#45 Asian Fusion Food
January 31, 2008 by mylosh
While white people enjoy venturing to ethnic parts of town to satisfy their pallette, most would prefer to take their first dates and parents to a place with dimmer lights, less water tanks with crabs and lobsters wishing that they would die, less ducks hanging from the window and table cloths that aren’t plastic sheets. Some people caught on to this and decided to open Fusion Asian restaurants. These people are now very rich
Fusion restaurants offer a mix of all Asian foods (except Indian, but most don’t know that India is part of Asia) in an atmosphere that resembles a cocktail lounge in the West Village as opposed to Hong Kong. Basically you can eat exotic, in comfortable surroundings. Many are not shy to admit that the food is subpar and overpriced, but they still line up for hours to get in because they love the decor and the mix drinks. These places often have names with no Asian words or characters in them and are limited to two syllables. ie) Ginger, Spring Rolls, Wild Rice, Sumile. Sometimes the names are really clever like “Asiate”, get it?
taken from dinehere.ca
Norvanne from North Van
Ironically, we ended up with too much time to kill. So we stretched out our meal as long as we could. In retrospect, I’m amazed how well we were treated in the circumstances. People were starting to line up and we were still occupying a primo table. Our server was exceptionally prompt, yet never implied that we should hurry. We were encouraged to take our time and enjoy ourselves.
Vanchef from Vancouver
The atmosphere was supported by the overpriced average food.Meaning you pay to sit in this place at the edge of Chinatown.
chowman of Main Street, Vancouver (please note that everyone from east vancouver must describe which neighbourhood they live in as opposed to saying just “Vancouver”
I had a glass of Noble Blend before the soup, a glass of pinot noir with the soup, and a glass of shiraz with the bison. Mrs. C had a pink famingo and two glasses of Noble Blend. After dinner drinks were Scapa scotch and Rip van Winkle bourbon (very reasonably priced). The service was attentive save for a gap between being seated and our drink order being taken. I think that Vancouver servers generally allow too much time to pass after seating. The decor at the front is minimalist. I think the tables look a little tired. I am not a big fan of lucite and metal. The bar set up is colourful.
Buck from Vancouver
I will give credit - the food was decent, enjoyed the ambiance and the front staff was very pleasant. However, our server was absolutely terrible. First, it took him forever to come and greet us. Then it took forever for him to bring our water and to take our drink order.
Sage from Downtown Van
I’ve only been twice, but while the atmosphere is comfortable and reasonably stylish, every dish I’ve sampled has been very weak considering the prices they charge.
bart weisser from Vancouver
What a great looking room, right out of Wallpaper, nice tunes, and sexy staff. Cocktails are all too sweet and focus on pretty colours rather than showing off the booze. Wine list is the best in the Gastown/Chinatown hood although chill Winston and Salt have more by the glass. Food is mediocre at best and dessert shameful.
I’ll close with this one
EandE from Richmond (they are obviously Asian)
Downside is the menu has too many phonetic chinese words (we have no idea what it means even though my GF and I are fluent chinese). Dessert menu was unappealing.
I pooped my pants
Do you think we go into these neighborhoods for the conversation? Of course we only go into non-white areas for the food. Food and music are how cultures interact. If that seems lame, just start mugging whites and they can speand their money at Whole Foods instead.
By the way, love the last comment, those guys are douchebags.
[...] post info By Russ Crandall Categories: Editorials and Food Shit. I just spent 10 minutes reading through a fellow WordPress blog, Stuff White People Like. So far, they’ve listed 66 things. For the most part, they’re pretty spot-on, if not a little generic. The one I agreed with most (and despise the most) is #45, asian fusion food. [...]
yeap. if words like steam rice, ginger, soy cause, soy, terriyaki, spring roll, egg roll, thai…are included in the dish description then it can be claimed as an Asian dish. Of course chopsticks are usually brought with your order. And yes you pay $8 for a bowl of noodles at these places vs. 4.50 at real asian place. oh did i mention they taste like crap. a crap load of soy sauce over my rice and chicken and it’s asian dish!
a clue to good asian place….if there are old asians customer and the cooks and waiter/tress barely speaks english….you will get authentic food. And you’re getting a large noodle bowl for $4.50. yum yum.
Tsk, tsk: “palate” and less vs. fewer. 20 cc’s of editing, stat!
O shut up.
“Saucebox” in Portland, Oregon fits all your criteria.
That would be “fewer fish tanks,” not less.
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
Asians like to shoot heroin?
I wouldn’t dare call you racist. Boring? Sure. Predictable? Definitely. Usable as hamburger meat? Absolutely.
“Lemon Grass” in Columbus, O fits the bill…
Toledo, O. was late to catch on and only recently “Bistro Wasabi” (”an oasis of local sophistication in the midst of a synthetic culture shopping area. Tucked on a side street of “Levis Commons”, Bistro Wasabi offers an eclectic mix of Japanese sushi house favorites, Asian fusion creations, and the Toledo staple of steaks and chicken!”
has caught on.
This doesn’t apply if you have an Asian girlfriend, as you’ll lose major style points for eating at such a place.
I’m white and I have no idea what the hell Asian Fusion Food is. Only white people know, like the author of this blog.
don’t worry about not knowing. you’re better off.
[...] My Favorite Blog 19 02 2008 I hate to say it, but I’ve done The Humpty Dance a few too many times. Also, dammit, I’ve eaten my fair share of Asian Fusion Food. [...]
fusion place down the street shared a kitchen with the irish place.
Soooo right about the names.
Liquid Ginger (multiple health code violations)
Dragonfly
Rolls&Bolls
Plus there’s the delivery places Bento Box (not as bad as the others) and Wok&Roll, but they aren’t trendy like the above places.
The sorostitutes swear that Dragonfly is the “best sushi in Gainesville.” I guess they mean it’s the only sushi place they’d be caught dead at.
This is so true. I was on the bus one day sitting behind two white people and they had this exact discussion. They were discussing asian restaurants/decor/ and what was an acceptable place to take their parents and what wasn’t. KUDOS.
‘Palate’, not ‘pallette’ (even then it would be ‘palette’ - one ‘L’ in each word). This blog is funny, but there are a number of spelling and grammar mistakes scattered through the posts, and they can be distracting.
So many of these posts are true!
There ARE indeed Indian fusion restaurants…I used to work at one in Chicago! They also have them in DC and NY I think.
I think you need to check your facts…if India was part of Asia people from there would be Asian.
You just wrote thee stupidest comment of this entire blog. Please check a map of Asia.
maybe they were trying to be ironic
OMG! Are you from stone age or something?
India is part of asia but becuase there is such an evolutionary difference (skin color, height, slanty eyes, anime fetish, driving skills) they don’t lump them in with “traditionally” asian people ie japanese, chinese, korean. also there are like 3 billion indians so i think they deserve their own title. japan has like 100 million so they can just share.
India — Population: 1,129,866,154 (July 2007 est.)
China — Population: 1,321,851,888 (July 2007 est.)
these numbers make you retarded.
They need to learn the best Asian food is found in little dank shacks. Only thing, you have to fight with some guy with limited English skills to order a glass a water, but then again some white folk like that stuff because it makes it more authentic.
There’s nothing authentic about irritable bowel syndrome.
I give props to this site for acknowledging the fact that Indians Are Asian!
http://www.indiansareasian.com
When white people go to Indian restaurants they always order Chicken Tikka Masala and Saag Paneer (or some Saag chiken dish). Why do white people love spinach so much? No Indian would ever order Saag. If they do, it’s because they are with white people and trying to be polite.
Fusion is really gross. I just can’t agree with my brethren on that one.
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You should go to Indian-Chinese fusion restaurants. They basically serve what goes by the name “chinese food” in India. It has a lot more soy sauce, garlic and red chilli. And when I went to such places in New York, I observed again that most people there were white.
As for Indians being “Asians”, reminds of a a funny mix-up of Fox News during the failed/botched London and Glasgow car bombings in Fall 07. The British news channels were saying the suspects were “Asian”. The panel on Fox started discussing how it is a first that Asians are involved in Al Qaida. They waxed on it for an hour, even managing to weave the VTech shooter into the discussion.
Then an hour later they sheepishly clarified that “Asian” in Britain usually means men from South Asia or the Middle East and even carried it as a blurb for a while.
i’m white and didn’t even know what asian fusion food was until i read this post.
Hang on, I don’t get it. Asiate? Over my head. What?
OHHH MY U HIT IT RIGHT ON THE NAIL HOMIE!!!
Me and Wifey went to this asian fusion spot called “SKY”
its a lil restaurant out here on the top of the new holiday inn(the whole hotel is pretty much asian themed).
the atmosphere was great,the hotel and restaurant was real nice.but the food was mediocre at best.
prices were not that bad althought i did order the duck which was damn near 30 dollars and i might add had no taste(come to think of it neither did the spring rolls we ordered)
plus the sake was nasty.
The one thing I’ve noticed is you are more likely to be given chopsticks in places like these than you are in traditional Thai restaurants.
You’re not truly white unless you eat with the chopsticks (sorry, Bill Maher).
seriously #17 are you kidding me? India IS part of Asia. It is a part of south asia along with pakistan, bagladesh, nepal, and sri lanka. my family is from pakistan and i am a south asian person. i’m asian. i repeat: i’m asian.
i know when i check that little box that says “asian/pacific islander” to identify my race that most people imagine me being a little east asian girl. asia is the world’s largest and most populous continent with many different and distinct regions: middle east (southwest asia), central asia (lots of the former ussr, afghanistan etc), south asia, south-east asia (vietnam, cambodia, burma etc) and finally (everyone’s favorite) east asia.
all asians are not chinese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
btw LOVE this site! hilarious!! too bad there are some ignorant people with no sense of humor who make lame comments
OOPS! I meant that for #18 not 17, sorry, my bad. I totally agree with 17, there are lots of lame Indian fusion places in dc
My town has a Wasabi 88 and a Lemongrass. Let me tell you though, I’m just happy that there’s something besides Chop Chop chinese takeout.
If you really want good Asian food, go where all the Asian people go. In fact, apply this to every other culture except white culture.
Thai food rocks!
sumile is three syllables and means gift in japanese…
and was actually a very good restaurant when josh dechellis was the chef…
“sumile is three syllables and means gift in japanese…”
Not if you’re a white person.
Someone (I believe it was Michelle Malkin, who is not white but desperately wishes she was) actually realized that the Middle East was in Asia, but only as an excuse to beat up anyone with a turban.
PFChang would probably be on the top of the list. Not one asian server and all the cooks I think were mexicans. And yes, white people loved it. Do they really think they are eating authentic asian food? The asians who are sitting with their caucasian partners, friends, associates are probably thinking, “The general tso spicy chicken with bamboo shoots and rice for $16.95? I could have a 5 course meal at a hole in the wall in Chinatown for less than that!”
Asian Fusion appeals to a select crowd who don’t want to venture into other neighborhoods and mingle with the locals. Plus no self respecting Asian place takes credit cards. Do white people love credit cards?
White people love taking ordinary things like Chinese food and making them so expensive that only other white people can afford them. It’s like having a private club with a high membership fee, except in the modern style the door is always standing open. Everyone can walk into the lobby and have a look around, but only the ones who can afford it will feel comfortable and stay. Your membership card is your wallet, and if the place gets boring you can just head to the next one.
***(except Indian, but most don’t know that India is part of Asia)
That’s the whitest thing I’ve read on this blog.
“Oh, you didn’t know India is an Asian country? Hmm, too bad.”
Agree with mg - there are Indian fusion restaurants in London as well.
That should be “palate,” not “palette.” A palette is the tray upon which an artist mixes paint. Look it up, plzkthx.
Several things about this post, well, about the picture, make me ultra-white:
1) I’ve been to the place that is in the picture.
2) I’ve eaten “share-plates” – white people love share-plates – at the frosted glass bar.
3) I can picture the exact stair that the picture was taken from.
4) I know that the guy in the picture is the owner – he’s quite friendly to white people.
5) My new office is two floors up in the same building.
I will now have to have a unique experience by going there again soon.
God this describes P.F. Chang’s to a tee. Hilarious
[...] #45 Asian Fusion Food [...]
my god is asian fusion food delicious.
it tastes so good. in my mouth. all the time. when i eat it.
if they could just find a way to merge this concept with flavored condoms…that would be ULTRA A+ FUSION TASTIC
http://www.garbarrassing.com
no, we don’t serve Kung Pao…
I don’t think my parents would even know what that means, nor would the majority of White Americans.
To this day I poke holes in the plastic table cloths at sketchy Asian restaurants.
It’s not really asian fusion, is it? It’s more like mutated crappola without any discernable flavors. You must be REALLY, REALLY WHITE to even consider eating asian fusion.
A single tempura tiger prawn -
on a bed of mango/red cabbage kim-chee -
infused with the smoked anal polyps
of deep-sea bass fingerlings.
the first cold shower
even the monkey seems to want
a little coat of straw
(childs portion not available)
[...] X#45 Asian Fusion Food [...]
Hmmm….forget about Asian Fusion…
This blog causes me con-fusion.
(o:
[...] #45 Asian Fusion Food [...]
There is one in the East Village just like this with a perfect two-syllable non-Asian name: “Friend House”.
Based on certain discerning comments, and assuming that they’re written by white people, the next blog entry should be on “Grammatical and Spelling Errors”.
Anyhooooo, Spring Rolls fits this profile perfectly. The one in Toronto’s financial district is overflowing with white people in suits, believing that they are being culturally sensitive by eating there. I’d sure like to see them eating in the dark, dank, cockroach-infested, smokey Chinese restaurant in Chinatown because that’s where the flavour’s at!
Well, you can find really good Asian Fusion food and some that are just pretenders. It depends on the execution and what it’s advertised as and what you’re seeking.
You’ll pretty much only find Fusion cuisine in cities that already has a pretty good base of Asian restaurants and sophisticated palates, such as NYC, LA, SF, Toronto, Vancouver, and Honolulu. In fact, I think the best of this genre is found in Hawaii where folks like Roy Yamaguchi and Alan Wong really do their job and the environment TRULY is a fusion of Asian and Western cultures.
Yes, it’s NOT authentic, and isn’t designed to be, but an experiment with foods and ingridients. I’d lay off of the cultural implications, as believe it or not, there are fusion places that are doing quite well in a city where you can get the real deal (Hong Kong).
I’ll admit that these places aren’t for my very traditional Chinese mother-in-law - PF Chang’s is not for her.
I’d just like to point out that I have noticed every one of your spelling mistakes and grammatical errors and I probably know more about eastern european history and pop culture than you.
[...] prepared dishes are, well, classic. It’s cool to say that you’re all about the newest Asian fusion, but, ultimately, it makes you look like a dated [...]
As a Chinese American born in Hong Kong, yes, it is frustrating to see mainstream America continually take bits and pieces from other cultures (like yoga, Chinese food, etc.), sensationalize it, gloss it up, and sell it back for triple the price. As an example, there’s a chain of restaurants here in the San Francisco Bay Area called Zhao Noodle Bar where you can get “jook” (rice porridge or congee) and various soups with noodles and dumplings. For one, you can get these exact same dishes in Chinatown for a third of the price. In fact, what you get in Chinatown will probably taste better because it’s the real thing and not an American interpretation of it. Also, people in this country LOVE hearing words like “Bar, Bistro, Lounge, etc.” in the names of restaurants. Somehow it makes it trendy and fashionable. There is no such thing as a noodle “bar” in Chinatown or anywhere in southeast Asia. And with regards to my other example, yoga, I wonder if people in India find it necessary to spend $$$ on yoga pants and other clothing, fancy yoga mats, matching water bottles and towels, to participate in this ancient art?
The fact that whites are able to do this so successfully is pretty much reason they’re still running the world. Once the gazillion or so Chinese figure it out, they’ll take over.
[...] 45 Asian Fusion Food - Fusion restaurants offer a mix of all Asian foods (except Indian, but most don’t know that India is part of Asia) in an atmosphere that resembles a cocktail lounge in the West Village as opposed to Hong Kong. Basically you can eat exotic, in comfortable surroundings. Many are not shy to admit that the food is subpar and overpriced, but they still line up for hours to get in because they love the decor and the mix drinks. [...]
the Middle East and Russia are also part of Asia,
bombay chopsticks Mississauga Ontario!!!! It rocks
I get it. Satiate/asiate.
You must live in Toronto…