#55 Apologies
February 5, 2008 by clander
White people know that their ancestors did some messed up things. As a result, it has become hard wired for them to apologize for almost anything.
In fact, white people are so used to apologizing that they start all sentences that might cause disagreement with “I’m sorry.” For example “I’m sorry, but Garden State was a better film than Hard Eight.”
In other cases, white people will apologize without being asked.
“Excuse me Dylan, you dropped a piece of paper in front of my desk.”
“Oh, sorry about that!”
It’s just that easy! Just point it out and they’ll apologize.
Sometimes if you are out late at night and a white person irritates someone at a night club or a bar, the first thing they will do is apologize in rapid fire mode in hopes it will stop them from getting their ass kicked. This technique has a surprisingly high success rate, as the aggressor immediately knows that fighting this person will be very easy, with little satisfaction.
I’m sorry, but this blog is a hilarious, keep it up!
I pooped my pants
Sorry about that.
I love this site, and its articles.
Everyone has a purpose,
Chinese for their cheap labor,
Indians for their food,
Europeans for their Engineering,
Africans for their athletics and
The funniest race of them all, the “White People” put on earth to entertain the other races.
and rule them.
Eh- no.
“Everyone has a purpose…”
…Italians for their big garlic noses, as pointed out by Barack Obama’s former pastor Reverend Wright. Here’s a long letter from the Order Sons of Italy asking for an apology.
Start of Demand for Apology:
“We write on behalf of the 103 year old Order Sons of Italy in America (OSIA) and our 550,000 family members throughout the nation, and our anti-defamation arm, the Commission for Social Justice (CSJ), to strongly and unequivocally reject and condemn recently reported remarks made by the Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr. According to MSNBC and other published and internet sources, Rev. Wright in 2007 stated: “[Jesus'] enemies had their opinion about Him . . . . The Italians for the most part looked down their garlic noses at the Galileans.” He then called Jesus’ crucifixion “a public lynching Italian style” executed in “Apartheid Rome”.
OSIA and the CSJ have sterling records of championing social justice and fair treatment for all people regardless of race, ethnicity, nationality or religion, and of combating, wherever and whenever necessary discrimination, defamation and stereotyping. We have worked closely, collaboratively and effectively for such causes with numerous and various social , religious and cultural groups throughout our long history. The civically responsible, philanthropic and patriotic works of the Sons of Italy have been publicly attested to by every US president since Woodrow Wilson.
Indeed, it is this unchallenged record of advocacy of social justice for all people that has delayed our response to Rev. Wright’s unfortunate remarks, as we seek to lend reason and clarity to a deeply troubling historical reality. Rev. Wright’s remarks cannot merely be attributed to “anger”, but must be viewed against the backdrop of many years of what historian Richard Gambino called a “monstrous tradition in America” and an “injustice which remains hidden” directed at Italians.
While America of the late 19th century witnessed widespread racist, ethnic and anti-Catholic hatred, few immigrant groups suffered more than Italians: in 1891, in New Orleans, ten Italian prisoners found not guilty by a jury were executed by a mob in the largest lynching in American history. That same year, several Italians were lynched in West Virginia. In March 1894, several hundred Italians were driven out of Altoona, Pennsylvania, by an armed mob. In 1895, six Italian labor organizers were lynched in Colorado, six more in Hahnville, Louisiana, as were five Italian shopkeepers four years later in Tallulah, La. Fatal mob attacks against Italians were recorded in 1901, in Mississippi, 1906 in West Virginia, and 1910 in Tampa, Fl. In addition to the highly prejudicial and legally tainted Sacco and Vanzetti case of the 1920s, historian John Higham wrote that “No pogrom has ever stained American soil, nor did any single anti-Jewish incident in the 1920’s match the violence of the [vigilante mob-led] anti-Italian riot ” in West Frankfort, Illinois.
Words are important and have meaning, clear and subliminal. Shock jock Don Imus, whose very staple and basis for earning many millions of dollars, is the use of provocative, abrasive, demeaning and edge language, was fired and universally excoriated for the use of three extremely offensive and inappropriate words. A skilled communicator, Rev. Wright’s deliberate choice of words having explicitly 20th century meaning (”lynching Italian style”, “Apartheid”, even “Italians”; there were Romans at the time, Italy didn’t exist) to describe first century AD events speak to an intention far beyond the expression of mere “anger”, or the citing of putative historical truths. We decry those intentions and sentiments as, we are confident, do all decent and fair-minded individuals. Rev. Wright, while perhaps retired, nevertheless owes all Italian Americans a sincere apology. We live in a profoundly complex, multifaceted, diverse society, which defies simplistic questions, answers and reasons. We must transcend personal injustices and seek a deeper understanding and appreciation that each of us, separately and as a group, often are and feel offended. No one has a monopoly on being discriminated against, defamed or stereotyped.
OSIA’s and the CSJ’s purpose here is not political. We desire no involvement in the current presidential campaign, nor do we wish to become embroiled in a political maelstrom. Still, one of the three candidates will, in all probability, become the next leader of the free world and the next president, thus representing all of the US’s 300 million-plus citizens, 26 million of whom are of Italian heritage. We believe that Senators Clinton, McCain and Obama must unequivocally condemn the words and sentiments voiced by Rev. Wright, and clearly disavow his actions.”
Philip R. Piccigallo, Ph.D
National Executive Director
Order Sons of Italy in America
The Supreme Council
Order Sons of Italy in America
The Commission for Social Justice Board of Directors
Wow. This obviously means that we need apologies all around. Way to go living up to the white stereotype, dudes!
Wops are are so sensitive. They should shield themselves from the hatred using their large garlic noses.
Errr….was that from the Mafia?
Aren’t Europeans…white people? Yea…yea, they are. So I guess we entertain the other races with our engineering. Strange.
So freakin sorry but it’s totally true, oh us white peeps.
tah-tah,
Shapes of Sweetness.com
totally true! In fact it’s so true, I’m never going to apologize to anyone again in my life!
I agree–hilarious! I’m sorry, that wasn’t very original.
I’m sorry, but you are so wrong about us!!!
You obviously don’t know many Scotch-Irish. “Born Fighting” anyone?
If anything, the Scots-Irish will LOOK for a fight. Examples: McCain, Russell Crowe.
Maybe upper-class WASPS apologize, and live to say they’re sorry, but Scots-Irish or Italians don’t. “You lookin at me? You lookin at me?” Like Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver, many figure the real problem is not enough fighting, and don’t feel guilty about anything at all.
You wanna fight?!
[...] My favorite so far is #55. [...]
Sorry Jim but many whites don’t consider Italians as “white”.
(I can’t believe i started out by saying “sorry” lol.
unfortunately, they don’t fit into any other racial labels that white people have come up with (e.g. african-american, caucasian, native american….), so they are “technically” white. i didn’t apologize because i’m only half white. haha
And I can’t believe you still use ‘lol’ on the Internet.
Jim, who thinks the real problem is not enough fighting? that’s ridiculous
White people also constantly “bless you” when somebody sneezes. Hey, thanks, fellow white person, for saving me from evil spirits. They almost entered my soul when I sneezed just then! Don’t be offended when I ignore you after your blessing. You’re a dumbass.
Sorry, I overflowed the toilet again.
Not only do white people apologize a lot, they even invented the board game “Sorry!”
If there is one thing that white people like better than apologies, it’s “thank yous”. If you want to blow a white person’s mind, next time one of them holds open a door for you don’t say “thank you”. The said white person will be more upset than when OJ was acquitted, give you a dirty look, and yell out “you’re welcome”!
And for the rest of the day they will tell everyone how people in the city are so rude.
I’ve had that happen! I don’t get mad when people don’t say thank-you, but this one time when I didn’t and wasn’t even thinking about it…this guy gets almost psycho. Casual impoliteness makes white people psycho! I think they also get mad when they ask “how are you?” and you reply “fine” or “alright”, but you don’t ask how they are. They really want you to ask them.
I don’t think white people say thank-you often… they are entitled to have people hold doors for them!
And the sorries are completely meaningless…
“And the sorries are completely meaningless…”
I’ve always had a distrust of white people and this is one of the reasons. Some are too diplomatic. So much so that you know the words are closely chosen and disingenuous. I know they’re trying to be kind and inoffensive but it comes across as fake.
I’m sorry, but I respectfully disagree with the author. Please don’t become upset with me.
I’m sure he’ll apologize for posting a blog posting that you disagree with. It’s the white thing to do, y’know?
This entire blog is hilarious and its comedic purpose is evident, but I must say that is OH SO TRUE. As an AA woman in TN, full of our “Southern Hospitality”, I have always been encountered with a SORRY from white people even when the mishap had nothing to do with them. I’ve just accepted it for what it is. Besides, I’m sorry, thank you, and excuse me should be phrases that we ALL use in our daily encounters regardless of fault.
Oh come on, you don’t really believe we actually *are* sorry when we say it! We don’t even believe other White people when they say it. I mean, if you’re sorry about everything, you’re not really sorry about anything, right?
I mean, I never really care if someone brushes past me in the grocery store, why do we apologize for stupid shit like that? at least those people seem like they mean it, as opposed to other more important apologies you know people don’t mean. Ach, itz all so complex. Pass the free-range deli meat.
ROFL @ Muke…..so tru tru! Casual impoliteness does make white people psycho! hahahaha
I see white people get offended when they dine in Chinese restaurants. Being an azn who grew up in Australia myself, I do find Chinese restaurants waiters can be rude but it’s just a cultural thing - but white people really take it to heart.
Such a funny trivial observation! haha
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
No, i’d say you’re more of a dip$%#@!
The 6′4′, 240 lb. Slavic white guys who lay bricks and pour foundations all day will generally punch a hole through the head of some bigmouth fatass wannabe minority who doesn’t get his “respect”. Who are these white people? Middle class suburbanites who haven’t the faintest clue about reality?
Are you a slavic white guy? If so, what are you doing with a computer???
so funny
I’m white and I never apologize for anything. Let’s fuck.
Not online you don’t. In real life you’d turn into a shoe shine expert if you step on my toe.
LMAO
so wait, we’re (whitey) apologizing because of all the ruthless shit our ancestors did, but we’re also apologizing to get out of fighting?
whites don’t rule the world because they’re pussies…
Rule the world…no. Pussies…most are. From the CEO down to the guy in the mail room.
black people ( especially huge female black people) love to say um hum when you say excuse me. Makes me want to say get out the way fat ass instead of excuse me. But I don’t cause I’m white.
I’m glad someone else has noticed this too. I find a nicely placed elbowworks nicely in this situation, but you had better have your gettaway route planned!
[...] amazing authenticity. (Other entries that describe me pretty well: Apple Products, Kitchen Gadgets, Apologies. And the one about the Sunday New York Times is a dead ringer for my family, except for the part [...]
hmmm if you think all white people say sorry all the time you should try talking to british pikies. or a man from glasgow.
i’m gunna start a blog ‘black kids today dont know what real racism is’
sorry
not .
oh oh or ‘ why can’t african americans make decent music anymore’ - i mean its just as shit as indie.
a bit off subject but to answer your question…we don’t have to. white america eats up our “superman that hoe” and other similar tracks. so now young talentless high school kids are able to run the industry.
also…show some respect. without us you wouldn’t have rock (which i love) or jazz.
Whilst I love this site, and its articles #55 I cannot agree with.
I can never get apologies from my white friends!
Instead I get respnses like: ‘We tease you cos we love you.’ os ’she’s got upset again’. Never the word Sorry.
those are the white people i like…
‘We tease you cos we love you”
Very white thing to say. Its not cause they like you, either. They just find you a push over and they are taking their inferiority out on you
[...] It’s just that easy! Just point it out and they’ll apologize.” - #55 Apologies [...]
This becomes doubly true when the white person has worked retail, or customer service.
White people love white rappers. Aesop Rock, Atmosphere, El-P and Cage just to name a few.
This explains why I never hear an apology from people cutting me off, when I would apologize for displaying the same accidental behavior. I am going to try shouting, “Get out of my way, you inconsiderate piece of crap.”
do white people like walking fast?? or do black people just walk very slow??
hahaha
yeah. u got me.
i do that all the time. not as much in social sittiations but definetly at work
[...] #55 Apologies [...]
The #1 thing that white people love, I’m surprised it’s not on here yet, is farting. You put two or more white guys together and within 5 minutes you are guaranteed a farting contest. One guy will fart and the others will laugh like they just heard the funniest joke of all time.
What do white women think of all the farting you ask? Well white women grow up around their fathers and brothers farting and laughing about it all the time and are shocked to meet someone who doesn’t fart out loud or doesn’t find farting funny. Every white woman at one point in her life has said “oh my husband farts all the time and blames it on the dog”.
Hey - thanks for buying one of my photos for this highly amusing blogpost.
go to canada and even the nonwhite people will apologize to you usually before they even say hello
So we can summarize by saying “white people have respect for their fellow human beings…. Black people do not.”
oh I guess that would be stereotyping and bigotry.
hahaha!! when did you learn the respect for fellow human beings? after slavery…maybe after the civil rights movement…after the rodney king beating perhaps.
most white people are scared of black people. it’s been proven…see the link below.
http://www.diversityinc.com/public/3370.cfm
This is the funniest thing.The bad thing is, it’s true!
You could have waited until Sorry Day, when the Aussies apologized to their native types, to post this…
You’re confusing white people with canadians.
i’m loving your blog, and i have been a fan of your photographs for quite some time. anyway, i loved this one, i remember reading a part in one of bill brysons books about the exactly same thing. like if you go to a toll in your car and when you give the person money (if you dont have an auto card) we say “thank you”. thank you for what? taking my money?
keep up the blog, i find it funny and i’m asshamed to say that i fit into some of these steryotypes. jeeze white people are so predictable.
lol @ all the angry white people with no sense of humor commenting.
How does the expression go - oh yeah, “It’s better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.”
White people would rather have your money than your respect. Reparations are expensive, apologies are free.
Pride is the sad loser’s substitute for self confidence.
I’m sorry, but this also applies to Japanese people, even more so. I learned that when I taught english in Japan.
I overheard this old white lady complaining about SARS and how she wised the japanese (cuz japn.ppl=chinese ppl) would “just stay over there”. When I looked at her she DID apologize quickly. Said she meant she wished the GERMS would stay over there and how she loved Japanese people, especially Mrs. Chen (maybe you know her). I think she was afraid I was going to jump her. She must’ve been a valued customer of Neiman-Marcus in beverly hills, because one of the staff approached and asked if there was a problem. Sigh.
I’m sure the Native Americans had the same thoughts (about staying “over there” that is.)