#28 Not Having a TV
January 26, 2008 by clander
The number one reason why white people like not having a TV is so that they can tell you that they don’t have a TV.
On those lonely nights when white people wish they could be watching American Idol, Lost, or Grey’s Anatomy, they comfort themselves by thinking of how when people talk about the show tomorrow they can say “I didn’t see it, I don’t have a TV. That stuff rots your brain.”
It is effective in making other white people feel bad, and making themselves feel good about their life and life choices.
Though these people often fill their time by talking with other friends who don’t watch TV about how they don’t watch TV, looking at leaves, cooking, reading books about left wing politics, and going to concerts/protests/poetry slams.
Generally this makes them very boring and gives you very little to talk to them about. It’s important that you NEVER suggest they are making a mistake or that there is a value to owning a TV. You should just try to steer the conversation to allow them to talk about how they are better than you.
[...] in The Daily Show Post#35, however he decided that life would be better if he did not have a TV post #28. Craig found an adequate replacement in Public [...]
I pooped my pants
did you really say this to every post?
Got to admit, this is the 3rd time I’ve seen it and I’m in tears.
Low brow humour..love it.
people who don’t have TVs don’t like sports and people who don’t like sports are essentially assholes
OR, we’re out playing sports instead of being a fatty WATCHING sports.
Bravo
#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside
Have you ever tailgated at a football game? There is a 1:1 ratio between how much you like sports and how much of a fat, alcoholic, loudmouth asshole you are.
no you are an asshole for thinking that
Correction:
People who dont have TVs are Playing sports..People who have TVs are stuck watching us who do not…
Assholes aside, you can either be a player or a spectator.
I see you have made your choice. Enjoy the game!
Because as we all know, there’s no such thing as an elite, professional athlete who owns (and watches) a TV, or plays video games, for that matter. Schmuck.
Umm… I don’t have a tv and I’m not on hear calling anyone an asshole… I’m just sayin’…
I agree people who dont watch sports are essentially assholes; but people who dont have TV’s are bigger assholes. I read all day at work, and go to the gym every morning. At night, I like to site in front of the tube for at least 2 hours. You cant make me feel bad for watching TV, and if you try, I will tell you to go F&^% yourself- And by the way, I guarantee I am in better shape than all you “non-TV owners.” I ran two marathons last year, and can dunk. (Only 6′2).
White Guy Sports Fan
…and people with inflated egos are the biggest of assholes of them all.
I bet you have a Really Big TV and a really small……..?
love the generalizations! keep ‘em coming! (ps i don’t have a tv, am mostly white, and like watching sports at the local pub or friends houses. did i mention that i don’t have a tv?)
yes but how fat are you is the most important question.`
Wow, I’m white and I don’t have a TV either!!! I do however, have free high-speed internet access from my university and I am able to enjoy all of the wonderful shows of abc and nbc for free online! (can you still watch TV without cable?)
Cheap white people now wish they were able to watch the Daily Show but want to avoid cable bills, and in the absence of television must be satisfied with the bits posted on youtube.
Yet they do have the advantage of being able to talk about not having TV while not admitting that they’ve seen every episode of Lost online. When will everyone catch on? I suppose that former white students will be found spending 3x the amount that others spend on cable on an internet connection that will permit adequate viewing online.
This is the most accurate description of all the white folks I know that don’t have tv, or at the very least, don’t have cable. Personally, i have a television but no cable. I watch the local news on the three channels the rabbit ears pick up (abc, nbc, and cbs), but this won’t work after the new year without a new connection, which I will refuse to buy. Thus I will be left with my high speed internet that my landlord offers free of charge and be content with my netflix.
considering the digital box is free from local cable providers, i have a feeling you will be watching abc. nbc and cbs with no problem in 2009.
it’s true that the computer can be just as time-consuming, if not more than tv, but no one can truly argue that tv gives you better things to talk about with friends and makes you more interesting. not having a tv isn’t something that white people do, it’s something that people do when they find better things to do with their time.
I second this, strongly. I have no idea what I would do with 3 channels, let alone 900. Jesus Christ. I’m so busy just being BUSY and NORMAL and WHITE that I have no idea when I would find the time to watch two hours of television a night. Yikes.
As to the above statement about Lost, I just go to my boyfriend’s house to watch it. It’s not a big deal, really. Ha.
All I know is that me and my girlfriend and our dog sit and chillax on the couch at night watching CSI or whatever crud comes on. We don’t just watch TV, we chit chat about the days events, what’s going on with each other, family, etc. Also, of course, other things ensue–although doggy has to go outside for a while. The TV room is for much more than just MMA.
i’m black…i have a tv ..but it’s not plugged in, and i like sports,i just don’t have to watch all the games on tv..it’s always better in person.
but TV IS EVIL
I stopped watching TV a few years ago… too boring. Teh intratubez is far more interesting. I dunno what’s on TV these days, and I don’t give a shit.
The audiences at the slams I’ve been to were mostly poc.
Funny piece, but in my experience the minority who doesn’t have a TV is busy doing other stuff. They’re not boring, it just means everyone else has to try harder instead of falling back to ‘did you see last night?’
I am white, don’t watch TV (haven’t for years), and I hate sports except on the radio. I find listening to John, the radio jock for the NY Yankees guarantees me eight hours of absolutely peaceful sleep; about one half inning does the trick.
There IS something soothing about the knowledge that, while you are reading a book or listening to the radio, a concert of serious music for instance, 99.99% of your fellow citizens, the assholes of the world, are ruining what little brain they have left watching some idiot like Bill O’Reilly or Walter Cronkite pontificate about things he doesn’t really understand.
I am convinced that it was TV that gave us the Cretin From Crawford, the worst president in history. You could easily get the TV crowd to elect a dog if you promoted him long enough. And I believe the same dimwits actually thought Bush was telling the truth when he launched his aggression against Iraq. They are so stupid they will believe anything….as long as it comes from their TV screen.
thank you for proving the point of “white people don’t have tvs”.
great post. and the best argument for myself to bite the bullet and cease watching tv as well. thank you.
Wow. What an asshole.
He’s right though. People who watch TV end up like you. And that’s bad for the country, because people like you go and vote.
[...] as they can, eating at breakfast places, watching the daily show/colbert report (only if they have a tv), smoking marijuana, dancing at 80s nights, reading david sedaris, drinking wine or microbrews, [...]
I own a TV but only use it to play video games. Many white people like video games, and use them to channel their natural desire to bomb brown people in a constructive, non-violent fashion. This way they can avoid the guilt normally associated with racist violence while committing it in their heads. One minute I’m strafing a terrorist mosque, the next I’m at an anti-war vigil hitting on asian women.
White people get off on being anti-technology. It makes them feel more outdoorsy and environmentally responsible.
Stupid 70″ plasma TV. If it weren’t for this damn thing, I could afford a Prius. Thank God for my Cliff Bars and Odwalla juice.
Hey Clif bars are delicious
My computer/laptop is my TV.
I wish I didn’t have a TV. However, I do like comedys and watching old TV like Land of the Lost and Transformers.
Haha, Lori, you make it seem like someone can either own a tv or an internet connection.
For the record, I don’t own a TV. I grew up watching way too much of it and it kind of sucks. You’re a total lazy asshole if you just sit around watching TV.
By the way, take a walk at night in any white suburban area, though, and you’ll see the blue and white lights flashing in their homes. I mean, I thought we were generalizing here! Let’s get at least more than 5% of the population down.
Please, please publish this blog AND all of the comments posted about it in book form so that I will have something to show my son that exactly replicates all of the douchbags I have had to live amongst all of my life. How passe is it to read this very accurate and totally hilarious blog and then… get upset at the author rather than laugh at yourself? Do I only think this is funny because I am a white person who has lived in Hawaii and in Asia where people can routinely actually develop a sense of humor about their own cultures? What kind of dildo actually posts “For the record, I don’t have a tv, you’re a lazy asshole… blah, blah, blah” on a blog post that is making fun of that exact position? Why can’t anyone just laugh? It’s funny.
We haven’t had a TV in 30 years. Originally it just happened that way. We were young and broke and busy. But then we noticed that life was fine, maybe better without it. For one thing, I lost weight without a TV. Less time sitting on my ass, more time to go to the gym, and less time watching commercials that lured me into eating junk food. I’ve never seen a commercial for steamed broccoli.
Watch a video of a kid watching TV and you might throw yours out the window (I saw one once in a class on child development). It’s a little scary. Our kid learned to read quickly and grew up just fine. He has a TV, which is entirely his business.
We really don’t do it to make anyone else feel bad, although people are always justifying themselves to us: Hey, did you see such and such, well we don’t have a TV, and then it comes . . . I don’t watch a lot of TV, I only watch the news, I only watch PBS, blah blah. I hear the average American watches 4-5 hours of TV a day. I don’t know how anyone finds the time. Do they have trust funds?
There are shows I enjoy, like Project Runway. I catch them very occasionally in hotels and on Jet Blue. When I surf around I’m often shocked by what I see. And the “news” is terrifyingly dumb. I agree with the person who says that prevalence of TV is part of the reason we have an imbecile in the White House. He’s just one more expensive, useless product that we’ve been sold that does us no good, like an ab roller or a Hummer only much more dangerous.
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
No really, you’re a racist.
[...] in The Daily Show Post#35, however he decided that life would be better if he did not have a TV post #28. Craig found an adequate replacement in Public [...]
I’m white and I don’t have a TV. I haven’t had cable in 13 years. I never talk about it though. I just hate TV and all those shows you listed. I watch movies on Netflix though. Yep, Netflix rules. Even when someone says “have you seen that show” I just say “no I haven’t” if I can help it and don’t mention anything about not having TV. I’m partly cool but too lame to hang out with you, right?
I have a TV (used only for games or movies), but I don’t get any channels, mainly because everything on TV sucks so badly these days (not counting reruns of good shows, which came on a million times already), even static is more fun and less degrading to watch.
Dear White People,
I’m sorry it is hard to feel cool. It’s great being as white-washed as I am, yet still be so nicely Asian that white people immediately think I am cool when I meet and talk to them at a party. However, this didn’t stop me from getting passed over for a promotion last year. So I guess you guys still win. Fuck all y’all.
Love,
A banana
[...] Jag kan dock ha helt jävla fel. Jag har ingen tv. [...]
this website is really cool, but I have to say, its characteristically white of you to mix humor and invective/critique until no one knows which is which any more.
I cant decide if this website is more appealing because it forces people to realize how we really are (Im sure everyone is saying, F*** thats me!!) or because people enjoy the subtle attack on those who carry this stuff too far, and/or perhaps there is some element of class warfare in that more middle class people can rail against upper middle class people. What niche are you filling, or are you filling all of them? At any rate, I like it.
Perhaps this is too much analysis? Well that would be typically…
The site should really be “Stuff Pretentious Rich Liberals Like”. Only complete assholes are thinking “F*** thats me!!”. It should also be noted that the people the site is making fun of feel obligated to agree and have a chuckle at themselves. The author must be having a hell of a laugh at the expense of idiots like yourself.
yeah… according to this site, I am less than 5% white. Sounds more like Stuff Insecure White Faggots like.
these kind of white people sometimes have a tv with a dvd player in the closet that they use to watch movies and tv shows from netflix. or they watch tv shows on their laptops. and then they go around asking their co-workers, “did you see that episode of the colbert report when he tried to ask the republican congressman to name the ten commandments, and the guy couldn’t do it?” to which their co-worker might respond, “no, i don’t have cable.” to which the white person will respond, “oh, neither do i, i don’t even have a tv. but i watch colbert on the internet. you should have seen it, it was so funny…”
(i know this is true because i’m white, and i do this all the time. it makes me feel so special).
Well, I have a tv and it’s on all the time, I just never really watch it. I catch my pc input by osmosis as CNN is the soundtrack of my living room.
lolll i love how all the white people post the comments to talk extensively about themselves and how they dont have TVs and why..ect.. hahahhahahah
This is great, so true. I actually have a TV but no cable and love telling people that I only watch PBS and netflix!
youtube is my tv….
I happen to Love my Giant oversized HD-TV.
Of Course, i use it for video games, and watching Movies, and not watching Sports.
Sports are Boring.
I like this blog but it can be a bit too generaliseing. There are many Subsets of White people. For instance, i’m a Nerd. Very different from A Jock.
I love poetry slams and tv and poetry slam poems about tv.
Love it.
This is from 2005, but I think Seanbaby already summed up the point of this whole discussion, including the comments, with this piece of writing gold:
“I don’t normally talk much about television, because I’m trying to break into the scientist business, and you look smarter if you brag about how you don’t have a TV. Sometimes I’m so smart I don’t even know what a TV is. To me, the words “Perfect Strangers” might as well be “Tingle Dingle Banana Man” because I don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s how smart I am.” - seanbaby.com
That phrase, “Sometimes I’m so smart, I don’t even know what a TV is,” is the quip I sling anytime I hear some tool talk about how they don’t watch TV. Murders them every time, and as a bonus, *I* get to be the witty smart person!
For the life of me I’ve never understood how these “TV Haters” can sit around and watch movies all day, as if that’s somehow better. You’re still just sitting motionless for hours, staring at light dance across a screen. I cannot see how that
is any more productive than watching television.
It’s clear to me now. To the author, white people = liberals.
I’m better than anyone who watches TV. And I am white as the driven snow.
I used to not have a TV, and was damn proud of it, until I moved in with roommates who insisted on having a TV. Even now, I only use it to watch whatever is on Bravo.
Um…if liberals don’t have televisions, how can they control the “liberal media.” That. Makes. No. Sense.
And who the hell is watching all that television? Lazy minorities?
If you meet a white person without a television (the kind who can afford it. others like to complain about how they cant and its the republicans’ fault. i’m a liberal with a tv), immediately ask them about The Theatre. Spell it the British way.
Man, I was starting to feel bad about myself. My EuroPass trip in college, drinking tea, love,love,loving my iPod Touch….
My whole life reduced to a stereotype of someone just keeping up appearances.
But I’m a raging atheist who won’t live without her digital cable box with built in DVR. Name a TV show. I’ll describe the plot of the pilot and who guest starred. So, see, I’m a unique white person who can feel superior to other white people who think they’re unique and superior. Wait. What? Oh… shit.
NIGGAZ BE LIKING TA STEAL TV”S!
[...] 23, 2008 As one of those condescending yuppies who doesn’t have a TV I’m at a loss to do any thoughtful analysis on this clever user moderated site about the TV [...]
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I have a TV but no cable connection. I use it for watching DVDs that I pirate from Netflix.
If I could get a low cost cable package with only the channels that I like (BBC Amercia, IFC, Sundance) then I’d seriously consider it.
I used to have satellite radio. That’s deativated for the time being because I’m a peniless college student and I try to drive as little as possible. If I get a job where it is impossible to bicycle or take public transportation and I’m forced to commute then I’ll probably turn it back on.
P.S. A few times I have watched tv episodes on the computer but not frequently. My DVD collection also consists of a few TV series’ like The Prisoner, The Young Ones, Little Britain, and a bit of Red Dwarf.
Without a tv I use the projector my exboyfriend left me to watch my anusara yoga videos and julien schnabel films.
This blog is a fantastic work of art. I’ve been pegged, and pegged hard.