Regardless if you are vegetarian, vegan, or just guilty about eating meat, all white people love Sushi. To them, it’s everything they want: foreign culture, expensive, healthy, and hated by the ‘uneducated.’
But there are different levels of white person Sushi love. At the bottom are the spicy tuna/california roll eaters. These are the people who get their fix at places named “Rock And Roll!” “Magic Sushi Company,” or Trader Joes-type supermarkets. Often times, this sushi isn’t the most authentic, but white people can’t get enough!
The next level up is the entry level Sushi snob, these are people who still love rolls, but are willing to branch out to Salmon and Tuna sashimi, maybe even eel.
Finally, you have the white sushi snob. These people just take it all way too far. Often times, they will only sit at the sushi bar, will try to order in Japanese and will only order Omakase. These people will often be extremely critical of anyone who eats a roll of any type or does not properly flip the nighiri into their mouths.
When white people get Sushi they all want to order Sake to complete the authentic experience.
So, how can this information be turned into personal gain?
White people are obsessed with finding good sushi, therefore if you offer to take them to ‘the best sushi place’ in town, you are sure to have them accept. If you are asian man, this is an almost no-fail method of getting dates with white girls, and maybe, just maybe joining Bruce Lee and Paul Kariya’s dad.
In addition, going out for Sushi is considered a special evening in white person culture. Not as special as breakfast, but still, it comes with expectations.
But what if the person you are interested in is a vegetarian? Not a problem. For some reason, most white people who say they are vegetarians will eat Sushi. Apparently, fish aren’t cute enough to warrant inclusion with pigs, chickens and cows.
I think vegetarianism only applies to not eating animals with identifiable human-like features. Fish don’t have visible ears or nostrils; therefore they can be eaten.
Yeah, I wouldn’t touch sushi with a ten foot pole. This confirms my suspicions that I’m actually black.
Black folks do eat sushi… I have proof
I pooped my pants
awesome!
If its back faces heaven, you should eat it.
how lame are you?
these blogs are making me laugh so hard and just say “so true.”
http://www.charlottecusumano.wordpress.com
Never had sushi, but I am a vegetarian and I’ve heard they make veggie sushi.
there is sushi made with only vegetables or with avocado or tofu. there is even frushi, which is sushi made with fruit! : )
actually vegetarian means eating no meat of any kind, vegan means also consuming no animal products (eggs, cheese, gelatin, lard etc.) and the proper term for someone who’s only intake of meat is fish is actually pescatarian. just some fyi. : )
you must be white.
HA! Too true! I’m a vegetarian… and did, in fact, just have sushi for dinner!
if the sushi you ate had fish on it then you are a pescatarian, sorry. vegetarian means no meat.
People who only eat certain types of meat don’t get a special word. There are people who eat chicken and expect to be called “pollotarian.” I’m sorry, but being picky doesn’t make you special.
But yeah, there is a lot of sushi with no fish in it.
by definition, you can be a vegetarian if you abstain from eating a meat. whether its just lamb, or its all meat.
and if you didnt consider lard meat in your other definition, you’re an idiot.
this blog is meant to be funny, not educational. why do you feel the need to correct it with trivial things?
Sushi is definately NOT vegetarian. I actually hate fish more than any other meat meal. Blech.
Does this mean I’m not white?
I can’t be white either. Sushi makes me sick - I hate fish and raw fish even more so. I’ve only ever met pretentious bastards who liked sushi. But then again, that does apply to a lot of us white folks.
Lulu, you’re just retarded.
This blog is amazing
If you leave raw fish out for an extended period, it develops bacteria which can cause explosive diarrhea!!!
I just came.
I had a horrible experience with a white person involving a) sushi and b) knowing more about your culture than you. A friend was trying to school my other JAPANESE friend about sushi. I was SO embarrassed.
Sushi isn’t vegetarian. Fish is not vegetarian. Fish are sentient beings.
George W. Bush wants to envision a world where people and fish can live in harmony. But he is an idiot! Bring on the white rice and raw fish!
If I scrape the layer of polyurethane coating from my Ms. Paul’s Fish Sticks, does that make them a vegan dish or just vegetarian? I don’t think there’s any mean in fish sticks, is there?
White people heard about sushi and decided that eating uncooked fish was good. Then they decided that eating unpeeled potatoes was good. What’s next, egg shells?
I guesss smal flakes of your skin, and small baby fetuses.
way to take a joke seriously
Sushi is Japanese. Japanese == bad.
Nickypoo,
’sentience’ isn’t the trait which taxonomists use to class organisms.
Epitome of sushi snobbery (my mother) - refuses to consume any sushi containing commercially raised or caught fish.
Irony element - So snobby about their sushi consumption that they are effectively prevented from consuming most sushi.
The ultimate snobbery - Keep turning up ur nose at pretty much everything.. Who says u have to even eat sushi :-))
Whenever I change jobs I have to gingerly inform my new lunch crew that I am profoundly indifferent to sushi, and that I will therefore NOT be accompanying them to any sushi resturants. Sushi is just so fricking blah.
I haven’t actually received the response “but… you’re white!” yet; but I do get looks of incomprehension from white people who just love to overstate how rapturously wonderful sushi is.
The Japanese palate doesn’t interest me at all. It’s the least interesting cuisine on earth.
I hate fish. Especially salt water fish. And I can’t think of any animal I’ll eat raw. So sushi is out.
“all white people love Sushi. ” I’m white.
Remember, vegetarians shouldn’t be eating anything that has a face. And fish do have feelings too…
Not on my plate they don’t!
LOL ,sushi,asian girls,weed,asian girls that smoke weed while eating sushi! Now there’s a keeper!
LOL. On my plate not even you have a face, on my plate I invent own natural laws and have melted wood on my pizza!
You know what white people like? Being utterly neurotic and taking blog posts über seriously. And mapping people’s dietary choices mystically to their personality (their tastebuds, clearly, have no role here). Oh yeah, I almost forgot - calling other white people ‘pretentious’.
I have a secret… I’m going to tell it… everyone’s pretentious! That’s right! It’s a little known fact, but it’s true! 99.9% of the population of the world are pretentious bastards! You too! And you! And you!
Disagree? Tell me why…
I think you left someone out
i bet you’re part of that .1% that’s not pretentious, huh?
because you are unique just like everyone else!
[...] all, god knows i love sushi, irony, and sarah silverman, and apparently, that’s no [...]
So that’s the secret to hook up with white chicks!!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
Naw, sushi’s played — white people like Thai food now.
You are hilarious and I am still going to post this.
I’m white and I sometimes eat sushi.
I like sushi - but I don’t eat fish - there are lots of things to eat that are not fishy at a sushi restaurant.
i agree with gus… most white people prefer thai (or occasionally indian) food these days
i like it all, myself
Sushi, for the most part, is inedible crap. People in America (not just White ones, alas) like it because they think they’re supposed to, not because its any good. Say what one will about rednecks, but even pork rinds are preferable to having a piece of leathery seaweed in your mouth (that’s part of the charm of rednecks; they don’t need someone else to tell them what they like, and it is better to have authentically bad taste than to have bad taste foisted upon you via robotic social conformity). Plus you don’t have to share pork rinds with any damn Jews….
“Epitome of sushi snobbery (my mother) - refuses to consume any sushi containing commercially raised or caught fish.
I don’t get it; doesn’t that include all fish? Or perhaps she eats Vegan sushi? Man, there’s a scary thought. I’m pretty much the epitome of race snobbery (by which I mean I contributed money to David Duke’s 1991 campaign for Governor of Louisiana…and I wasn’t being ironic about it), and even I have to admit that if you can manage to dig up any real, live specimens that actually adhere to the consumption of Vegan sushi, its a pretty safe bet they’re White. The other races just don’t produce masochists at the necessary frequency in order to support a Vegan sushi craze within their respective communities.
“If you leave raw fish out for an extended period, it develops bacteria which can cause explosive diarrhea!!!”
Um, I think you’ll find that’s pretty much the case with all animal flesh-based food products….Although I did once consume half a pepperoni pizza that had been left sitting on my kitchen counter for two weeks (which is to say, at room temperature) and I didn’t get so much as an upset stomach.
“White people heard about sushi and decided that eating uncooked fish was good. Then they decided that eating unpeeled potatoes was good. What’s next, egg shells?”[/i]
The skin of the potato is where all the flavor and all the nutrients are (there’s more vitamin C in just the skin of one Idaho russet than in an entire orange). If mouthful after mouthful of bland, undifferentiated, largely unnutricious mush is your thing, however, knock yourself out.
My boyfriend and I are vegetarians; do not even eat fish. We went to Japan(lol) and wanted to go to THE best sushi restaurant in Tokyo in hopes that the chef would be creative with a non-sushi tasty dish. Ummm, not so much. After we ordered and requested NO sushi, the entire staff and customers in ear shot laughed at us. We so deserved it too. What were we thinking……..
More Stuff White People Like - confusing Sushi (the rice) with Sashimi (the raw fish)
“More Stuff White People Like - confusing Sushi (the rice) with Sashimi (the raw fish)”
EXACTLY what I was thinking. Sushi IS vegetarian, Sashimi is not.
I eat everything, so there! . . .take that to the bank and cash it.
Sushi is definitely played. Plus it kinda tastes like bland play-do. Of course that comes from an under educated white guy. And yes, I have had more than a california roll. The last sushi I had though was rather tasty though she kept screaming the whole time, yeee ha.
T tutone, you’re a sicko, even a white trash honkie like myself wouldn’t go that far. . .. . . infact I’m not even sure you’re white! tsk tsk
i am half black and half jewish and i have been eating sushi since childhood, when BOTH my black father AND my jewish mother began taking me to our local (sadly, now sold and turned into a Wasabi - sushi for white people - chain restaurant). my sushi eating circle of friends includes one short irish friend who likes to drink too much sake and gets loud and belligerent at our local sushi spot, which is small and accommodates a crowd of probably less than 30 people at full capacity, as well as a tall black friend who has recently adopted the irishman’s affinity for chirashi bowls. i’d say the black friend is more pretentious than the irish friend because he used to bring a chess board out to the park when we were younger, but the irish friend is an endless fountain of acquired knowledge, so he might be more pretentious. plus, he lived in williamsburg long before it was the ‘hip’ place to be, and now that he’s living back in the suburbs he likes to bash all the people who live there now.
ps
the irish friend, the black friend and myself all only eat fish and no other animals. i don’t refer to myself as a vegetarian, and i’ve actually had people tell me that ‘vegetarians eat fish’ as though somehow fish are classified as fauna to them. i stopped eating meat when i was in high school, almost twenty years ago, but continued eating poultry and fish into my latter college years, and have never given up fish simply because… i LOVE sushi.
sorry, that should read ‘fish are NOT classified as fauna to them.’
oh and pps
sushi is Korean in origin
dont forget the plum wine
Sushi is meat for wusses. It has to be the most emasculating food out there that isn’t tofu.
Eat real meat, not raw fish.
“Sushi is meat for wusses. It has to be the most emasculating food out there that isn’t tofu.
Eat real meat, not raw fish.”
I love it. Reverse snobbery!
For the record, sushi is delicious, but I do prefer a nice steak. Pork rinds are absolutely inedible.
More Stuff White People Like (2) - Not bothering with reading the comments of other people (No 30 & 31) and still referring to items in a way that has already been pointed out as being incorrect.
Lee 35&37 Wasabi is a vegetable often served with sushi (though you’ll find most of the time you’re getting wasabi substitute), and the origin of sushi lies more with the Chinese and to the southern regions; unless you have some documentary evidence prior to 2ndC BCE to support the Korean origin?
I’m white, and I love fried chicken, watermelon, cheap beer, and collard greens. I also think welfare is bullshit, and that the only place to get good Mexican food is Mexico. Does that mean I’m racially confused, or just southern?
I must not the “white” you’re describing either. The only “seafood” I like is Walleye or Salmon. You must be describing Yuppie White people.
Just for the record, sushi is not all fish!!!!!!
I am chinese, grew up in Asia and have always eaten Japanese food. I am also vegan. I enjoy sushi tremendously.
Sashimi is fish. I don’t eat sashimi because it’s an animal but I enjoy vegan sushi at any Japanese restaurant
Here are some vegan sushi I would order:
inari sushi - rice wrapped in sweet marinated tofu skin
kanpyo sushi - sushi with pickled gourd strips
nado sushi - sushi with fermented soy beans (so authentic most w. people are grossed out by it)
kappa sushi - cucumber sushi
avacado sushi
Oshinko sushi - pickled yellow radish
Yam tempura sushi
There’s a million other non-sushi things I order at a Japanese restaurant too.
Hi Joanne, are you the one who makes the sticky buns!?
I’m definitely at the bottom, the spicy/crunch tuna and California roll eaters.
Once again, you are a genius.
Promise you will only use your powers for good.
I now understand how I can be white and not vegetarian. Sushi/sashimi. Dur.
My favorite is caterpillar sushi.
White people also love Questionable Content.
It’s okay to eat fish cuz they don’t have any feeeelings.
Is it possible to like sushi and not be pretentious?
“Remember, vegetarians shouldn’t be eating anything that has a face.”
No, vegetarians avoid any flesh product of an animal. Eggs don’t have faces, but a true vegetarian would not eat one (unless they’re ovo-veggies).
That said, fish is fucking delicious.
eating sushi rolls and being white is acceptable if you’re vegetarian because, obviously, all you can eat is avocado/cucumber/asparagus rolls. i’m sure this has already been rectified in the comments but i just needed to point it out, because i’m white.
i just found out about this page therefore excuse my late reply. i hate when people in general say “Let’s do sushi”. Like wth is that suppose to mean and that is not a hip thing to say