#29 80s Night
January 27, 2008 by clander
If you ever find yourself wanting to take your relationship with white people to the next level, one of the best places to meet a potential partner is at any 80s night event in your local city.
White people cannot get enough of 80s music, partially out of nostalgia, and partially since it was the last time that pop music wasn’t infused with hip-hop or R n’ B stylings. Artists like Joy Division, New Order and Elvis Costello were all pretty well respected and had solid runs at the charts. Also, less respected artists like Wham, Rick Astley and Cameo are still easy for white people to dance to.
If you are in a social situation and wish to turn into one more condusive for romance, you should always ask “does anyone know a club with a good 80s night?” at which point the entire group of white people are likely to invite you to an event.
[...] Knowing everything up through the hook means you’ll be frenching at 80s Night. [...]
I pooped my pants
I disagree with the notion that we like 80s night because it was the last era before hip-hop. Quite the opposite. It was the last era that I was completely up to speed on rap and R&B. Somewhere in the 90s, I couldn’t keep up. Back in the 80s I could rap every word of the Sugar Hill Gang’s “Apache.” Today, there are famous guys like Jay-Z and 50-Cent, and I couldn’t name a single song they do nor could many of my friends.
Interesting! I’ve always been an 80s fan myself but never caught the lack-of-R&B connection. Thanks!
BTW, isn’t rock music in general derived from African American forms such as the blues?
Uh no. But Rory Gallagher music is. Check him out. Brilliance.
I once turned up to an 80s night as a yuppie having a coke overdose. People didn’t really appreciate it. Then I started demanding that they play The Dead Kennedys and things just got awkward.
I’ve read all of these entries and I realize that it’s not just where I’m from that has the 2 types of 80s nights. There’s the cheese bar that is all 70s and 80s that plays all the awful shit…those bars are filled with middle aged women having a “girls night out” away from their miserable marriages and preteen brats with a spattering of stupid bachelorette parties (penis gear all over with the party bus waiting outside). These bars are playing your “come on eileen” and “8675309″ embarassments. THEN there’s the alternative bar in town where the former punks hang out and they play the “cool” 80s music including old school Depeche Mode, Joy Division, New Order, The Cure, etc. and everyone is wearing heavy black eyeliner including the dudes. These people are out there on the dancefloor not bopping around with permagrins on their faces screaming “Oh, my GOD! I loooooove this song!”, but instead with their heads hung low, their cigarette dangling from their mouth or fingers and their drink is hanging on by a thread in the other hand…or they are sucking face with a stranger moving their bodies to the beat. No smiles. Just “feeling the music.”
I felt something
YES. THAT’S MY KIND OF 80’s NIGHT!
[...] and overcrowded like the bars I am familiar with. *And* it was a special 80’s Night (Which is #29 on the Stuff White People Like List). I had so much fun (completely sober!), Aaron and I stayed until the club [...]
What? While that is true of new wave, the same cannot be said of the decade that saw the resurgence of popularity for Chakakahn, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder and the littlist back man who could, Prince.
Anyone who would claim that “black” music is only hip-hop does a great disservice to the booty-shaking power of funk.
The 80’s …. sucked! A culturally dead vacuum.
Why bring them back?
I agree. Who the hell wants to listen to that crap music again? I guess I’m not as white as I thought.
This is so true, but I’d have to deny New Order’s “lack” of connection to Hip hop or soul…..
though I do admit that that’s probably what normal white people think.
.
30 ish, white guy here … arts degree, have no idea how i ended up with a 6 figure income. soooo … the kids shcool, 98% white is having a fund raiser … its 80’s night.
fkme we are predictable
i do love whole foods latte’s though
I just love that 80s music is now considered “oldies.” My 20 something coworkers haven’t heard of half of the bands of the 80s because when those songs were cool, these people were still suckling on their mother’s teet.
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
I’m white and I hate 80s night. I now feel accepted into your clique.
you should specify that it is white women who like the 80s music played at 80s night.
White men prefer Metallica before they sold out.
agreed, sir!
though, as a white chick *and* old-school-metalhead, I <3 both. a winner is me.
AMEN on the Metallica comment!
80s nostalgia leaks over into movies too. Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bhuler (sp?), 16 Candles, etc. Note that today’s mindless teen flicks are ripped apart by cinema snobs, but they cherish the 80s equivalent.
the teen flicks today are ridiculous. the ones of the 80s had t&a but did it in a way that didn’t make us want to go out and contract HIV. Compare 16 candles to superbad for an example
what?! superbad is hilarious and actually a good movie — and critics liked it.
a better equivalent of 16 candles would be some piece of shit like american pie or road trip
And to me, Madonna’s early stuff and Hall and Oates had an R&B influence to it, and they were pretty popular in the 80s.
Since when is Joy Division pop? It’s post-punk.
“13 Skooma
Since when is Joy Division pop? It’s post-punk.”
classic white guy move.
THIS IS SO FUCKING TRUE. The only time I see actual white people in Miami is when I venture to the 80’s nights.
I’m white but I avoid ’80’s nights like the plague.
I am black and I love 80’s hair metal and pop…That said there is nothing more annoying than having 200 bad voices yelling ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ at the top of their lungs…
There is definitely a lack of Siouxie and the Banshees/ Pogues/ Dead Kennedys/ Suicidal Tendencies at these events.
That’s because those bands suck
Synth Pop rules!! I was at an 80s night last month……it was awesome. I wore a white tie and a black shirt. I also had eye liner on. What do you think of that?
ya’ll missed the greatest song of all time- Come on Eileen
“White people cannot get enough of 80s… Artists like Joy Division, New Order and Elvis Costello…”
Wasn’t Joy Division a 70’s band? Just a thought.
Wham, okay. Rick Astley, I see where you’re going.
But lumping Cameo funk with “Together Forever” and “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” that’s just not right man.
Show the funk more love.
“Interesting! I’ve always been an 80s fan myself but never caught the lack-of-R&B connection. Thanks!”
This is the most interesting thing about ‘Stuff White People Like’. Racism is embedded in so much of what white people like but they don’t even know it. This is the prime reason non-white folks have such a difficult time dealing with whites. So often, they don’t know what they are a part of. Worse, some of them do know but they pretend to not know and hope you won’t call them on it, odds that are generally in their favor due to the extreme social pressure to not draw attention to whiteness.
Just so you all know. Most of these things on this blog, black people understand quite naturally. Which is why whites are generally so unsufferable to many black people. This isn’t monolithic, of course. Use common sense.
this is for fun. stop getting so damn serious. don’t need to make a political statement. again FUN. shut it.
Joy Division? The lead singer offed himself in 1980. Not really 80’s, more like late 70’s. But I guess a lot of people have issues wrapping their minds around the fact that there was more to the 70’s than funk and disco.
I’m 99.9% sure that your photo of an Eighties Night Bartender Girl is from one of my old haunts: the Club Charles in Baltimore. No doubt, Baltimore’s thriving white person community does love an Eighties Night.
Seriously. What about ABC — Tell me, tell me. How to be. A millionaire.
This was a weak post. The author has had quite a few zingers, you’ve got to expect a dud once in a while.
A friend just sent me this link because I am the one that took this photo. Sadly, this wasn’t even an 80s night. This is Baltimore and you never know how anyone is going to dress for the evening.
Photo credits are good, you should try using them sometime.
marcg–so I’m racist because I don’t listen to every bullshit rapper who comes on the radio? Come on. You put people in a lose-lose position: I’m a jerk if I pretend to know what I’m talking about when it comes to anything in R&B other than Alica Keys or Kanye West, but if I tried to reach out to find other artists you’d deem more “authentic” (or whatever) for me to listen to, you’d probably just accuse me of being patronizing. And yeah, you’d probably be right–I don’t have a ear for what’s considered good rap, and probably never will. You’d probably think most of my CD collection blows, too, and from your perspective you’d probably be right. As far as the “extreme social pressure not to draw attention to whiteness,” I would say the same is true for all of the cultural barriers that race creates between people. For example, being the only white woman in my office means that there is a closeness between the African American women I work with that I will probably never share with them–I just can’t say the same things to them as they can say to one another and vice versa. We all know it’s there, and it makes me sad because I think they are all great people whose respect I would like to earn, but calling it by name would be inappropriate. I know there are a lot of white douche bags in the world, but all I and anyone else can really do is try my best not to be one of them.
the racism is killing me on the inside
please create an entry for:
1. Cinco de Mayo
2. Spring Break ( as in woohoo spring break!= booze & anonymous sex)
Say what you want about NPR, Whole Foods or The Green Party, but leave Rick Astley out of this!
Rick Rules!! All Ricks from the 80’s rule - Rick Astley, Rick Springfield, Ravishing Rick Rude, Rick James, Ricky Schroeder (before he became an adult).
any baby-faced euro white dude with a voice almost a deep as barry white gets put in the hall of fame (or shame). where oh where is rick astley now???
I’m white & I do LOVE ’80s music/culture. I think it is indeed the gilded age of white culture. I mean really the 80’s were all about money and being successful if you could be, and saying a big ‘fuck you’ to people that generally couldn’t be as successful (ie: black people).
The only other time I can relive the 80’s paradigm outside of 80s parties (I don’t do blow) is when I can give a homeless guy begging for change a disgusted look and try to convey to him that he is a disgrace and failure to humanity.
Of the many things that are true about white people like, #29 is the most dead-on of all. I haven’t been to 80’s night in years. It’s funny to see white people having a grand old time to 80’s music, then suddenly clear the floor when some song by minorities comes on… even The Jets: “Crush on You” would be too “urban”. They know what’s up, but they like to pretend they “never liked/never heard of that song”to begin with.
When dragged out to 80’s night by my white friends I used to amuse myself with my favorite 80’s night drinking game: Trying really hard to dance off-rhythm. Oh Damn! Caught the beat! gotta knock back another shot!
I thought this post was amusing and dead on. Then I realized that a) the lack of hip hop in 80’s music really is the appeal and b) my boyfriend became my boyfriend over a post-80’s night breakfast. I liked this blog better when I thought it was pointing out OTHER people’s bullshit.
Devi, there was Hip Hop in the ‘80 and it was good stuff, positive and fun for the most part. I listened to that and R&B mostly, because to me, most rock sucked. I don’t get why so many people my age (40s) insist on listening to old crap they must have heard a million times before.
If 80’s night is too white for you, you need to experience it at a gay bar where they play more “urban” artists like Chaka Khan, Stephanie Mills, Monie Love.
“Madonna’s early stuff” = Nile Rogers (sp?) w/ a guest singer
good times.
@Marsha: Yes, I agree.
Side Note: It’s been my experience that any 80’s night at a Gay bar involving Chaka Khan, Cherelle, Stephanie Mills, and Monie Love is: a) dubbed “Retro Night” so as not to confuse the GWMs who are, in general, as equally disinclined as their hetero counterparts. and b) usually promoted/DJ’ed by ultra-hip Lesbians.
This really only applies to one subset of white people: white women aged 18-28. Sure, I went to a lot of 80’s nights, but had there not been said white women aged 18-28 at these 80’s nights, I would never had stepped foot near the place. White men do not enjoy the synthesizer, Flock of Seagulls, Hairspray, or Cindy Lauper. Any white men who claim that they like the 80’s are actually just very crafty tricksters. Five years ago they would have been called “Metrosexuals.” These are predators. They, in their Pied Piper fashion, lie about their tastes and dress up in elaborate costumes to lure their prey to a position of vulnerability. Beware this breed of white person, it does not discriminate.
I don’t mind these nights as long as they’re not heavily hyped. If they are, they get populated by Wrong whites and are a crowded nightmare.
But if I just happened to be at a place and they’re doin’ ’80s, I’m out there faster than you can say “You Should Hear How She Talks About You.”
[...] I do have to give it up for some of the entires–Threatening to Move to Canada, 80s Night, and Microbreweries are all at least mildly on point in their cleverness and insight, and their [...]
One thing I see a lot of white people LOVING is Guitar Hero. I swear that’s the video game equivalent of 80s night. One game in the series was even called “Rocks the 80s.” I see otherwise indie rock white people who wouldn’t touch a metal record go insane over Warrant, which I guess they can appreciate ironically.
But I suppose it makes sense, since unlike other games such as Dance Dance Revolution there’s none of that hip hop or dance music, or foreign pop, and white people hate to dance or hear stuff that’s unfamiliar (quite the paradox given that they love to be the first to track stuff down).
Finally a post on this site that I can relate to! 80’s music was fun and easy to dance to (unlike trance/electronic/whatever other shit is out there now). MTV was invented in the 80’s so that is when we saw the first (and best) music videos. Long live the 80’s!
Though I dig the overall satire of this site, I think it’s a bit of a contradiction to point out that white folks like ’80s music because “it was the last time that pop music wasn’t infused with hip-hop or R n’ B stylings,” and then turn around and tout Rick Astley (”blue-eyed soul” artist who got a lot of airplay on R&B stations back in the day) and Cameo (funk holdovers from the mid-70s who were, coincidentally, all black) as examples. Just sayin’.
Or were you just being ironic (#50)? Carry on then.
I also gotta agree with smurf! (33). I put Shannon (Let the Music Play), Midnight Star, Sheila E and Lakeside on an ’80s mix at a 98% white ’80s party, and said party goers, who were grooving to the likes of Duran Duran and Madonna and Poison not two minutes earlier, cleared out faster than Mexican water through an American tourist’s digestive tract.
Rob Base’s “It Takes Two” brought them all back though…
Wait. I recognize the girl in the picture. She’s a bartender at Club Charles in Baltimore. Is there an 80s night at Club Charles? I know there’s one on Friday at The Depot three doors down…a good one too. They play Samantha Fox sometimes. haha.
Wow. I guess I AM really that white.
Anyone who enjoys the 80’s comeback either 1) can’t have lived through the 80’s or 2) did too much coke in the 80’s and can now only respond to the music by muscle memory.
Well, I enjoy it and 1) I did, and 2) I didn’t. So there.
And you are forgetting 3) we really enjoy great music that was simple, fun, made sense, wasn’t just annoying beats, and didn’t have to be all politically charged and socially relevant. Some people, REAL people - white or black, or any other color, don’t need a message in every song we listen to.
Remember, when a song’s message is about getting the girl (or the guy), 99% of the time it is a good song. As long as it came from the 80’s.
Why are all these 80’s haters so depressed that they need to listen to indie crap? Get a date. It will change your opinion of bands like The Smiths. I’ll take Journey any day over that junk. Journey gets guys the SEXY girls. The Smiths gets guys the imaginary - online - never meet in real life girls.
[...] #29 80s Night [...]
don’t forget-white people [and their black friend] looooove Billy Joel, esp. the Piano Man
I’m white and I hate the 80s.
In that case, i’m white, and i don’t like you either!
Joy Divison isn’t an 80s band, they only released 2 records before the death of frontman Ian Curtis in1980. They’re also way too obscure to be featured at any 80s night, perhaps with the single exception of “Love will tear us apart” (although I’ve NEVER heard it at a Honolulu 80’s night).
BTW, I’m black, and Joy Division is my favorite band (love early Elvis Costello, too).
I have no idea what white people you have been hanging around with.
I find your site quietly hilarious. While I’m sure that will get me labeled as a racist, I think the labelers are completely missing the point.
hey i’m asian and i used to play in an ’80s cover band… so suck on that! who doesn’t love michael jackson? (er, at least his music. from “thriller”.)
This is truly one of the most obnoxious aspects of white culture. As such, I believe it should move up a few spots. I have never been to one, but I can hear the conversation now, and it’s making me cringe… Zubaz pants, rat tails,
This site is awesome. It’s also hilarious to read the comments posted by some of the readers when it hits too close to home.