#46 The Sunday New York Times
January 31, 2008 by clander
Mornings are exceptionally important to white people, as witnessed by their love of breakfast places. However, some white people never go out for breakfast on a Sunday Morning. The reason? The Sunday edition of the New York Times.
A perfect white sunday generally works like this. Wake up at around 8:45, if the paper is delivered, then one walks to the front door, retrieves the paper and begins a pot of coffee. If the paper is not delivered, a white person will go out and usually buy the supplies needed for breakfast - bagels, orange juice, lox, cream cheese, or waffle mix. Some white people even pick up freshly brewed coffee with the paper!
Once coffee, food, and the newspaper have been procured, white people put on extra mellow music (Jazz, Classical, or for the cooler ones in the bunch, ambient trip hop or something along those lines). They then procede to read each section of the paper, stopping periodically to tell their partner about the interesting news they have just seen. “Looks like another civil war might break out in Africa,” “did you see that the Met is doing Tristan and Isolde?”
White couples usually fight over who gets to read the Sunday Magazine first. How do we know this? They will tell us repeatedly about how they always fight over the Sunday magazine.
The secret you may not know, is that deep down, all white people are desperately trying to make their life seem like an ad for a Sub Zero refrigerator, or an article in Gourmet/Bon Appetit magazine. To achieve either of these goals will set white people at ease.
But note well, that the sports section will always remain perfectly creased and unread, unless they have a teenage son. So on Monday morning, if you need to impress your coworkers, choose to talk about something you read in the Book Review section, the magazine, or Sunday Style.
All white people are expected to do this. You are given an exemption during your early college years, but by age 22 it is pretty much law.
Photo by Katherine Mackenzie
In my experience, I notice the whites also like to bring the Sunday NYT to parks around New York and act like they’re reading it. They’re not. They’re using it to show off. This is further evidenced by the enormous backlog of unread Sunday papers (and NYT Magazines) under coffee tables of whites across the city.
I pooped my pants
I started the reading the NYTimes everyday (especially the Magazine, and Book Review) when I graduated from my college and realised I didn’t know ANYTHING. Holy Crap! So NYT, The New Yorker, Harper’s, The Atlantic, The New Republic, Weekly Standard, Z Magazine and Commentary became the order of the day until I could sufficiently FAKE IT.
…then I went to law school and became stupid again real quick. damn.
The Weakly Reader is just as good as the NYT, even better when you realize it’s written at a level most folks can better digest.
Unfortunately, around here, most of your pretentious white yuppies busy themselves with the Potomac Pravda (known colloquially as the Washington Post).
I AGREE! WHITE FOLKS ARE SO DETERMINED TO CONVINCE PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE READING THE NEW YORK TIMES THAT THEY’RE DOING THAT ALL THE WAY OVER HERE IN OXNARD, CALIFORNIA. WTF WEIRDOS… READ THE L.A. TIMES AT LEAST. STOP BEING SO PRETENTIOUS!
[...] from Stuff White People Like [...]
[...] as we’re wont to do. I was reading her some news from the New York Times (which white people like), and came across this shocking, shocking article. It covers the outrageous discrepancies in voting [...]
I think you’re talking more about class than race. This blog is garbage.
I absolutely agree with you. I can’t believe people are falling over themselves over this. It’s almost reverse racism-smugly implying that “we” have all these nice things, like Apple computers and organic food and leisure time because we’re white people and you’re not.
Question:
what the hell is ‘reverse racism’?
Fact:
racism is racism.
the blog is stereotyping white people. in fact this whole site is and could be considered “racist” for saying that ALL WHITE PEOPLE : have apple computers, read the NY times, eat CREAM CHEESE AND LOX BAGELS EVERY SUNDAY MORNING (hmm…whats another food stereotype..maybe…watermelon and fried chicken?)
this site is a joke man. relax.
“the blog is stereotyping white people…”
This blog is stereotyping *liberals*. But if it was called “Stuff Liberals Like”, it would be just another snarky political blog. “Stuff White People Like” makes it a social blog instead, and is much more likely to generate traffic.
Shifting gears: another future post for SWPL: “Correcting Others’ Grammar”. (Example: in the above post, “procede” should be spelled PROCEED. See what I did there?)
You guys are so right. Which reminds me of another thing white people like - starring at something completely obvious and then stating it like they are the first to notice. They also like being condescending. Nothing is better than setting up a strawman argument and knocking the hell out of it. Oh, and white people also like being sensitive. I believe your race sensitivity has been dealt with elsewhere in this blog. Way to stay true to form.
I love the irony implicit in your comment. I assume it’s intentional.
Yeah, except everyone in the class tends to be white. While there simply have to be African-Americans and Latinos who exhibit these same traits, I can’t find them anywhere. Am I just not hanging out at enough Paneras?
Your garbage is my life. I’m white, and I love the Sunday New York Times. My favorite is the book review. Of course I work in a bookstore. This is a perfect job for a white person because I can remain poor while at the same time pretend that I’m more intelligent and worthy than my wealthy customers. And I can read the Sunday New York Times at work! I’m sure everything I just stated is mentioned elsewhere in this blog because, well, it pretty much knows what white people, like me, like.
Being a black guy in England i think its more about having SUNDAY TIMES which is a more center right paper ..its been around since 18th century and Upper and ruling class here love it.
Gotta say i have been guilty of that as well even though I am more of a Guardian (UK’s version of NYT)reader but of recently i have developed a bad relation with it.
The bottom line nothing beats Murdoch owned NEWS OF THE WORLD trash on Sundays
I’m a Black American from New York who just spent a year in Scotland. I must say the Guardian never did it for me. It felt more like the NewYork Newsday, too local. The Times of London, Financial Times (love that peachy colour!) and The Scotsman (actually the best of bunch) were what you would find me buried under as I scarfed down donuts from GREGGS at the Uni cafe.
[...] just citing entries on this uncannily accurate site. I’m looking forward to spending my Sunday morning checking out some more entries and sipping a latte. (Found via [...]
White woman here. I don’t read the NYT. I usually cruise the internet while drinking coffee on Sunday morning.
Me too, that is, if by when you say internet news, you mean internet porn.
I’m 1/2 white, and I find myself guilty of about 50% of these. I do yell at the screen during movies though.
Keepin’ it real
There is a 12 Step Program for this at
New York Times Anonymous: The 12 Steps
http://americandigest.org/mt-archives/5minute_arguments/new_york_times_1.php
I’m so white and cool that I read the Sunday NYT online on my Mac laptop as my husband does the same thing across the table from me on his laptop and we listen to cool music–soul, staxx records, or anything else we feel like…on vinyl.
Great blog, but painting classical music as “extra mellow” is a wicked error.
Yes, and the really cool thing to do is to listen to NPR at the same time…..
I think you dropped the ball on this one, because only totally insane white people are capable of reading every single page of the entire Sunday Times (even leaving out the sports section).
Even “The New Yorker”, a magazine beloved of white people everywhere, has to put a cartoon on every other page to get white people to read the whole thing.
I dig guys. So I laugh extra loud at your blog which is almost exclusively about white Heterosexual behavior. Occasionally your broad brush touches me. My dream partner would spend low-key Sunday mornings lounging around with me reading the paper.
Damn. I can’t escape the gravitational pull of whiteness.
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
KKK
This whole website would be considered racist if it was called “what black people like”, I am getting sick and tired of the double standard. Also, if it was about what black people like the NAACP, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, etal would be investigating along with the ACLU and filing a lawsuit. I am a white person (”typical white person” according to Obama’s recent comments in his televised speech, and I don’t like half the things listed in this so called survey.
Oh Jake, the hyper-consumerism and need for coolness cross lines of sexuality…
One wonders how reading the sunday paper is going to play out in the future as circulation goes down, new media goes up, and the pressure to not waste paper increases among the yuppies about which you write…
I am not sure reading online editions and Rod Dreher’s blog (”the Crunchy Con(man)”
on your Mac is going to cut it…
This will be interesting to watch!
I think rather than “white people,” you might just be referring to yuppies, or at least you’re definitely not alluding to most of the white people that oh, prefer NASCAR and CMT to NPR and lattes.
that’s kinda true. but not nearly as funny.
I was with you for a while there, but living in the South I can tell you, you’re writing a blog about intellectualism, not race.
We got lotsa white people. NASCAR is the order of the day, along with talking about Jesus and hatin’ on whatever’s not normal (gays, yes, but also canvas grocery bags). I think I know maybe 3 people here who have ever even heard of blogs. One of them is black.
I didnt even bother to read the body of this. headline’s enuf here boy.
I am f****ing baffled why this could happen?
What’s the big production?
read an effing newspaper already. who f*****ing cares?
I’m white and I hate the New York Times. I’m cool. Our fashion tastes align.
I think you forgot NPR in one room and trip hop in the other. You guys are genius, do the people above not get the irony in all these articles? Geez
they must not be white, cause # 50 clearly dictates that if you are white you must like irony. if you do not like irony, you are not white. please, would everyone comment back at this and say, “i am white and i dont like irony so HAH! your wrong!” That would make me feel so bad about my statements and then I would have to retract them.
formotion - I love this blog so much that I use it to determine how cool or lame I am. I get the irony and love it because I’m white.
I like this blog, and I agree with the comment about intellectuals and yuppies. Most of the ethnic people I know with money act this way.
This is being replaced by reading the newspaper on your Macbook.
actually this is one of my favorite things to do too, but I can’t afford a Macbook and I think the New York Times is full of shit.
hah. That stack of NYT under the coffee table isn’t unread, it was read and neatly refolded.
I can finish a sunday times in 2 hours. Which is just about the same time that I’m done with my leisurely breakfast.
bitches.
[...] that describe me pretty well: Apple Products, Kitchen Gadgets, Apologies. And the one about the Sunday New York Times is a dead ringer for my family, except for the part about listening to music while reading [...]
Wait a second, if they don’t read the sports section, how do they keep up with the Cubs?
I don’t where you got your bad info.
White people always start with the “Sunday Styles” section.
It is an intellectual “warm up” - a bit fluffy and lightweight - before the heavy intellectual lifting of the rest of the paper.
Hate to break the illusion… but the whole white population is not entirely filthy rich and does not soley live in the UK or Manhattan (gasp!)… if that were true, then yes, this blog might be right on the money.
thanks, we were unclear on that. now we get it and will stop posting. you really saved us here.
I guess you are going to have work some kind of schtick in about how white people have a crappy sense of humor.
Excellent, excellent work. You’ll probably think this is a lame comparison, but it reminds me of “The Preppy Handbook” from back in the day.
But funnier.
Damn dude…like, 96% of your posts are stuff thisblackgirllikes (andherwhiteboyfrienddoesn’t).
Keep it coming….
I am black and I love the Sunday New York Times so what does that make me?This a funny site. But alot of truth on here
This might be more about class than race but class and race are tied to each other - so it is more about a white ideology. It is annoying that people keep calling this racist.
minus two points for not mentioning the sunday times crossword
[...] #46 The Sunday New York Times « Stuff White People Like A link from Natalie, a fellow Sunday NY Times lover. (tags: nytimes) February 25th 2008 Posted to Links [...]
Once again, brains = sissy white stuff
Does this make George W. Bush our SECOND non-white president?!
Allan (#1)
In the white world reading is not an act of showing off. White folk CAN read.
Wow. I can’t believe people posting here with attitude.
Lighten up, honkies. (honkie, here, just for clarification.)
Some people here are saying “It’s not just a white thing, it’s a class thing” but I’ve never even seen an upper class african american, cuban, or even your Italian guy for that matter read the times. lol.
You don’t see them because you are not around them like that you believe only what you see on the news. So that was a stupid comment you made or could I say ignorance!
Exactly what I was going to say t-dot, the Sunday Crossword is the most important part of the newspaper. I’m currently well through a book of 500 NY Times Sunday Crosswords.
You know what else is really white? Using words like “procured.”
You’ve changed man.
If one were to look at the true facts, I bet it’s only 5% or less OF ALL White people that read the Sunday NYT.
As a percentage of Jews, it’s probably 20% since they self-segregate in cities (NYC, Miami, LA, Chicago) where the NYT markets it.
Ha ha ha, T-dot- You and I are the only ones (aren’t we special) who thought about that damned, damned crossword.
I’m pretty smart but I can never finish it. Damn.
I don’t care what color you are, that puzzle is fiendish.
Oops, Cancersticks, forgot to include you in the Crossword thread. I admire your tenacity. If I owned a book of 500 NYT crosswords for let’s say a year, I’d probably have finished two or three clues on the first one.
Hilarious. For white people, sunday morning is a time to rest and recoup from their tumultuous week of 8 hour days sitting behind a desk.
Stuff15Anonymouslikes… sex with another man!!
arent I funny?
arent I clever?
dont you dare call me a homophobe!
Cancersticks, T-Dot, and Kat. Very right. And if you can complete the Sunday NY Times crossword you get bragging rights. But this should be said subtly to co-workers over morning coffee, as in: “What did you do this weekend?” “…then on Sunday we sat around having brunch, drinking coffee, and I finished the Times crossword.” This of course never works for any other day of the week (especially Monday’s) or any other U.S. paper.
This is great, but you missed one of the most essential parts: deriding the local newspaper. Unless you happen to live in New York, it is very important for white people to show off the fact that they are more cultured than the people around them. They do this by reading high brow publications, mostly from New York, such as the New York Times and the New Yorker magazine.
When asked why they don’t read the local paper instead, white people will talk about how frustrated they get with the low quality of local reporting and the inaneness of local happenings compared to the more important world events covered in the Times.
I totally don’t read newspapers. I am a white failure *cry*
Don’t lament. I only get the paper so all my neighbors will think I’m smart. Once inside, I toss it away and go back to listening to classic rock (How can you not want to hear “More than a Feeling” six times an hour?). Of course, with most of the homes on my block in foreclosure, the paper is no longer having its intended effect.
[...] in between French and English sentences as they bustle about the kitchen while they read the New York Times and listen to [...]
I live at the pinnacle of whiteness where my family thinks that the NYT is too poorly written, and, in fact, no newspaper is good enough for us. We’re real, New England whites who have been in the US since the 17th century. I do like sports, though, and you can’t blame white people for not reading the sports section of the NYT because, unlike the rest of the paper in my opinion, it actually is legitimately crappy. The NYT knows that not many of its readers like sports and I think they consciously short that part of the paper. The Boston Globe on the other hand…
#51 Mike B: “my family thinks that the NYT is too poorly written and, in fact, no newspaper is good enough for us.”
I love that! It just made me realize that the funniest stuff on the blog entries and comments here is about snobbery and oneupmanship. If this site wasn’t called thingswhitepeoplelike more people would have as much fun reading it as I do.
Ah, see, what you missed was the alternate to NPR: the Sunday morning politics TV shows running in the background. This, of course, must include the ocassional break from reading to yell at the TV and is for those of us not white enough to eschew television altogether.
And you’re all right, it is about class, but thingsuppermiddleclassurbaniteswithivyleagueeducationslike.com is even more unweildy than the current address, don’t you think?
I call bullshit. Lox + bagels = Jewish. That’