#63 Expensive Sandwiches
February 11, 2008 by clander
Having already covered breakfast and dinner options, the question remains: what do white people like to do for lunch? The answer: expensive sandwiches.
In most cities, if you need to find a cache of white people get yourself to a sandwich shop. Generally these places aren’t open for dinner, have a panini press and are famous for their bread. There are always vegan options and the selection of meats and cheese are strongly European.
The waiters and waitresses in these places are highly coveted by the white population. They are not quite as cool as bartenders, not quite as snobby as coffee shop workers, but still artsy, young, and more than likely to be a musician/artist/writer (since they only have to work from 11-3).
If you are in the position where you need to take a white person to lunch for business or pleasure, saying “I know a great sandwich shop,” will always bring out a smile. The white person will then tell you about the great sandwich shop in the town where they went to college and how they had a crush on a waiter, or that there was some special sandwich that they always ordered. This will put the person in a good mood.
It’s important to note that this type of restaurant is best for business or friendship situations as it is very neutral and does not carry connotations like Sushi or Breakfast.
These sandwiches generally start at $8.99. Remember that whenever a white person says they wants to go to a sandwich shop you are looking at at least a $15 outlay after tip and drink, $20 if the place has a good selection of microbrews.
Also note: white people will wait up to 40 minutes for a good sandwich.
How can you leave off Zipcar?
I pooped my pants
I am not white and I just love the heck out of sandwiches and the expensive ones often have the flavor in the meat and other things rather than slabs of mayo and cheese that really dont taste like anything.
That looks pretty good right there.
Oops — that was meant as a general comment, not a comment to #63 in particular (which was brilliant).
I just overheard two co-workers discussing their favourite sandwiches from a downtown deli, and then read this.. how fabulous!
I’ve been known to wait in excess of 40 minutes for a good sandwich. So glad I found this site.
As you probably know, white people love that false sense of community that comes from commenting on complete strangers blogs. Thanks for giving me yet another opportunity to feel I belong to something. Seeing as how everyone these days just hates us white people.
I LOVE expensive sandwiches!
(Especially mozzarella, tomato, and basil pesto on kalamata olive bread)
and procuitto.
Yeah, I’m guilty of this one too…
I always get the rosemary foccacio, avocado spread, sauteed mushrooms, grilled chicken breast, warmed, and a Perrier (from the plastic bottles).
How can you fit all that in your mouth when you probably also have some other dude’s crank stuffed in there as well? Just how big is your mouth??
[...] like expensive sandwiches, Japan, corny Hip-Hop, living by the water, and [...]
In NYC, most of the sandwich shops are worked by people of color, unless they are real Italian delis. Artists and musicians want to get paid too much.
But Eric, don’t go there with Zipcar! I’m from the Boogie, where there are only two cars. Every person of color me and my man (he’s white Australian) talk to, especially sisters w/kids LOVE the zipcar idea, so we’re gonna go to the next zip meeting and suggest they expand them to the Bronx; there’s plenty in Harlem, with a lot of use by brothers and sisters. As Zipcar is a responsible co., we’re hoping they do the right thing and expand.
Mmmm…I could so go for a chicken pomodor panini right now with bacon & sundried tomatoes…and basil!
A variation on this would be Chipotle, which has surpassed Cosi as the place to stand in line.
haha you said tip, all the wait staff know you darkies don’t tip worth a sh*t
that was hilarious fuuudge. wow! joking that minorities are poor! you are brilliant!!! you should start your own blog. play indie music and munch on organic tofu panini sticks while you type about how affluent you are.
Read again, he never said anything about being poor, he said… African Americans don’t tip!!! and anyone who’s ever waited on them, or delivered to them, knows this to be a fact.
Not true! African Am’s do tip. (I’m one, and I TIP ALL THE TIME!!!) ……we just don’t like to…..
Um, I work in a sandwich shop and black folks, in fact, are not known for being inordinately generous tippers. Teenagers are also not known for their tipping prowess. And old folks are apparently required by law to order coffee. And white ladies in their thirties and forties will eat the hell out of some salads(low-cal dressing on the side).
If the generalization is true, is it still offensive and somehow still wrong-headed ?
Actually I do tip. As a matter of fact, based on the idea that black people do not tip, I usually oversompensate by tipping too much. Perhaps I shouldn’t tip at all if it is the common belief that all black people do not tip. I’d still be a darkie regardless. Right now I’m just a darkie that tips.
Oversompensate.
My white ass just imagines this is some sort of uncle tom type thing that is frowned on deep in black culture, but is occasionally used to ingratiate oneself with whitey.
As a former food service employee, and “darkie” I always gladly tip. It’s my “honky” boyfriend that is the cheapskate.
I used to be a waitress/bartender in places that only white people frequent and many of them don’t tip well. I found this unacceptable because I see that rock on your finger and that big expensive car you drove in…as a black person, i don’t hate on cheap black people because i KNOW what it’s like to want something to eat, and have to share just to cover the bill, let alone give somebody a tip…lol
I’m black, I always tip, but I do know lots of black people who could stand to be more generous with their tips; the problem isn’t that we never give good tips, it’s that people are always expecting us to not leave a tip, so we often get sucky service. Hello!
I admit it, I love Panera Bread.. Good post. You got me pegged on this one
I love Ziggy’s comment, and the fact that I, too, belong. “sniff”
My favourite sandwich place is So.Cial, at Le Magasin in Gastown. Hey, it already it sounds pretty white! Your meat is sliced in the deli while you wait, the only bread choice is focaccia, and you get a bag of sea-salted kettle chips with your order. Cheese choices are havarti or provolone. A whole 9″ diameter sandwich is just $10, and you don’t (usually) have to wait 40 minutes. If you have to wait, at least you can enjoy the faux cedar trunk stuck in the unfinished plank floor. The servers look all spiffy in their white chef’s uniforms. They’re young and predominantly white and probably actors or culinary school students. Not much for a white person not to like!
I also like Subway, because, well, fresh *is* the taste.
nezua: so its ok to make fun of whites but not everyone else.
I’m Black and he is spot on, in general we do not tip. I have gotten in arguments about if before, and it has nothing to do with poverty.
Btw, this site has me LMAO!
The Grove House Special - YUMMY!
Squaw Bread (lightly toasted)
Vegan Cream Cheese (so much better than Veganaise)
Plochman’s Spicy Brown Mustard (the only ‘ethnic’ part of the sandwhich)
Fresh, Organic grown Sprouts (grown in a little kitchen farm belonging to the Grove House)
Thinly Sliced Cucumber (also from the Kitchen farm)
Avocado (No white person’s sandwhich is complete without avocado)
and last, but not least
Grilled tofu with a tangy homemade, organic vegan barbeque sauce (but just a little kick, white people can’t have their bbq sauce too spicy)
Served with a vegan Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookie and a cup of fresh squeezed lemonade made with lemon from the grove next to the kitchen farm.
oh, lord, it only hurts because it’s true!
Love the blog.
Screw it!
If the sandwich is good, I will pay a good amount.
I like sandwiches the way my black brothers like fried chicken. If someone invented a fied chicken panini sandwich with sundired tomatoes there’d be peace on earth!
But it’s cool ‘coz I can say that ‘coz we we had a black housekeeper growin’ up.
Shout out to Loquitha! Wassup girl???
Natalie Merchant rocks!
Nice going, Nezua. Fuuudge didn’t say minorities are poor. Thanks for perpetuating stereotypes in your own backhanded way. Can’t we all just get along?
“haha you said tip, all the wait staff know you darkies don’t tip worth a sh*t”
Haha, this white person expects a black guy to just give him extra money for doing his job.
Are you an idiot?
[...] and, oh, how I chuckled, because it is so true, white people (such as my pasty-ass self) do like expensive sandwiches and knowing what’s best for poor people. Then I came across #54 and went a bit quiet. [...]
White people also love expensive cupcakes. The new trendy cupcake shops are crazy pricy.
Hey, my expensive sandwiches max out at 6.99 tyvm!
I’ve never grasped this, either. Pay good money for fucking deli meat on bread. You could actually buy all the ingredients and make a week’s worth of sandwiches for the prices of eating at one of those places. But that’s not trendy, is it?
My favorite sandwich costs only $6.50, but it’s French and involves caramelized onions and a roasted pepper mayonnaise. No wait, though, because they always have a basket of them ready when you walk in. I think I saw an Asian person there once.
This blog title is misleading: what you are in fact referring to and mocking is a certain subsection of white people in North America (mainly the US and to a lesser extent the non-Francophone parts of Canada), who are liberal/left-wing poseurs with above average incomes.
Most whites in the UK (where I am from) are nothing like that! Indeed, many whites from America itself are nothing like the whites you mock here. Moreover, whites from the non-anglophone world would hardly recognise any of the stereotypes you portray here. Talk about ethnocentric!
I suspect you are an Angry Asian Male (AAM) who has been brought up and educated among upper-middle class whites, subjected to their patronising behaviour and seen most of “your” fellow Asian women hook up with white men. This blog is your way of expressing your anger and getting some measure of revenge against the whites who have bothered you for so long. It’s funny and all, but please remember the target of your lampooning is a very narrow sub-section of the Caucasian race as a whole.
Oh, and Asians can be just as funny and weird too.
The same could be said for you. You are an Angry White Male who was raised in a prominently Asian community and are angry because all the Asian females you fell for never gave you a second glance.
This blog could be look at as a satire. Also, this blog is very true in the same sense as stereotypes or cliches; they are all based on some truth.
Obviously, some people think Asians are weird and funny as there are ‘Chingrish’ blogs directed to pointing out the errors on Asian products with English writing.
Hilarious!
Every white guy I know loves the movie Brave Heart.
LOL look at Joe getting all defensive about the specifics of racism. You can tell he’s offended because he starts antagonizing Asians.
Classic.
lo, its true, its sooooo true
White people like commenting on the things in this blog that they don’t like. EX: I can’t go to sandwich shops because I’ve been ruined by a specific one - it’s a deli in rural New York. The decor is concrete. You get a 12″ sub with about a pound of Boar’s Head meat and all kinds of other stuff for $5.
I can’t help but think that most of the white people commenting here don’t actually get that this humorous site is making fun of them. Hellloooooo he’s making fun of you. But you deserve it.
@unconventionalCaucasian:
Can’t (white) people enjoy sites that make fun of them? I say we can!
@White Girl:
I’m very white, and I don’t like Braveheart. (Too long.) But I loooove me some sandwiches!
I am not white, so this past week while I was eating a Subway sandwich ($5 for a foot-long!) my white co-worker confessed he had never been to a subway and didn’t know how it “worked”. He asked, “so they let you put anything you want on it but it’s still the same price?” It was a confusing time for him since he lived in SoHo and had never paid less than $8.99 for a sandwich and could count the ingredients with one hand b/c everything is extra. He’s certifiable.
Suck it, Subway!
Funny thing, Esquire just published an article on fancy sandwiches http://www.esquire.com/features/food-drink/sandwiches
My favorite sandwhich shop is a little out of the way banh mi shop in Chinatown (though it’s Vietnamese.) It’s very hard to find but you get a big slab of bbq pork and some kind of pate with carrots and daikon for only $2.50.
Otherwise, I just put my order for Chipotle in online. Then you don’t have to stand in line.
Oh yeah, I’m pretty white.
So white people who can afford not to don’t sent their kids to schools where they can get the shit kicked out of them or shot, and don’t live in neighborhoods with a crack dealer on every corner?
How’s that news?
Maybe the reason white people only like other culture’s foods is because that’s the only part of a lot of cultures that isn’t dependent on drugs, rape, and violence.
The best sandwiches on the planet.
http://www.lunch-box-deli.com
lol this is brilliant. I am an asian male with white (Aussie) friends and I could never figure out white people’s love for sandwiches?!? I still don’t get it - i kinda find sandwiches a lil’ boring. I like a good sandwich every now and then but i will never wait 40mins for one. I always found other lunch alternatives like pasta, noodles, kebabs, curry more appealing….
I had to endure years of sandwich-eating in highschool to avoid being labelled the “asian kid who brings a lunch box of rice!” lol
Although i have no qualms now infesting the work office of last night’s malaysian curry and rice….haha
Mea Culpa. I do this. Expensive sandwiches are like a Caligula food orgy. Well I suppose we must all have our vices. Have to exercise if you indulge in the sandwich habit.
Good quality food is up there in the reasons to stay alive category.
Well how about that. I’ve got a lunch date with an Asian friend on Wednesday, and I suggested Panera. Should I apologize and try something else? But the sandwiches are soooo goood there. Surely he just hasn’t paid enough for a sandwich before, he doesn’t realize how good it can feel.
this sounds like tartine bakery…
Joe: “I suspect you are an Angry Asian Male (AAM) who has been brought up and educated among upper-middle class whites, subjected to their patronising behaviour and seen most of “your” fellow Asian women hook up with white men. This blog is your way of expressing your anger and getting some measure of revenge against the whites who have bothered you for so long.”
And if I may continue in your vein of web-based psychobabble inflected with your own racist remarks against Asian-Americans, shall I diagnose you as a white guy who got rejected by an Asian woman–after of course, being rejected by “your” fellow white women (since, after all, we exotic ladies are the lesser white man’s compensation prize)–all of which has made you eager to jump at an chance to emasculate and demonize Asian-American men? Or perhaps, you bristle at these satirical entries–they perhaps make you confront white guilt, which as much as you’d like to quarantine it to Americans, you can’t really forget that whole thing called British colonialism, and lashing out a model minority makes you feel a bit better. After all, you don’t eat white people sandwiches, so you Asian people are just bitter. Can’t you just shut up and be happy with our science and engineering jobs?”
By the way, my favorite sandwich is the vegetarian at Bouchon, good at the Columbus Circle and Napa locations.
–Angry Asian Female (AAF)
AAF,
“…consolation prize”, I believe you mean.
–Joan Dice
I dislike or either am not ambivolent about everything listed.
could this mean…. HOLY SHIT IM BLACK I thought by now i would’ve noticed. Well since imblack instead of an expensive sandwich i want a watermelon and some KFC.
You got our number!
The $9.00 sandwich (no drink!) is the reason I am the one who gets the toasted bagel for lunch when dragged to Panera… I can’t justify standing in line for a sandwich that costs as much or more than a pork roast or 3 pound turkey breast (which I would cook in the crock pot) and would feed four.
I thought I was just cheap. But maybe, just maybe, I need to do some geneological work. It could turn out that there is more in my wood-pile than my neon-lilly-ass (don’t look directly at it, you will be blinded!) suggests…
That or the white ethnic stock from whence I hail - poor white French Canadians, Hungarians and Scots - are just REALLY to cheap/frugal to pay $9 for a sadwich… Even if it is on artisan bread with sun-dried tomato & pesto sauce.
I am getting hungry for a grilled cheese.
When I do get suckered into spending $9 on a sadnwich, no drink, I always leave angry that I am still hungry after I have eaten every bit of artisan crust and gourmet potato chip… hmmm…
Really, you have forced my hand and I have to print so I can give it to my co-workers next time they start lobbying for a “Panera Lunch”. I would rather spend $5.39 on a value meal at McDonalds and return to work less poor and full. (Even if that full feeling is rather more bloated and tired….) I would rather have $3 more in my wallet, and not be extra hungry again by 3.
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
I must say, if you are a homeowner and your kitchen is disabled, and you have good insurance that pays for your meals until your kitchen is repaired, that is an excellent time to sample $9 sandwiches. I have been eating them all over town, including at the upscale supermarkets, and they have been delicious. Sadly, my kitchen is nearly repaired, and I will once again be forced to eat microwaved organic casseroles (Amy’s). I’m pretty sure Amy is white.
Great blog. I do take my share of hits, but the great thing is that my friends and neighbors take so many more. I would never wait 40 minutes for an expensive sandwich, but it’s kind of a civic ritual here:
http://www.quinnevans.com/images/Zingerman.JPG
I have several bikes — but no expensive ones. Have run races, but am too lazy to train for a marathon. Have the old house in the funky city neighborhood — but am too much of a slacker to remodel (though we do have that cottage on the water). Love the outdoors, generally avoid suburbs, love cities — but avoid theater like the plague. Like Wrigley and the Cubs (but grew up there so am grandfathered). European travel? Belgian ales? Microbrews? Guilty, guilty, guilty. But organic is silly and Whole Foods prices are sillier (though they’re really not bad on..ahem…wine).
Will be checking back to see when my sailing habit comes in for abuse (I’m sure it can’t be long).
I hope somewhere on this site you mention the love white people have for Mexican food, starting with cheap margaritas.
As a person that works in a specialty deli during lunch hours, I can attest to the fact that white people do love expensive sandwiches.
ROTFLMAO - I admit it, I’m white and love expensive sandwiches. I don’t even know why. I think it’s the crunchy bread.
I hate kettle chips, though. Those stale, greasy, rock hard excuses for potato chips are damn near inedible. Give me a Dorito or a cheese puff any day over a kettle chip.
[...] can’t pick a favorite post, although #63 (expensive sandwiches) is on the list. And #44 (Public radio). And #39 (Apple Products). #37 (Renovations) is also very [...]
9 bucks for a sandwich? Not on your fricking life. Not even if I had the money. That’s just a waste I wouldn’t indulge in.