#67 Standing Still at Concerts
February 17, 2008 by clander
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.
So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.
The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.
If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
So perfect.
Rock fist forever
I pooped my pants
whoever wrote this clearly doesnt know about the disco biscuits… they are impossible to not dance to, even when not on E!
but what about ska?
Seconded. I dance like crazy at Ska concerts!
Ska!!! yes, white people…nay, all people love to dance the ska.
i think they sort of TRY to dance; that’s what the standing still is. but the music is so inherently non-danceable. there is a hilarious Phish video on youtube of hundreds of poor bastards randomly bobbing up and down, in place, to the noodling, beatless sound.
Maybe White People like to stand still because it is just so depressing to be at a concert in America, the wealthiest country on the face of this planet.
you’re stupid
Try seeing someone other than Dave Matthews. You might enjoy it.
LT Nixon–good white person joke!
Actually, lots of white folks DO dance at concerts. But they shouldn’t.
well, if you call that “dancing” … more like flailing
The photo is inaccurate, the tallest, stillest white men will stand in the front. It’s a passive aggressive move by white men to keep their women from getting in front of the band, while pretending they are really into the music. The women might hookup with a musician sadder and pastier than they are.
Untrue. The tallest, stillest white men are usually seen in the front, corralling their women in front of them so that a) they don’t get crushed by the crowd, b) they don’t wander off and get picked up by another, hipper white male.
I hate this phenomenon, but it’s totally accurate.
We don’t dance, because we can’t.
The exception to this rule would have to be hippy or jam band concerts (i.e. Grateful Dead) in which white people, some with dreadlocks, dance around like crazy.
hence the special note
I definately wouldnt agree with this one. Hippies dance, at Alternative concerts we jump up and down, we just dont dance at rap or latin concerts…. mainly becuase there isnt more than 10 white people in the place.
Yes. The Grateful Dead. Lots of white people love the Grateful Dead. Even my brother, who won’t admit it to anyone but me.
Deadheads are definitely the exception to this rule.
For those who do dance, they seem to enter their own little world, oblivious to the fact that they’re knocking into everyone around them.
Heh… you can really tell the author is from Toronto.
hippies love to dance, expecially when they’re tripping on lsd and the like:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ns_MYrMV_UE&feature=related
White kids also like to mosh. I am brown and went to a Rage Against the Machine concert. I like to watch the set and jump along with Zach de la Rocha, but the white kids around me instinctualy formed a mosh pit and started to knock each other around. I wanted none of that, got pushed to the back, where I chilled and watched the show
Who says white people don’t dance? What about Beatle Bob?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgnvmlE09cI
Wow, thanks for that link. I don’t know what else to say about that.
you can really tell the author is from Toronto.
I was thinking this too…then I noticed how many of the photos are from there.
it’s worse in england. I’m certain of this.
[...] Read it. If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage. [...]
Oh yeah, like people are dancing in the aisles at hip-hop / rap concerts where (gasp) whites may not be in the majority.
pretty much all the concerts i’ve been to have been still, and i’m into hip-hop/rnb. then again performers say the washington, dc area is hard to perform in.
[...] February 17, 2008 · No Comments I’m feeling prolific this crap Sunday afternoon. I’ve done loads but accomplished little. Although, there is one thing I did accomplish today that I set out to do: build a life soundtrack that wasn’t as easy as pushing the shuffle button on my iPod. This soundtrack is one that I constructed and pondered about. It’s one I’d actually listen to, it’s a “mix tape ” with a theme: Me. I have uploaded the mix and you can push play in the Perma Link Box on the side bar if you’d like to have a listen. And by the way, read this hilarious entry regarding soundtracks from the blog, stuff white people like. [...]
Stacy wrote: “Oh yeah, like people are dancing in the aisles at hip-hop / rap concerts where (gasp) whites may not be in the majority.”
Now Stacy, it’s been noted many, many times that rap audiences are mostly white suburban kids trying to get a little credibility.
WTF are you talking about? I’m white and I love to dance.
Oh, but my mother was 1/2 Spanish (from Spain) and 1/2 Italian, so I grew up in a culture of dance.
Unless Italians and Spaniards don’t count as white to you. My mom had super-light white skin that never ever tanned and bright, flashing green eyes. Is that white enough for you?
I have a couple more for you.
White people love Target and find it completely acceptable to shop for clothes and household decor items there, while they will not admit to buying the same items from K-Mart and Walmart.
Whites also love to refer to hookers, whores, and strippers are “sex workers.”
I love Whites.
HAHAHAA thats so true !!!!!!!!!!
Good point, but do you think this may also have to do with the neighborhood you grow up in and how much money you come from? For instance, the white people you describe mainly live in the suburbs, not the rural countryside.
Shoot, all I got to listen to growing up was the sounds transmitted through my radio and tape player.
Old (and young!) country white folks love to dance. And they won’t wait for somebody to start trend.
Oh. And White people really love shady, hole-in-the-wall “dive” bars because it makes them feel like they’re getting some sort of authentic experience. Here they will enjoy PBR by the can or Miller High Life by the bottle. The smokier the better, even if they normally complain about how second hand smoke is a “killer” and a terrible pollutant. They find these bars quaint.
“More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.”
Well, better that than songs about cash moneys, shooting people, and beating women.
See, the thing is, white people tend to like music worth LISTENING to. Imagine that! Have you tried to listen to non-white dance music? It is some of the most boring, repetative crap on the face of the planet.
Yeah, I get the joke of the site, but I also get the not-so-subtle racism of it, too. However, I see no point to criticize people for only liking music if they can dance to it, because that would imply that everyone who looks at life differently than I do is wrong, or bad, or both.
It’s a pity that those who look at life differently than I do can’t find the same level of civility and maturity.
Non white dance music being repetitive? What is nonwhite dance music? That could be a variety of things…. WHen I think of repetitive crap I think of techno which is W-H-I-T-E.
It’s not attacking people who dont like dance music, it’s poking fun at people who dont move at all in a concert.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This is so GODDAMN TRUE. I’m not white, but I’m a big fan of music in general, including a lot of white people music. The most bizarre thing about going to concerts for white people music is this no-dancing phenomenon!
I still dance - I don’t give a damn, if there’s a beat, I’ll dance to it. I was at a DJ Shadow show recently, and NOBODY WAS DANCING. I could not understand - he was mixing funk and hip hop beats, and people were doing -exactly- what you describe - standing still, drinking beer, periodically raising their hands toward the stage.
WHAT?!
This almost made me die laughing.
(Also, I think John’s taking this a little too much to heart. You can dance to any kind of music. I broke it down to a great cover of “Circles” by Soul Coughing at a show I was at last night.)
Tamara, spot-on for your dive bar pick. ( I am guilty but I also don’t like paying $6 for a “good beer.”
Speaking of music:
Bruce Springsteen or maybe even all of rock….
Off topic:
Floppy broad-brimmed hats! Like if the sun hits you it’s a one-way ticket to cancerville.
I’m about as white as you can get. And I love my music, and stereotypically, can’t dance to save my life. So I just sway and clap and groove and god-damn GET INTO IT when the music is good. And I don’t care otherwise. The “worth listening to” comment was not-so-subtly a dig on dance music, which I really don’t like, but I wouldn’t have made it because art is always in the beholder’s mind, and can’t be criticized fairly if you’re not in the camp.
I love satire, too, and I see the humor for folks who don’t think and act like me. And I don’t care if the post(s) are meant in silliness or in disbelief or in mockery. We all like what we like. And we have more in common than we might think.
Rock On. Thank you.
White people like to argue seriously with satirical writers who will only use thier geeky indignance for future jokes.
White people love Target and find it completely acceptable to shop for clothes and household decor items there, while they will not admit to buying the same items from K-Mart and Walmart.
LOL!! This is so true, not just white people but that liberal, “anti-racist”, socialist class dominated by whites. As if the clothes at Target don’t come from the same “sweatshops” as Walmart.
Belle and Sebastian was a bad example, especially if you’ve ever been to a concert. here’s some proof.
http://www.filter-mag.com/index.php?c=11&lid=540
The shins would have less dancing and more standing.
Hahaha… white people are also good at proving others wrong. Nice job David. One for the team, baby!
Huh. I wonder if the other white people at concerts are staring at me wondering why I’m dancing… I’ve never noticed this!
alicemary “it’s worse in england. I’m certain of this.”
I think it’s even worserer in London. Us Londoners just tend to stand there with our arms folded, and a “try and impress me” attitude on our faces.
Thing is, i’m all in favour of this sort of behaviour. People who want to still be in ‘rock’ bands in this day and age, should be treated with nothing but contempt!
ha ha har!! ecstasy the end part is so true
but like all good stories, only works as a great ending because it has a great beginning
I’m a whitey but I dance round to dah blues like a tr00 negro!
God, what am I saying… Yeah, it’s true though.
Maybe white people would rather stand still than get in a circle and perform an African rain dance.
I see more racism in some of the comments to this blog than in the blog post itself.
there is a difference between highlighting funny things about a culture and making dichotomous and judgmental statments that draw negative distinctions between cultures.
The writer obviously never has attended a rave or a good underground dance party.
There, white people dance with more spirit than blacks in America do these days.
Black music used to have grooves worth dancing to, but then in post chronic hip hop…the music devolved into this swishy swishy doink doink bs as well as the almost total absence of a snare. It no longer was about the music either..just the MC going off about his ego munchies…
“Got my mind on my ego, got my ego on my mind”
When I am in hip hop clubs, I see blacks doing what I call the “bird” where they just slowly move up and down and wave their arms like a bird trying to fly while looped on cough syrup. One peep told me that it is due to the fact that its hard to really dance when a “G” is “strapped”. If he really “bust a move”, his gun may go off in his pants and do a 186 on his jimmy.
One cannot go to a hip hop night anymore because some knuckle head always have to bring their gats and start capping rounds. WTF?
Blacks in the UK know what time it is with music…hopefully their American homies will catch up
And keep in mind, this crowd phenom gets fed back into the music biz which then produces acts which succeed solely BECAUSE their music cannot be danced to. White audiences are extremely grateful for and elevate these acts to the heights of overstatement and superlatives. This results in, among other things, the ascent of all sappy, post-feminist, post-Sarah MachLachlan, “I’m-so’sensitive” chick rock* which is generally the musical equivalent of “Do you think I’m pretty? …Does this song make my butt look big?”
John, it’s avery good quality to be able to laugh at oneself.
(*Tori Amos, Ani deFranco, Kimya Dawson, the song ‘Bubbly’
I have never stood still at a concert,maybe i’m not truly white lmao
It’s like they are sleeping on their feet.
I love this blog, so many of the observations are dead on about upper middle class overeducated white liberals who like to project an earnest, caring image to the world. I’m certainly guilty of some of the things listed here!
On music, you should add singer/songwriter performances. A small stage, an acoustic guitar, a set list of 5-6 original songs about dreary relationships, throw in a Tom Waits cover and add one or two “upbeat” songs with whimsical humor that ultimately conveys an important life lesson so that by the end of the set we all have a better appreciation of our humanity.
Worst night of my life? Getting dragged to a Dave Matthews concert by a girl I had started dating…..It would eventually lead to a fine break-up, which I got over after many sandwiches, dive bars, 80s nights, breakfast places and appreciation for Steve Nash…..
What about Jimmy Buffett? I got slammed at my college orientation cause I didn’t know who Jimmy Buffett is. The orientation leader asked the group, “Does everybody know who Jimmy Buffett is?” and I was the only one who answered no. I thought he was some important person on campus that I needed to know, and if I didn’t know him, I would find myself in some state of dispair later in the year and *need* to know him.
The orientation leader hunted down a portable stereo and brought it to the room so she could play a Jimmy Buffett CD.
As the music wafted through the room, I thought to myself, “Oh, I get it. I don’t know who he is because he plays music that white people like.” Being black and growing up in a black neighborhood, Jimmy Buffett just doesn’t get any spins on the radio stations I listened to.
I’ve since widened my musical selection, but it still doesn’t include any Jimmy Buffett.
Thank you for not writing that white people are more cerebral, even in their musical tastes, than other races. Weenies might consider that “racist”, not unlike the entire premise of your blog.
Michael Ventura’s “Hear The Long Snake Moan” on white people not being able to dance. So much of white music is not dance driven. It’s not percussion driven. It’s guitar-lyrics driven, i.e. listen to my words and melody which is ok with me as long as there’s some soul there. I’m Sicilian and won’t ever win any Sat nite fever dance contests, but at least I try to move my wretched ass some. If there’s deep hot as shit grooves in da’ house, I gotta move something, non?
Anna, your orientation leader was clearly an idiot. I’m pretty sure the only people that like Jimmy Buffet are 35+ alcoholics who live in tropical locations.
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
I’m white, this is totally true, and it’s why I hate most white people music and associated concerts.
[...] Today’s link is Stuff White People Like, a blog (you guessed it) about what white people like. We’re so lame! Some of the best include: #67 Standing Still at Concerts [...]
#54
RACIST!!!
dont you dare comment back!!!
#41-mychotik: you must have missed this part of the blog entry:
Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.
Also, shopping at Target is only acceptable if you pronounce it “Tar-ghey”. Kmart and Walmart are not acceptable, unless you are only shopping there in order to have a meaningful experience connecting with your working class brethren. workers, unite!
The argument that it’s difficult to dance to indie music is a valid one, but the real reason not to dance is that you can’t stand around feeling superior to the other concert-goers if you are yourself having fun. also, you might spill your sparks.
See! I knew the minute we started to let them vote they would knock our mad dancing skills.
Southern white people move at concerts. Or during front porch sangin’ ! It’s just most dumb suburbia kids who act like that picture…
This website just sets you up to make fools of yourselves and use generalisations about various races, the generalisations you claim are so offensive to your own race. Why is it that Americans seem more obsessed by race than any other nation?
Hmmmm…I guess ya’ll have never been to a B-52’s concert. White folks and all sorts of crazy African Americans and Asians and Hispanics are dancin’ up a storm—together! Scarrrryyy!! I think there were other minorities represented there too! LOL!!!! As Disco Chic says, “Keep Dancin’!”
Ciao!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7Aamymyt-k&feature=related