#32 Vegan/Vegetarianism
January 27, 2008 by clander
As with many white people activities, being vegan/vegetarian enables them to feel as though they are helping the environment AND it gives them a sweet way to feel superior to others. For further evidence, note how the vegetarian world has increasing levels of extemism (no meat, no dairy, no eggs, no fish, nothing that has been cooked, etc).
Much like not watching TV, this makes white people pretty hard to deal with on a day to day basis - having dinner, going to restaurants, having them over to watch political debates all become major challenges as they will talk about how they cannot eat anything and would rather that the meat and cheese be thrown in the garbage than put into their bodies.
But wait, aren’t there white people who eat organice, grain fed, free range cattle and chicken? Yes, these white people are wracked with guilt knowing that they are eating a dead animal, contributing to rainforest deforestation, and global warming.
Whether you are dealing with a meat eater or a vegan/vegetarian, there are many ways to use this information to your advantage.
If you require a favor from a vegetarian white person, you should invite them to a dinner with your family. When your mother/grandmother offers them a dish with meat in it, they will reject it saying that they are vegetarian. When the meal is over, tell them that your mom is very embarrassed, and that in your culture rejecting food is the equivalent of spitting on someone’s grave. They will then owe you favor, this can be repeated when you need trips to the airport, someone to help you move, a small interest free loan, or a place for your friend to crash.
If you need to gain leverage with a meat eater, it’s pretty easy. They already feel guilty, just point it out.
You know, I’ve really enjoyed most of this blog so far, but one theme has come up several times, and it’s made most explicit in this post. The author pokes fun at white folk for being vegan/caring about the environment/trying to eat organic, whereas everyone else…what, exactly? Should be praised for consciously destroying the environment, or for going out of their way to eat low-grade fast food meat? I mean, I get why it’s funny - silly white people, thinking their consumer decisions will save the world - but the thing is, you’re talking about things that COULD make the world a better place, if only we ALL had access to them. Conserving energy and eating healthy should not be a race thing, or a cultural thing. It should be a human thing… and if driving a hybrid or eating organic are seen solely as a white things, then what? All nonwhite folks should be proud to eat greasy, fried fast food forever? All nonwhite folks should be proud to drive gas-guzzlers? All nonwhite folks should do nothing for the environment because that would be betraying their race?
Although this site is called “Stuff White People Like”, I have been taking a broader view of the definition. I’m white, and most of this stuff just doesn’t apply to me. So it’s more like “Stuff People Who Are Often White and Think They Are Better Than Everyone Else Like”.
What I think would be a good addition to this post that might explain why this should be in here would be vegetarians who eat fish.
See, fish can’t talk, aren’t generally cute or intelligent (at least in any way this group of people would recognize), and, above all, falls under the intellectual radar of actually looking up what a vegetarian is. These people recognize that being a vegetarian is an important social choice, and gives some sheen of environmentalism, but in reality they have no deep understanding of what the term really means.
I liken it to all the people, mostly white, who protested the Iraq war as “blood for oil” in Westwood in 2003-4. Their strategy? Block traffic on one of the busiest streets in L.A. at rush hour. Instead of the typical standing at the Federal Building with signs (which still slows traffic), they blocked off the road and marched in the streets!
This caused hundreds of cars to be stopped, running, using gas and putting out pollution. And most of these people were blocks away, and were never even aware of what had caused the traffic!
I witnessed the ultimate sign of the irony of this because I had to go to Westwood myself that day, and I had parked in one of the underground lots. When I left, the protest was over, and one of the people, carrying one sign, crossed the lot and got into their Jeep Grand Cherokee. By themselves. So apparently carpooling to the no blood for oil protest was inconvenient.
Geez.
Excuse me. Vegetarians do not eat fish. A person who eats fish is not a vegetarian.
Excuse me.
Vegetarians do not eat fish. People who eat fish are not vegetarians.
there are many people who eat fish and yet call themselves vegetarians, your opinion of those people is irrelevant.
Lots of self-identified vegetarians eat fish. “Pescetarians”.
Ok, then i’m a self-identified black guy because I… like ghetto rap or whatever? It makes as much sense as eating an ANIMAL and call it a PLANT or VEGETABLE etc. Opinions are irrelevant. We can talk different languages to each other, but it’s pretty fucking hard to communicate that way. I’m white because that’s my fucking race, my skin is almost white. Not because I would identify with withe people.
finally. right on.
If you wanna be technical they’re called pescetarians. So they aren’t vegetarians. Sorry.
While this is literally true, in MANY cultures fish for some reason is not considered “meat”. Hence when you’re at your girlfriend’s place having dinner and you are repeatedly asked if you eat meat, and after hearing “no, I’m a vegetarian” they respond with, “oh, but you can eat fish”
this site should be called “stuff white liberals like”.
I’m a white liberal and I love red meat. I eat it all the time. Medium rare, that’s the best. Personally, I think this site should be called “stuff EVERYBODY likes, but is funny to point out”. I mean marijuana?!?! Come on, what culture/race doesn’t like marijuana?
Also, I was gravely concerned that “I pooped my pants” guy/girl had somehow not made a post for this item. Imagine my relief to realize he was just very far down the e-mail chain.
Rock on “I pooped my pants”!
eating vegan is not any better for the environment than eating meat… and “organic” food is grown in roughly the same way that any other food is.
also, people who only buy products with “All natural” flavors could be in a worse position than those who eat artificially flavored foods. Banana flavoring in particular contains small traces of arsenic when produced using natural ingredients, but is clean when produced artificially.
Stick to eating lots of fiber, lots of veggies, and little red meat and your body will be happiest. Giving up all animal products is not natural. We have sharp teeth for a reason.
No, the human body was not and is not designed to eat meat. There are huge differenance between a carnivores and humans. Our bowels are completely different, and meat eating humans suffer from colon cancer and heart disease..
my ancestors ate all sorts of meat, sometimes even raw. the coolest part about it is that none of them ever developed colon cancer or heart disease. think before you speak, otherwise you just look stupid.
Actually, the primates that we are descended from were by and large vegetarians, only eating insects when they couldn’t find anything else. Also, they were cannibals, eating their conquered enemies from other tribes of apes. If you wanna do everything your ancestors did why don’t you try that too, Dahmer.
They didn’t get colon cancer or have heart disease because their life expectancy was in the 30’s in the stone age. Swaziland has very little heart disease or cancer but I don’t think we’d consider 32.6 year life expectancy something to shoot for.
Remember the example showing correlation doesn’t mean causation: those who eat fruit loops for breakfast have a lower incidence of colon cancer than those who eat raisin bran for breakfast? Think about and you’ll realize your logic is not in fact logical.
The human body is basically designed to consume just about anything. We have the front teeth of carnivores and the back teeth of herbivores. Part of the reason why we are classified as omnivores. Our digestive systems can efficiently process just about anything thrown down there. With the possible exception of rocks. An exclusionary diet at either end of the spectrum is less healthy than a balanced diet. The Evangelical Christian Right vs Muslim Suicide Bombers. Vegans vs Pure Meat Eaters. The same. Extremists rarely appear sane to anyone who is not a member of their tribe. And just as they lack balance is one part of their life, they also lack balance in their psyche. And rant in an effort to get converts.
Oops! Should have proofread before posting. It should read “And just as they lack balance in one part of their life …”
bless you
In Afghanistan, it’s not uncommon to find those in the hinterlands to, uh, how shall I put this…engage in routine “familial” relations with various goats and sheep. I’m pretty sure the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) had something to say about this, and it probably wasn’t, “Go forth and fornicate with livestock.” In this regard, I think eating said sheep and goats is a lot more environmentally friendly than creating some sort of potential suicide satyr.
Non-meat-eating humans suffer from bruises sustained while being beaten up by physically stronger meat-eating humans.
Carl Lewis is an Olympic-winning track and field athlete. Brendan Brazier is a professional triathlete. Christine Vardaros is a world-class cyclo-cross racer. The one thing they all have in common? They are all vegans.
Dr. Graham, who has trained many Olympic caliber athletes, explains: “Every nutrient known to be essential for human health is available, in proper concentration, in plant foods. This is not so with animal-based foods, as there are many essential nutrients totally absent in them.”
And not all vegans try to convert people. I am vegan and I respect other people’s dietary choices.
Please tell me which essential vitamin or nutrient cannot be obtained from meat.
Carbohydrates.
And don’t even try to say the batter they fry chicken in counts.
Haha I love this comment!
Notice all the vegans listed in the other response excel in some form of running (away.) Maybe I’ll change my mind if I hear of a Mixed-Martial Artist CHAMPION who is Vegan.
Hormones aren’t all bad people. They make farm animals bigger, they make the opposite sex even sexier. We’d all be DEAD without hormones, and don’t you forget it!
Signed, the Hunter, not the Gatherer
Perhaps not a champion yet, at professional levels, but certainly this is a start:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mac_Danzig
And how about this? Not only a vegan, but *gasp* a woman!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maureen_Shea
wow. I think you should take a look at the eskimos. they ate meat for over half the year, no veggies.
Our closest relatives, chimpanzees, eat meat and practice cannibalism. Yummy!
I’ve never had chimpanzee, do they taste like chicken?
Are you kidding me? It’s as much of a myth that we “meat eaters” are constantly suffering from colon cancer/clogging/complete rectal failure/butt fallout as it is that all vegans/vegetarians are sickly and weak and bleed pink. Sure, our meat industry from a factory farming/corn fed angle is royally screwed, but beef allowed to graze on what they can actually digest will NOT kill you. It’s actually very healthy for you. Look at Europe! You’d think France would be, by now, a desolate wasteland by how much meat and cheese they eat in every meal, but they’re healthier than us. Same with any culture that has never even seen a cow/chicken/pig/etc. come out of a CAFO.
We’re omnivores. We can process veggies, fruits, grains AND meat (our digestive systems began to evolve to only tolerate cooked meat right around the time we started figuring out that cooking it was a way to preserve it/chew it easier). Our incisors shrunk not because we’re supposed to be eating freakin’ grass all day and every day (do we have rumens? No. Do we have hindguts? No. Do we have acidic stomachs? YES.), but because we a.) no longer needed such large canine-like teeth to contend with raw meats, b.) as our language skills continued to develop, we didn’t exactly need to show our big scary teeth to each other in order to show dominance, and c.) because rather than depend strictly on our teeth to rip into any food (plantlife included) we made more efficient tools and even employed our newfound friend the domestic dog to hunt for us. I’m sure there are even more factors, but I’m already writing an essay here…on “Stuff White People Like”, no less.
Exclude animal products from your diet for various reasons if you wish, but don’t sit here and repeat something you most likely saw on some angry Peta member’s blogspot that they got from some OTHER angry Peta member’s blogspot just because it sort of makes sense and conveniently fits your cause. You sound no smarter than a creationist.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go eat the hell out of some chicken wings.
As a true monster Iwish all veggies and vegans would devolve to the point of having one eye on each side of their heads . Check out the Serengeti (prey). G.Zilla
what’s wrong with being a creationist??
nope, we have canines that are so miniscule if it came back to hunter gatherer days they would not do the carnivore job. take the gorilla for example. they have the largest canines in the whole primate kingdom and they are 100% herbivorous. our mouth is predominantly filled with molars to grind up plant matter much like that of a cow, just as our digestive tract is longer and slower than carnivores, because palnt matter doesnt poison the bodies the was putirfying meat does (hence why carnivores’ digestive tracts are very short, to get that shit- literally- out of their body as quick as possible.) similarly, i learned all aobut lactose intolerance in a biological anthropolgy course i took. how unnatural it is to not only suckle from another species, but suckle into adulthood, when no other species does this and we have not evolved to catch up with modern cultural practices. so if you want o use the old, we’ve got teeth therefore we can eat animals excuse, you sure are wrong. thnik of a better excuse next time.
There’s a lot of shit we do that no other animals does. I mean, when the fuck did it become natural to let various plants rot (sorry, ferment) and then drink the bi-product? I can’t, for the life of me, think of any other animal that cooks its food either - but I think I’ll continue to do both.
We can eat meat because we are able to digest it, not because we have teeth. If you can digest it, you can eat it.
Human’s weren’t “built” to eat jack shit. They’ve evolved to be able to tolerate different sources of food over time. Your ancestors ate meat. Deal with it.
BTW, there are FAR more species of plants that are toxic to humans than there are animals.
Spider monkeys eat rotten fruit from the top of trees and get inebriated on them. But I tend to agree with you.
Wow, it doesn’t sound like you’re trying to justify killing animals by trying to pass it off as a required part of a healthy diet or anything…
Do some reading, consuming less animals does help the environment. This is basically why on all accredited environmental footprint tests they ask you your diet as well. The average cow consumes about 15 lbs of grain each day. Multiply that by each day of it’s 3 year long life. Then compare that to the 500-600 lbs of meet each cow produces. Clearly we are wasting food in order to sustain this luxury. This unnecessary farming puts a further strain on our environment. Not only that, the ratio of protein from grain to beef is nearly 15:1. There are much better uses for this food, especially when there are about 6 mil orphans in the world who go to sleep hungry every night.
That’s news to me. Last time I checked, we did’nt have fangs. I’ll go home and compare my teeth to my dog, I’m sure their exactly the same.
Go back to Science class.
I pooped my pants
yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Finaly.
I once ate a free-range Twinkie, but it didn’t taste the same as the regular Twinkies. Must have something to do with what they’re fed. To make matters worse, I had to take my Hummer 3 all the way across town to the Whole Foods to find this new “miracle” Twinkie. Fortunately, I saved some time by leaving the Hummer running in the parking lot. Plus, there was a 7-11 across the street so I could pick up a pack of cheap smokes and a six pack of Milwaukee’s best
It’s not the concern for the world and environmental conservation through consumer behaviors that are funny. It’s the freaking extremism… I have a neighbor girl who insists on eating raw food, for what I don’t know… As if not cooking at all is somehow gonna give the most amount of absorbed nutrition. And the extent to which that is annoying to those who do not try to carry the world’s burden on their shoulders, well, is overbearing.
If culture is what sets humans apart, and cooking is the basis of culture… Who are we to completely turn thousands years of human tradition upside down? Show me one civilization that subsisted on raw, vegan or for that matter vegetarian food… and have been around a long time and prospered. I know the argumentative ones of you are going to bring up the splendid history of war, and I have no answer to that… but I know that the raw food thing ain’t here to stay.
Really? Save the environment? By trucking organic food across the entire continent (sometimes across the globe)? What of the depleting soil in California? And what of the South American populace and their land that you are robbing to feed your bourgeoisie desires? The gas that all that burns? The 42 degree environment your organic salad mix had been under the moment it got into the processing plant until you pick it up at the Wholefoods? The freaking hippily-dipply smug that others must endure? You really all that different? Please…
All this is silly… I have some obnoxious friends who actively drive big cars, and use extra napkin just because, and yet know others who wouldn’t toast sesame because somehow it’s always better the less you cook something. Hogwash, when did everyone just up and became a food nutritionist? And can they put out vegetarian recipes without all the emotional fluff in the title? As if somehow the spiritual adjective would magically enhance the flavor of the food.
With the exception of a few (and maybe the psycho-semantic plays a bit role in rejection of a whole realm of food, should get a checkup for evolutionary deficiency syndrome) who just cannot put meat down, we are meant to consume meat as a species… You political dieters, don’t eat whatever, I don’t care… just don’t tell me the fruity-ass crap and all the elixir-like supplements that you are consuming is somehow wholesome…
This is a freaking awesome post.
Although I am vegetarian, I agree with everything you said. Just keep in mind that not all vegetarians are trying to save the world. Some of us are just trying to sleep at night.
I’m a vegetarian because I got tired of putting crap in my body. There is literally shit in the meat supply.
i.e.: non-white people are bad for the environment.
I’m with Mohammed, lets hold a rally or a march or something outdoors to raise awareness about this!
In fact I think my gay black friend and I will start a NPO for this cause!
f you mohammed, vegans are malnourished pussies.
lol agreed, meat is really good for your body, but people just watch those stupid PETA videos and think that all ranchers/slaughter houses are like that.
I LOVE PETA chips, or are those pita chips?
clearly you are an arrogant wank, there are meat eating pussies and there are vegan pussies. You can not judge a whole group of people by a select few.
Well Carl, your an over-weight, heart-attack prone vagina!
haha good job being wrong carl
lol I never looked or felt better since I stopped eating meat.
still this is a funny blog, I dont like self rightous types=)
That’s because you probably look like a combination of Mary Kate Olsen and Amy Whinehouse.
This goes beyond cosumer decisions, it’s a becoming a psuedo-religion to some people. Almost like it’s expected of a left-winger whites to become vegetarian on be on the road to one, lest they get scorned by their peers. People want to be healthy? Good for them. Want to reduce pollution? Good for them. But no, they have to become vegan missionaries. The more I hear from them, the more I crave a greasy hamburger.
maybe you should find out where your greasy hamburger comes from..
Who cares? It tastes good.
Five words that changed my life:
“There’s shit in the meat.”
Look up “downer cows” on Youtube sometime.
Hehe, it’s actually pretty good. You would die much faster if you would actually do that, but usually it’s all just talk and consuming goes on like usual.
Vegetarians aren’t all that bad on the self-righteousness scale, but the vegans I’ve met are on the whole on the level of tent-revival preachers–woe betide those who put the unclean products of animals into their bodies!! And to top it off, every single one looked like a famine victim, so please don’t tell me how it’s somehow healthier to not eat meat at all.
Everything in moderation, folks.
actually I’m a vegan and I def do not look a famine victim.. once again people are judging a whole group of people because they have meet one or two of that group. Until you meet all the Vegans in the world you probably shouldn’t say crap like that
I’m a vegan, 5′3″ and 160 pounds. Does that sound like a famine victim to you? Most of the vegans I know are chubby, actually.
dear Chris,
as a vegan of five+ years, i’ll just let you know we arent all preachers and i am certainly far from emaciated, i am a healthy, hot vegan lady (damn sexy most would say too!) and those waifs just use the label vegan instead of claiming their anorexia, but yes i do care what i put in my body and i do care that sentient animals die for merely preference of taste buds, and i do care that intensive factory “farming” is more polluting than cars and industry, and power plants combined. I’m still alive and kicking and i havent eaten meat since i was little, and i’m healthier and less ill than ever. the preacher shit simply comes from stupid carnivores that come up with really mundane, ignorant, and defensive lines (like what DO you eat, cardboard, yuck yuck.) and the whole ignorance is bliss shit: cop out. i can totally accept someone’s choice to eat meat if they’ve thought about it and it doesnt bother them and they can go out and kill something and eat it and dont care about the implications it has on the environment and on their health down the road; if they can keep it in moderation (which is the biggest problem in america, ie- fast food as the new crack.) then i have no right to tell someone what to do, i simply ask, dont be an ignorant asshole, that’s all.
What a bung hole thou art. There are millions of people who live where your precious edible plants can’t grow. Hunting,eating grubs,larvae etc. ain’t a option. Try eating locusts or mealworms or what else fills your belly to keep you and your family alive. Pretentious horse’s ass!!!! With love most non white third worlders.
Wow!
Non-white third worlders apparently got internet access and learned how to make inane points in blog comments.
[...] hate ira glass and terry gross), listen to some indie music, own the arrested development dvds, am vegan, and drink too much coffee. i’m so white! anyhow… i’m going to go watch a [...]
hey, at least it requires a level of sacrifice, unlike a lot of the other things on here ($2 extra for fair trade? sure! etc)
The best are the fat veggies/vegans… AKA carbotarians. My roommate is a proud vegetarian but she hates vegetables and fruits… I ask you.
t Mohammed
Yes, what food people eat will indeed save the world, as there is obviously no gray area between organic food (salvation) and fast food (damnation).
Pretty stereotypical white perspective, “my way is the only good way”. Maybe someone could name an expensive sandwich after your ideas, call it, The White Man’s Burden Burger (100% Vegan tofu loaf).
Paradox: While vegetarian meals can be quite tasty, vegans/vegetarians are Always insufferable. odd.
You need to do what I do, invite a couple of Vegan friends over, feed them “Vegan lasagna” with “tofu” then, at the end of the meal, say, “Ha, fooled you! The tofu was actually left over Hungry Man Salisbury steak!” Talk about watching a bunch of stuck up pricks turn green.
You sound like an awful human being. If any of my “friends” did that, I would kick their fucking nuts in. Rightous asshole.