellation known as the marathon, these guys can be “athletes,” too !
yeah, well, for all the hating on mr. lwb, can any of you run a marathon? are you proficient in any of the other, cooler sports mentioned? can you ride a bike for miles and miles? it’s not necessary to be rude just cause some white guy sounds like he knows what he’s talking about.
Hey, that’s why I started running marathons. There is very little coordination involved. Of course, there is the small matter of running those pesky 26.2 miles, in a row, on the same day. But at least I don’t have to dribble a ball whilst doing it!!
oh man, I got nailed. I am white. How white? I married a Mexican.
LOL @ “Also worth nothing, more competitive white people prefer triathlons because Kenyans can’t afford $10,000 specialty bicycles.”
LOL! A white friend signed me up with her for a triathlon in San Francisco. As soon as I found out we’d have to swim in the actual bay, I dropped out and signed up for a walkathon.
She immediately lost respect for me (and our friendship went bye-bye), but being able to sleep in on Saturday mornings helped me cope.
You needed her friendship like the Chinese needed help from the Japanese governing Nanking.
Hopefully you borrowed $20 before your friendship ended!
“Also worth nothing”
Don’t you mean “Also worth NOTING” rather than “nothing”??
Funny post nonetheless. Marathon running is actually bad for you, but don’t tell these people that.
“bad for you”????
I suppose not running is better for your heart
Yeah, and swimmers don’t use their hearts when they swim, and they’re in poor health. Because they’re not running. Do you see the logic? Me neither, because you don’t have to RUN to do cardio. Man.
I am white, I take offense…
I say anyone who trains for an athletic event deserves some respect, be it white 4+hour Marathoners or 350lbs Football players…
Mind you, the people most serious about Marathons are usually from Africa and not quite so white.
The main reason you don’t see a lot of black people in Triathlons is that, while they exceed at running, aren’t built for either swimming or cycling…
So you’re saying, generally speaking, blame it on the Sahara, and for not living in France…
Thats true… and while this post hit a little close to home. Marathons and Ironman events are the top sporting events because they are the only sporting events in which you can break a bone without crashing or running into a big burly guy
The more the marathon and triathlon becomes commercialised, the less respect I find people have for the training it takes to compete. I think there should be a entry standard for most of these events, then people would take it more seriously, however then these companies (selling equipment and clothing) wouldn’t make as much money…
About Ethiopians and triathlon, I bet if there were more of them in the sport they’d kick everyone’s butt as well, 10$ bike or 10,000$ bike. Although having a 10,000 bike does speed up your bike time… which is why I think it’s grossly commercialized… people with money can pay for their lack of fitness.
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
Such ignorance
White people, don’t take offense…just laugh, it’s OK…
This is a good post because marathon running can easily spill over to the other posts, like a person running a marathon will drive in their Prius (while listening to NPR) to some nearby lake or outdoor scenic area, will listen to his/her ipod while running, and this whole endeavor will cost a lot of money because they need the proper all-weather running gear (not unlike $$ spent on snowboarding crap) and cliff bars, protein shakes, Gu, etc. And, as mentioned in previous comment, it’s not actually good for you but people are driven to do it anyway. Never knew why until reading this.
Why is marathon running bad for you?
I don’t know about you, I’ve never heard anyone say “I’m not HURTING or IN PAIN” after a marathon.
That, and the fact that the REALLY good marathon runners look as flimsy as house made from a deck of cards. I’ve known runners who get totally upset stomach, whos nipples and thighs chafe, shin splints, sore jonts (especially the taller ones who are of “average” build), the 3 hours of pounding your knees, ankles, and hips, sore back, sore feet, blisters, all so they can say they “did it”. And these runners were more than just hobbyists. I’d rather do circuit training for 2 hours. The benefits will be much better for you than all that running, ANY DAY.
They also probably bought the cliff bars, protien shakes, Gu etc from Whole Foods. ; )
You mean Whole Paycheck.
yeah, this site is for laughs and having fun!
[...] for this week is This Blog if you are in need of a good laugh check it out. Plus they toatally NAILED me, I am so white, but I am ok with [...]
I’m white and I’m entirely indifferent to marathons. Let’s get together sometimes and be cool and make fun of white people.
Umm, nailed it! After doing my first two marathons, I started doing triathlons, and you’re right, I’m a lot more competitive at the former, probably because white people also love to swim. Living by the water in Santa Monica helped with having access to a place where I could swim whenever I wanted, usually in the mornings. Nothing I liked better than going for a swim, then going to my favorite breakfast place for an hour.
Haha! I love the “AA For White People” comments I see on this blog.
“Hello everyone. My name is Phelan, I am 28 years old, and I’ve been a white person for 28 years.”
“Hi, Phelan.”
“I like to train for the Marathon on my Saturdays, and stop in at the local microbrewery for beer, and listen to NPR podcasts on my iPod while I read the local ‘Indie ‘zine’. I know it’s wrong, but I have to submit myself to a higher power. A sense of humor.”
So basically you are saying you do not want to hear about my experience of running four 3 hours and 55 minutes straight??? No wonder all my black friends dont want me to call them early on Saturday mornings.
i love it.
nothing more dignified than running your brains out and showing your pasty-white skin off. yum. that is, of course, unless you swim and bike too. they’re kind of sports for people who aren’t athletic but have lots of free time to train.
funny.
and very earnest.
For the record, I was running marathons before it was popular for white people to run marathons. Damn, I’m cool. (said/written with that overbite thing)
Did commenter #6 just say black people weren’t built for swimming or riding bikes? that is the most retarded thing i have ever heard…never really saw the bodily resemblance between mike spitz and lance armstrong but hey who am i to point out the obvious…
the obvious….how about that his name is mark spitz. And how about that this blog is all in good fun. dont take yourselves so seriously! haha
great stuff. i’ve been running competitively all my life and am actually pretty good… sub 2:30 marathon, but you’ve certainly nailed it. and if people can’t find the stuff they get sucked into funny, then they have no sense of humor and a pretty pathetic life. laugh at yourselves, people… go obama!!!
You’re way ahead of me. You DID include marathons!
I AM TERRIBLY OFFENDED!!!!!!! Not by the satire and parody; that’s OK. Triathletes are SO much more fit than basketball and football players.
Hell yes
Wrestlers are fit. Triathletes can swim, bike and run at medium speed.
Do you know JC?
Couldn’t finish it, huh? Must be because you aren’t white.
I love this blog! I’m Mexican, but I’ve been around white people so much that I love to do the things they do too! First of all - comment #6 “while they exceed at running, aren’t built for either swimming or cycling” - hahahah, give me a break! Give a Kenyan $10,000 and they’re likely to use that money to feed there family for 5 years. Put them in a triathlon and I bet they will destroy you. They have so many slow-twitch muscle fibers they would hardly get phased. Anyway, although I do love marathons, because i am Mexican there are a few twists to marathon running:
1) Carbo loading = extra tortillas for your taco
2) Recovery protein = eggs w/chorizo
3) Gu Packs = Gu Packs (no substitutes!)
4) Machismo = I run marathons because half-marathons are for women and children
Here’s another Mexican who loves this blog. I think because we know so many white people and understand them so well. In the end, we all want the same stuff anyway. I know so many Mexicans in Chicago who ran the marathon for all the same reasons as white people. I ran 13 marathons myself, but that was about 40 pounds ago! Now I just run for fun and exercise.
I gotta be runnin fro the 5-0 somtimes,
I’m white I think this is all too funny, I’m not offended as I feel everyone has a right to their own opinion so here’s mine….
I must point out…..it seems as though there’s a little bitterness in the “money” issue…could that be because typically “white” people make more money and are able to do the above things mentioned? I mean…it’s not exactly cheap to enter a marathon and then fly to the location, stay in a hotel and eat out. Are you to say that if minorities where making more money they would not involve themselves in expensive mindless activities? I don’t think so….we are all human and we all like to have fun and impress others in our own ways. And whats more expensive a few pairs of running shoes and some gel? Or smoking crack on a bed side? Who’s right who’s wrong? We all engage ourselves in what makes us happy…so why not let be what it is….who cares what others are doing…focus on yourselves. Obviously some of you have nothing better going on in your lives but to sit around and bitch about skinny white people while your own ass grows big because you lack motivation. Frankly… I stumbled across this thread through a marathon blog on Runners World. I say….GET OVER IT!
If minorities made more money do you really think that they’d spend it on “smoking crack in bed vs. running shoes and gel?” Do you really think that comparison is accurate? Way to pick a stereotype and run with it (pun intended) “who’s right, who’s wrong? We all engage ourselves in what makes us happy” As a black woman I wasn’t aware that I should spend my income on crack to be smoked in bed, but thanks for the heads up! You are a fucktard.
too priveliged to know better
I dont know who you are but you are so right- its funny because most of the people typing on this blog probably suffer from obesity. For those of you that think running is bad for you, tell that to the person who just had a heart attack because he didnt exercise. Or maybe the person that just contemplated suicide b/c they felt they had nothing to live for. Running is heathly- its better for you mentally then staying indoor in some sweaty nasty gym with B.O. all around you- give me a break! It’s a chance to get fresh air, see new sights, make friends, build your ego- if that isnt good for you then what is? Sure, maybe it wears on your limbs- if your 500 pounds… but what doesnt these days? You think pounding on a stair master for an hour instead is that much better for you? So what, we should play soccer or baseball or football or hockey? Ya they seem alot better for you then running! I would much rather lose all my front teeth, break my collar bone, chew tabacco and have jock itch. Give me a break people! Whats the history of football? soccer? hockey? Maybe you should look up how marathons began- i bet youll find it more significant then the history of most sports. To each their own but for those of you mocking runners, get off your high horse and commit to anything that takes as much time and dedication as running a marathon (and no, playing a video game for hours on end to beat it doesnt count)… When you do, then you will have room to talk and until then, continue to watch the sport (yes- sport) of marathoning grow…
i’m white and i dont like marathons at all, im unfit and to be honest i don’t care, also dont say the website is what white people like, it is only a sector of society which likes all this stuff! why do you care what white people like so much, stop trying to be funny and witty by taking the piss out of white people, it’s not on, everyones different and the whole white community isnt full of pretentious snobbery! get your facts right before you start mouthing off!
This is spot-on!
I live in New York (seven years and counting…almost an “official” NY-er) and have several friends who run marathons/triathlons. They all looove to brag about how difficult and grueling their training regimen is and how much money they’re raising for charity.
At the post-marathon party, we toast them with our micro-brewed beer.
Yeah, I see/hear a lot more average/slow triathletes brag about their training regimen than elite athletes in other sports… must be the culture, which is why I hate it. Don’t get me wrong, I do the training and I train because I enjoy it but I don’t like to race “triathlons”.
The funny thing, if you can call it funny, about blacks not being built for cycling is that the first American famous for cycling was black. He was probably even more dominant than Lance Armstrong. His name was Major Taylor.
Also worth nothing, research has shown that Runners are more educated than ther couch potato counterparts. That can partly explain why they can afford the pricey running gear and spend countless hours training to run a marathon.
The Boston marathon took place a block from where I lived for four years straight. A lot of people (white people) gather at various intervals along this path and…. wait around. They may even get the chance to… hand someone a tasty refreshment. I, as a white man, am hereby pleading to all other white people: enough is enough. This sort of activity shames us all.
HAHA…I am actually training for a marathon and found this blog hilarious. I question myself everytime I start running why the heck I torture myself so badly just to run with a crowd toward nothing in particular. If I wanted to make the training more interesting I could go to Harlem and wait for gun shots and then run in a crowd, I could go to Camden, NJ and wait for people to realize I am white then run from them and their cars, I could go to Pampolona, Spain and run from bulls, or I could go to Somalia smeared with peanut butter and run from hungry people. But I have bought into the white hype and put myself out there to be made fun of with the rest of whites…who need to learn to have a sense of humor it seems.
lighten up people- it’s a joke, a riff!! read it a laugh jeezus freaking christ- you are living up to the stereotype because you are all such tight a sses.
Busted! But I run halfs and don’t buy all the expensive bullshit, except for the shoes.
This is a funny frickin’ blog. Ya’ll need some “what rednecks love” type of entries, though, because all the attention is focused on rich white people.
I’d rather sit on my fat ass and read all of the posts by offended white people than run a marathon. P.S. I have about 10 emails in my inbox at this very moment from white people asking me to sponsor them for their upcoming marathons.
First the Club Charles 80s night bartender pic and now the Baltimore Marathon. There was even a reference to West Baltimore somewhere on this site. I’m beginning to see a pattern here.
You forgot to mention how every time a white person brings up that they run marathons, they must tell you how they did.
If they did great (2:10 - 2:50): You get a rundown of the exact time and splits. Or a generalization to make them sound impressive: “I did sub 2:30 at Chicago.”
If they did okay (2:50 - 3:50): They’ll tell you that they’ll either never do it again, or that they’re going to utilize (insert new training method here) to get faster.
If they did not so great (3:50 - 5+): It was either because it “was my first marathon!” or they walked it and they’re proud.
If they DNF’d (that’s Did Not Finish for you couch cushions): You’ll hear how it wasn’t their fault (too hot, race disorganized, not enough water stops, too many water stops, RD sucked) or the war story that led to their DNF.
I am white and I run everyday. I think this is funny.
I can dance too. This whiteboy tears up the dance floor
when JAY Z comes on in the club. All the black girls are like ‘damn … you fly” and I am like ‘Can I be your sexual white chocolate?’ and they say ‘hell to the yea’ and I say ‘Im about to put some cream in your coffee’ we laugh and then knock boots! : )
White boy- you are hilarious, nice rappin skills, seems like u might have some cred–
-educated latina girl with far too many similarities with white people than she’d like to admit!
I’m offended NOT because of this post (I think it’s funny as hell) but because my dumbass friend sent it to me and in his mind, he thinks I talk about my running too much. If he ever got off his lazy ass and joined me, it’d be a different story. But regardless… Funny post.
[...] through and count the number of posts that prove how white I am and compare it to those that prove how white I am not. At [...]
There’s also the “sign up for a triathlon because it will motivate my tubby white ass” thing.
Not so much.
“Also worth nothing, more competitive white people prefer triathlons because Kenyans can’t afford $10,000 specialty bicycles. ”
except, of course, everyone knows that black people can’t swim.
Raise the prize money like they have in golf and you’ll see more non-whites take up the sport.
HI-larious. It took me six months to go from my first marathon to my first 1/2 Ironman Triathlon. Thanks for listening!
PS - my bike only cost $2,000
i’m white and i run marathons. running marathons isn’t necessarily bad for you. it certainly is bad for your body if you’re plodding along for 4-6hrs like so many “marathoners” (if they can really be called that) these days do. Seriously, people who run marathons in less than 3hrs are doing more good than bad for their bodies. If after the race you’re still walking around on your own two feet with no problem and are barely sore the next day then you probably didn’t do that much harm on race day.
when i ran boston after qualifying on my first one (yes i do fall into the white stereotype of bragging about my running) there was a black woman cheering around mile 18 “you’ve run through the winter/ you’ve run through the snow/ now you’re here in boston/ go, go, go”
I am asian. Also a marathon runner. We’re not all white. Nonetheless, tis true - most are. Except those guys that win.