#65 Co-Ed Sports
February 14, 2008 by clander
White people love being outside, but often during the week they don’t have time for marathons or ten mile bike rides. The answer is to play co-ed sports. This provides white people with a valuable opportunity to make friends with other white people and maybe even find a few dates.
Many white people play in their first co-ed league in college. It is considered good form to talk about how you played in one of these leagues where the best player on your team was a girl. This will make everyone feel better and remind them of the benefits of supporting women’s athletics.
As white people move into careers, the co-ed leagues become important tools for bonding with co-workers and making valuable career connections. Popular co-ed sports include kickball, softball, flag football and soccer. Although kickball used to be kind of cool, it’s sort of played out. So unless it’s a work league, it’s not really worth joining a league anymore.
On the surface, these events seem like friendly contests with everyone having a laugh. But these events are lurking with danger, and within them exists the possibility to ruin your reputation and hard earned status with white people.
If you are a poor athlete, rest easy. Co-ed sports were made for you!
But if you are reasonably skilled in sports, you have to be extremely careful how you approach your co-ed matches. If you try TOO hard (bowling over a female catcher, throwing a kickball EXTRA hard at someone) you come off as an aggressive, crazy maniac. On the other hand, if you don’t try at all you come off as a jerk who thinks they are above the game. The only solution is to approach the game like a point-shaving basketball player - play hard enough to be convincing, but not hard enough to win.
If you follow these rules, you will find yourself invited to the mandatory post-game drinks at a local bar where you will be photographed many times.
The only thing you left out is the unfortunate truth it is secretly frustrating to White People that the best players in the league will always be Not-White People.
I pooped my pants
Actually what you lef out is that white men enjoy Co-Ed Sports so that we can feel up white females with impunity. This is also known as foreplay. The after game drinks are when the couples form and splinter off from the main group. This invariably leads to consensual sex for about half the couples and date rape for the other half. This goes doubly true for co-ed sports at predominantly white (read: all) small, private Liberal Arts colleges.
not funny
But true.
“bowling over a female catcher”
Yes, a friend of mine in a co-ed softball game, trying to score from third on a popfly to the shortstop, sent a female catcher to the hospital by bowling her over like Pete Rose flattening Ray Fosse in the 1970 All-Star Game.
If white people like this, than they will probably like the movie ‘Feast of Love’ too. Not only has it got relationship developments at co-ed games, but it also has Morgan Freeman’s voice-over in true Shawshank Redemption style.
Guilty again. I’m in a kickball league. It’s permissable to throw the red ball at girls as hard as you want to get them out. This is pretty much the goal of the entire game, see if you can drop a 90lbs yoga teacher and not get prosecuted.
this post is so politically incorrect, black peoples play co-ed sports too, just look at Terrelle Pryor dunking over this girl
http://youtube.com/watch?v=GOSYygeVmBQ
lol
Your next topic of whitepeople should be that coed leagues are for adults. For the children of whitepeople, it is about playing sports that blacks do not play (soccer, lacrosse, field hockey, crew, volleyball, baseball, golf, softball, swimming, tennis, gymnastics). The children of whitepeople also play sports that require starting at a very early age (three year old gymnasts and swimmers) and that require lessons, coaching, and summer camps.
The only thing you left out is the unfortunate truth it is secretly frustrating to White People that the best players in the league will always be Not-White People
Start playing hockey.
fucking stupid ass. i played on one coed league which was very multiracial, in fact the leaders were a hispanic man and a black woman. this is so fucking stupid.
You’re stupid. The site is a joke. Learn to take a joke.
Well jeez, you just threw this whole article to shit! Now it’s going to have to be removed. And to think that I wasted my time reading it, it’s a good thing I saw this post.
Were you still allowed to wear wind pants? I like wind pants.
I guess I’ll have to take up sailing to avoid any black men or hispanic women.
Thanks, my monitor is covered with coffee now. Nice.
Monroe,
How multiracial is “very?” I need a %!
meaning there were a lot of people of different races involved
sorry… no percentage available.
Co-ed sports are just fine until that one 7 foot, 200 pound bull dyke comes in swinging like Sammy Sosa.
BTW, awesome blog. Very very awesome. There ya go…another thing white people like: the word “very”.
and the word “awesome”.
The absolute zenith of white co-ed sport is that abomination known simply as Ultimate (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultimate_frisbee)
Only us white folk could take a simple past-time, add a competitive element to it, and give it a ridiculously superlative name like “Ultimate!!”
My girlfriend plays Ultimate. In fact, according to this blog she is the whitest person in the known universe. She drives a volkswagen passat tho, not a prius.
hmm. the best ultimate player i knew was a vietnamese woman.
i nominate hash runs for awesome unknown co ed sports white people like. mostly because ultimate was already pointed out.
I’ve been reading the blog, and realized that just about everything attributed to “white people” (and I agree with just about all of it) can be attributed to Barack Obama, and his borg-like supporters. Does that mean that Obama really is white?
Yeah. If we’re talking culturally. I’m also mixed raced and most of this applies to me or people I am friends with. Although I count as one of the people making the group more ‘ethnically acceptable’.
Thanks for letting me know I was a frustrated white person because all of the best players in the league are non-whites… I didn’t know I felt that way… My mistake.
Oh the madness and mayhem that follows when you use the word ‘white’. The blog isn’t called ‘Stuff White People Like that Other People Don’t’.
superdestroyer, too true. In a town full of basketball players, be sure that little Becky and Steve will be signed up for synchronized swimming and dressage.
All good n well, but what about Real White People Sports like Nascar, NHL and UFC?
Matt, you are the “wrong kind of white”. Sorry.
This blog title is misleading: what you are in fact referring to and mocking is a certain subsection of white people in North America (mainly the US and to a lesser extent the non-Francophone parts of Canada), who are liberal/left-wing poseurs with above average incomes.
Most whites in the UK (where I am from) are nothing like that! Indeed, many whites from America itself are nothing like the whites you mock here. Moreover, whites from the non-anglophone world would hardly recognise any of the stereotypes you portray here. Talk about ethnocentric!
I suspect you are an Angry Asian Male (AAM) who has been brought up and educated among upper-middle class whites, subjected to their patronising behaviour and seen most of “your” fellow Asian women hook up with white men. This blog is your way of expressing your anger and getting some measure of revenge against the whites who have bothered you for so long. It’s funny and all, but please remember the target of your lampooning is a very narrow sub-section of the Caucasian race as a whole.
Oh, and Asians can be just as funny and weird too.
Caucasians…funny and weird? This could be the start of many blogs to come. It’s nice to see a blog where whites are in fact a culture and not the culture. Get it?
[...] #67 Co-Ed Sports http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/02/14/67-co-ed-sports/ [...]
I am in total agreement with the posts above…the author of this blog is ASIAN.
This blog reeks of
“Asian American (I am almost 99% it is Korean-American) Guy who realizes that the Fixed Action Patters of Upper Middle Class, Urban, Liberal White People” is the standard target and pinncale lifestyle to which almost all wealthy and educated people in America strive….and is a bit peeved at it so decides to poke fun of it in a light, but still somewhat derisive manner”
For all of you who mistakenly believe that the author is black or hispanic, I quote the famous SNL skit: “Nigga Please!”
Although Black or hispanic people poke fun at and find much of white culture quirky and hilarious, they do not write blogs which dive so deep into showcasing white culture and critique in a way that exudes insecurity or a vent-up “grudge” as this one does. You can see that that none of the items in this blog are really far from fact. Alot of the items of in the list do indeed apply to a very large section of white population in America. The author does not really lie or distort reality. However, that’s just it. Only Asians find the reality of white culture to be bothersome to their pre-programmed prejudices of what is superior. Hispanics and blacks would be more likely to make up and totally distort the reality of white culture and make jokes about it and leave it at that since they really don’t care what white people do as long as it doesn’t infringe upon their enjoyment of life. In other words, Hispanics and blacks are perfectly fine with the whites wanting to recycle, drive Priuses, live by the water, shop at Whole Foods or what not because if they were making as much money or obtaining the same level of financial comfort, many black and Hispanics would probably want to do the same thing too. Or, they would choose not to, but it doesn’t bother them. Simply put, black and hispanics are comfortable being themselves and with white people being different. They really don’t have any dreams or illusions of black or hispanic culture dominating the “stuff that white people like culture” and really don’t get annoyed that liberal, urban white culture is what it is.
However, with Asians, it is a completely different story. Asians have this strange underlying “grudge” or I should say, “inferiority complex” with any culture or people that are different from themselves but hold a dominance in the society in which both live. Thus, this reality does not fit well with the natural competitive and insecure nature that personififes so much of the Asian immigrant culture in the western world. Unlike black and hispanics, the Asian population in western countries has already reached the same level of economic/financial success that white people hold, and in Asian culture, there is no greater feeling of enjoyment than seeing yourself becoming the dominant power. Thus, because Asians share pretty much the same socio-economic status as whites, they are much aware and exposed to white, urban, liberal blue-state culture since they probably work alongside these types of white people and probably have gone to the same wealthy, high ranked, hippie universities full of white people that this blog ridicules. Not too many black and hispanics have reached this position to be so close and neck to neck with the white population that is the target of this blog. That is the diference.
Thus, Asians see that in this country (USA) or whichever country in which Asians and whites are neck to neck, that despite sharing almost the same economic status with that of the white population, the standard for hipness, wealth, and whatever is considered “cool”, fashionable or trendy is basically “stuff that urban, progressively-minded white people like”…not stuff that “rich, successful, science/engineering background-minded Asian people like.” This reality conflicts and does not bode well with what these Asians have believed throughout their entire lives from birth which is that “Our Asian culture is superior to any caucasian culture because our race is the most intelligent and most beautiful in the world”. It is a commonly known fact that Asian culture in the form of parents, schools, media drill this message of racial superiority into their heads from birth. Thus, when these kids grow up and actually see that reality of the world is totally different from what their masters in their little Asian enclave of racial superiority has told them, they get confused, jealous and spiteful to the point where they need to find tribal comfort in congregating with other Asians and finding humor in telling each other how funny it is that white people’s culture is so different from theirs.
The irony is, however, that in secret or behind closed door amonst themselves, alot of Asians actually yearn for the same things found on this list…especially living by the water or shopping at high end groceries. However, they are just irritated that they came from a culture in which their families could not afford to or did not give a rat’s ass about the environment, recycling, helping poor people in third world countries, eating organic food, helping causes, going snowboarding, renovating a house, throwing dinner parties, travelling to exotic locales, etc., Granted it is not their fault because as immigrants to a new country, their parents did not have the time nor luxury of doing these things because they were too busy trying to make money or push their kids at school to learn Calculus by age 10.
Instead, these Asian kids grew up seeing TV shows from their motherland countries and their families living a different culture: obessing about money, buying expensive designer name brand goods with the label on the front to show off (Gucci, Guess, Dolce Gabanna, etc.), smoking cigarettes in front of their girlfriends, driving nothing other than Mercedes Benz and BMWs, listening to cheezy ballad or R&B based pop music, striving to be a rich doctor, never thinking about travelling to third world countries (only places where they want to travel is K-town in LA, NYC, or anywhere which is considered “fashionable”), etc. Becuase they grew up seeing this type of lifestyle and culture as what is cool and what every normal person strives to acheive, they are heartbroken and angry when they realize that noone in upper class America considers this type of lifestyle to be “cool” or reflecting of high class or wealth. Thus, you get the grudge and blogs like this.
Now of course, before anyone jumps on my back, I know I did ALOT of racial stereotyping and applied a huge range of broad labels to Asians in general. However, my response to that is, “I really don’t care.” Why? Because I can. The reason is that although I am not a member of this group, I spent almost all of my 34 years growing up surrounded by Asian Americans with almost 70% of my childhood friends being Asian, going to school with them side by side, eating dinner and spending weekends upon weekends at their houses with their families, and just knowing their culture inside out. I can even speak Mandarin and Korean even though I am a white boy. Now, I will say that almost half of my close friends now are Asian. However, none of these people subscribe or are victims to the mental disease of insecurity and inferiority complex which I described above. In fact, these guys are “whiter” than me in so many ways and unlike the Asians which I describe above, they really don’t care that “white culture” is different from what they grew up with and really don’t care that it is the dominant standard for what is considered trendy and characteristic of wealth and high-class. In other words, they are absolutely comfortable with themselves. Thus, I want to say that NOT ALL ASIANS ARE LIKE WHAT I DESCRIBE ABOVE.
However, I would like point out three points in the list of this blog that are dead giveaways that the author is Asian and not black or hispanice. Here they are:
#68 Divorce
- Please. I think more blacks or hispanics get divorced than whites. No black or hispanic would be foolish to cite this as something characteristic of being something only a white person would do. However, I can’t even count how many times I have heard the endless adage from Asians saying how terrible and inferior white American culture is because the divorce rate is so high in this country. They insist that Asian culture is that of higher morals because divorce is uncommon. Well, I guess it would be that way since the only other alternative for an Asian women would be to become a prostitute and outcasted by society for the rest of her life since a divorced woman has as much value as a slab of T-bone steak 10 days past the expiration date. No wonder you see so many loveless Asian couples who stay together just for superficial face value while the husband goes and screws whores at the hostess bar on a weekly basis while the wife flies to Europe or Thailand with her girlfriends for a romp in the sack with locals. Meanwhile, the kids grow up seeing such a screwed up household and become permanently scarred for life so they end up jaded, angry, and insecure. Thus, many of them end up writing blogs like this. Oh well, but according to them, this type of relationship is waaaay better than divorce.
#47 Art Degrees
- Again, while in university, I was astounded by the number of Asian students who told me how they hated courses in English lit, history, or any of the humanities courses which required them to write. Thus, it’s not surprising that I found the opportunity to make alot of good money from Asian high school kids who would pay me to write their college application essays since they had no writing skills whatsoever to complement their 800 math SAT scores. I’m not talking about international students either but rather Asian-Americans. It’s strange that even with the privledge of having grown up in an English speaking educational system, so many Asians have difficulty in expressing themselves outside of number or equations. I think this stems from the fact that they are conditioned within their families to think that the only respectable disciplines or professions are ones that use science and math. Any other academic discipline such as arts and the humanities is for the inferior white race. Thus, this becomes ingrained in their heads. However, the caveat is that when it comes time to apply to Harvard or Princeton, they realize that their high grades in math/science and 800 math SAT scores don’t mean jack when they also carry poor grades in English or low verbal SAT scores. I guess that’s where I come in. In any case, many an Asian student who was denied his/her chance at Harvard, Stanford or Yale because of their weakness in the arts or humanities has expressed to me their utmost hatred in all of their high school English teachers, college essays, etc and vow that they would like to exterminate any person who majors in such disciplines and gets a better paying job (probably a lawyer) than themselves. Dead giveaway. Blacks and Hispanics don’t give a shit about who majors in what.
#42 Sushi and #58 Japan
- Actually, these two may be more of a confirmation that the blog writer is definitely NOT Japanese but most likely Korean or Chinese American. However, that in itself serves as a strengthening evidence that the writer is definitely Asian and not hispanic or black because there is no way in hell that a black and hispanic would know or even care to subdivide the Asian fetish that alot of white people have. To black and hispanics, a white person fawning over anything Japanese is just an “Asian fetish.” However, to a Korean or Chinese person, a white person fawning over anything Japanese is just one more cherry on the top of the pudding of insult to their own culture which they believe to be superior to that of Japan’s. To Korean-Americans and Chinese-Americans, Japanese are pretty much at the same level as white people are in terms of targets of jealousy, insecurity, disdain and their grudge. I really don’t think any black or hispanic would give a frog’s fat ass whether or not white people preferred Japanese culture/food to that of Koreans or Chinese but for the Koreans and Chinese, it’s just makes them squirm even more with rage and jealous grudge. Spend any time with a Korean or Chinese and they will tell you that the thing that they hate more than Japan itself is the fac t that Japan enjoys a very popular image throughout the first world and is considered “cool” and “hip” among wealthy, urban, intelligent whites. They really don’t like it that kimchi, soju, Korean soap operas, turtle boats, and Panda express do not conjure up the same image of elegance and chicness that sushi, “Lost In Translation”, samurai and sake do for white people. Definitely, it would not be on this list if it was a non-Asian.
For a better idea of what I am talking about, look at the website below. It’s chock full of Asian American males who are venting their anger and frustration at being the little man on the totem pole in American society. Their posts describe their laments but also their dreams and fantasies of finally being able to turn into the second Ming Emperior who will destroy all white males and reestablish themselves as the ultimate alpha males in society. It’s a good laugh.
http://www.thefighting44s.com/
Somebody tell this guy to get a life. Perhaps a nice jog is in order.
I checked out the asian ‘fighting 44′ site, but couldn’t find the porn. Yust what are you trying to do to this white person?
“Hispanics and blacks would be more likely to make up and totally distort the reality of white culture and make jokes about it and leave it at that since they really don’t care what white people do as long as it doesn’t infringe upon their enjoyment of life…–Tom Sawyer
As a black person, I can say that this is definitely true. The topic of “what whites are doing” never comes up in my circles. Not even among the white people I know.
In other words, Hispanics and blacks are perfectly fine with the whites wanting to recycle, drive Priuses, live by the water, shop at Whole Foods or what not because if they were making as much money or obtaining the same level of financial comfort, many black and Hispanics would probably want to do the same thing too.”
I’m not interested in living by the water but I (and most blacks I know) do recycle, love the Whole Foods market. But, I only know of one black person who drives a Prius. Some of the activities listed on these posts can be applied to all races…even regularly applied.
Are the people trying to guess clander’s race and gender completely unaware that they’re being as prejudiced as she is?
And also that they’re fucking stupid, because she has an about page with a picture of her at the top of this site?
As a white person, I’m saddened that I’m so insanely klutzy that I have no real way to participate in these white yuppie insider activities.
At one job, I was invited to play basketball with the boss and his pals. I politely declined since I certainly would only cause resentment by my lack of sporty skills. I’m sure it would’ve earned me a demotion. If only had had the requisite yuppie skills (that’s what we’re talking about here, by the way, since apparently white=yuppie according to this author).
I’m sure I’d be yachting with only white people, eating gourmet cupcakes and walking my 1.7 dogs by now if only I had be sportily enabled and had climbed the brown nose ladder with the boss and his pals.
Oh well, I can only dream that white dream of being a yuppie.
Hehehe…obviously, I must have touched a nerve in some Asian boys, eh LDW?
Guess it hits too close to home.
But if you are reasonably skilled in sports, you have to be extremely careful how you approach your co-ed matches. If you try TOO hard (bowling over a female catcher, throwing a kickball EXTRA hard at someone) you come off as an aggressive, crazy guy.
You were speaking to me with these words, my friend. I was with you until you assumed I was a “guy”… then I was thrown off. I guess I shouldn’t be reading this at all, should I? Can’t you restrict your log-on to “white men only”? It’ll make it a lot simply for us “others” to know where we stand.
Thanks,
Other
Re: Reg Dunlop’s comment, another post should be “what white people consider very multi-racial/diverse”.
In Seattle where I live, one black or Latino person makes the event/organization/private school very multi-racial. 50% Asian is NOT multi-racial, unless they’re wearing traditional clothes and Asian food is served.
Hmm, is Martial Arts included in the co-ed sports thing? Or is it separate within the list? Come to think of it, I have to wait until next week before I no longer have my WHITE belt! *urgh*
You forget that many of these after work co-ed leagues also involve heading to a suitable bar afterwards to enjoy overpriced bottled micro-brews with one’s coworkers after a grueling 45 minute game of 16″ softball.
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
You’re a racist.
I hate people who laugh at there own jokes. it’s so annoying, especialy in print.
[...] …So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you. #65 Co-Ed Sports [...]
Stuff Black People Like:
-Being Uneducated
-Guns
-Rape
-Stealing
-General Crime
-Money
-Escalades
-Crack
-AIDs
Just a few hilarious ideas I’ve come up with if you ever decide to expand your site.
I’m white and I hate playing football and baseball with girls. Let’s get together and play some sports, since I’m as cool as you now because we have the same tastes.
This is another fine example of your insipient frame of mind and the temporally salacious tongue of your true nature when speaking about the subterfuge of the state of affairs…etc. etc.
Step 1: Read Post
Step 2: Laugh at Post
Step 3: Continue surfing internet and not taking joke websites too seriously.
well, white people like co-ed sports because in competitive sports we have to compete with barbaric, subhuman niggers.
So, Jordan… have we made out at the bar after a kickball game? It’s pretty true about the co-ed sports. And I think it’s pretty funny.
This is a fantastic blog!
But you forgot an important rec league sport. Dodgeball! As a female, there is nothing better than nailing a male in the face to make up for being bowled over at 2nd base because the dude 3 times my size is pissed that a cute girl like me got him out.
OMG i just came across this blog and all i gotta say is that this shit is freakin hillarious….but i’m coming to the conclusion that the writer of this blog is white as one of the stuffwhitepeoplelike is Writing blogs! lol
Here is a good one.
White people like fly fishing, especially with expensive and authentic gear from Orvis or expensive clothing from LL Bean and disdain those who go into the streams with small spinning rods & “garden hackle” (worms).
I just signed up for one of these leagues, not even thinking how pathetic it is going to be. I wish i had read this before signing up.
I play co-ed ball hockey. But, I’m white and from Canada, so playing some form of hockey is like, the law or something.
Just a note to Ultimate players:
Non-Ultimate players do NOT want to hear lusty tales of your frisbee-throwing prowess at parties. Please stop. Listening to a blow-by-blow description of your last game, to us, is about as interesting as listening to a Dungeons and Dragons player recount his paladin’s epic battle with the Orcs of Rag-Nog in 1993.
Also - both of these activities are tools of the devil.
i work in a homeless shelter, and we have a lot of guilty white donors, who want to save the homeless children without actually talking to or looking at them. that being said, the white people who come in to give their old things they no longer want or some nonsense their children wont wear this season, are always wearing clothing by NORTH FACE. white people love NORTH FACE, often regardless of the weather outside.
also, subarus. especally in berkeley. dogs that can fit in handbags are another.
this blog, by the way? amazing.
This is one of my favorite entries on my favorite blog.
An unofficial demographic of the kickball leagues that I have played on in the past few years
89% White
10% Asian
and about the same ratio of Blacks as you would expect to find at either a Dido, Bare Naked Ladies or the Bridge School Benefit.
I like the description as playing as hard as a point shaving basketball player.
Another apect of this is the phony glorification of the WNBA + Womens College Hoops.
In any discussion of them the “enlightened” white people will say something like “They play real defense, not like the NBA”.
As if one of these chick teams could stop a good High School Boys team.
And Pat Summmit is always described as “The winningest college basketball coach in history”. As if her accomplishments in a league with competition as deep as a Petrie dish is the same as the greats in Men’s college hoop.
You are absolutely right, white people DO love co-ed sports. Soccer was how I met my boyfriend!
Pat Summitt’s accomplishments should be compared to John Wooden’s more than current men’s coaches, to be