#73 Gentrification
February 22, 2008 by clander
In general, white people love situations where they can’t lose. While this does account for the majority of their situations, perhaps the safest bet a white person can make is to buy a house in an up-and-coming neighborhood.
White people like to live in these neighborhoods because they get credibility and respect from other white people for living in a more “authentic” neighborhood where they are exposed to “true culture” every day. So whenever their friends mention their home in the suburbs or richer urban area, these people can say “oh, it’s so boring out there, so fake. In our neighborhood, things are just more real.” This superiority is important as white people jockey for position in their circle of friends.
They are like a modern day Lewis and Clark, except instead of searching for the ocean, they are searching for old properties to renovate.
In a few years, if more white people start moving in, these initial trailblazers will sell their property for triple what they paid and move into an ultramodern home.
Credibility or money, they can’t lose!
When one of these white people tell you where they live, you should say “whoa, it’s pretty rough down there. I don’t think I could live there.” This will make them feel even better about their credibility and status as neighborhood pioneers.
Lol true.
LOL I DATED SOME WHITE BITCH FROM SAN FRANSICO HERE IN ATLANTA THAT BOUGHT SOME PROPERTY NEAR LITTLE FIVE POINTS THAT LOOKED LIKE SHIT. SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO MAKE BANK ON IT THOUGH
LOL SO TRUE
Ok, I’m going to make this so simple a white, bleeding heart, class defecting, poverty worshiping member of the granola ghetto can get it and the ungrateful no everything/no nothing bunko “minorities” they support can understand.
1) By definition gentrification is a CLASS issue and not a race issue. So you’re misusing and abusing a turn ergo. you’re a douche nozzle.
2) 99% of these so call “black” neighborhoods where once white to begin with. I think Malcolm X called that “the chickens coming home to roust”. So drop the act my brutha.
3) Once again we see the disparity between poor blacks and poor white. When gentrification (the class one not the new-speak race one) comes to the white ghettos of America theres no Jesse Jackson’s or Gloria Allred’s to be found.
In short, the only reason blacks have a voice on this issue is obvious. Self hating, poverty worshipping, class defecting, college educated, social Marxist WHITES!
is it hard to type with that hood on?
I not sure the Klan would except me seeing as I’m technically a minority. Nice try though. The reason why I have the opinions I do is due to the fact that I have lived in black neighborhoods for about seven years in the past. Before that happend I was probably someone who would be in political alignment with the likes of you e.g. clueless.
I hate rich people.
http://stuffgodhates.wordpress.com/
Your grammar could really use some college education.
The Malcom X comment was made in response to JFK’s assassination.
Yes. This is something I like to call irony. I-r-o-n-y. GOT IT!
I met this white environmental biologist with an architect husband who lived in the tenderloin district in san francisco. she was reading david sedaris on bart. when she told me she bought a place in tenderloin, I said “wow, it’s kind of scary there.” she looked so self-satisfied. hahahaha
Sound like yet another “white” with plenty of white guilt and no white pride.
I have a similar story to ‘ not white’s’ from a client of mine who told me she was moving out of Ladds Addition ( an area full of single story historic houses in South East Portland Oregon) and into North Portland (read- granola ghetto) because there where “too many white faces”.
I put a 7.62×39 FMJ in her brain if she had one.
dear longlivedeath,
good job missing the bus on this entire website. you must have missed the part about this website having a strong foundation in this crazy thing called “satire”. way to go, son.
your friend,
crystal
there is an episode of “king of the hill’ about this. peggy is a real estate agent and starts to sell houses in a mexican neighborhood to all the hipster-yuppies. with hilarious results.
I bet the hipster decorate there houses with Dio De La Muerto kitchy bullshit. This is especially ironic because “white people” already have a day of the dead called Samhain. Once again “white people” co-opting non white culture and ignoring thousands of years of European culture. Oh so trendy…
White peoples neighborhoods are always better
Spot On Examples:
Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY
Echo Park, Los Angeles, CA
Mission District, San Francisco, CA
north 6 and bedford is the new spring and west bway
I remember when I was a wee lad being able to stroll through the North side and see topless hookers walking freely. Damn you white people for chasing them away! Damn you to hell!
also applies to numerous areas in and around Washington, DC
I lived in Highland Park which is culturally near to Echo Park but about a half hours drive. We TRIED to make the neighborhood better but those damn Mexicans wouldn’t budge. We jacked up the home prices. We added all kinds of new taxes. We gave them recycling (three different containers!). We gave them Starbucks and closed down the taquerias (health certificates: DO NOT HAVE). But they just wouldn’t leave. So we lef tinstead, and made bank on the house flip! Lol now I live in Seattle: Uber White.
Now added, Bed stuy,
Harlem and
Red Hook.
Sorry I can only reference New York.
LOL for real…i never thought i woudn’t be able to afford an apt in the ghetto-I love NYC, but screw this, i’m moving to the 3rd world!
San Francisco is experiencing expansive gentrification all around the city. Even places like Bay View and Hunters Point ( neighborhoods that have extremely high crime rates) are gradually getting invaded by white people who want to be “cool”. I used to live in the Mission District , but we had to move out of San Francisco because rents were getting super crazy. I swear, this really makes me hate white people. Go back to your suburbs.
the funny thing about the mission district is that is has some less bad parts, but white people won’t live in those parts. I lived in outer mission cause it was affordable and not too bad, but so many white people tried to one-up me by mentioning how they lived near 16th st, etc. I’m sure it was only so they could live closer to the hipster bars. I can’t believe people will live near crazy crackheads just to fake street credibility
very true- in my neighborhood at least
Haha - I moved to an up and coming neighborhood not too long ago, and I do tell all my friends the stories about the break-ins and other crime waves that occur in my area. Too funny!
The gentrification of Williamsburg is over. It’s been over for about 5 years. It’s like SoHo now.
The most important part - complaining about how hip neighbourhoods they once aspired to live in have got gentrified and unaffordable, while refusing to acknowledge they have themselves raised rents in the neighbourhoods in which they are “pioneers.”
I wish white people would realize how horrible their presence is to the neighborhood. Low income families who have lived in these neighborhoods for generations have to move out because of you, leaving their communities and other resources that have sprung up in that neighborhood. Really if you can afford to live in Pacific Heights get your ass out of the Mission.
why would you want to live in a gang banger dirty gross hood? You don’t take care of your houses, yards, cars, etc. You park 20 cars on the side of the streets. Your yards is like a junk yard. You got gang bangers walking the neigborhood and stealing, breaking into cars and homes just for a crack fix. You got beggars walking around begging for money. you got that stupid loud booming music that really just sounds like rattling metal. Why do you want to live this way? Do you not have any self worth? Why are you doggin white people when they come to live in “your’ hood and then they try and do it better? The neighorhoods are usually so poor and disgusting it’s better to get all of that shit out of there. Wouldn’t you rather have a safe nice place to live? Seems weird to me that you are always bitching about this issue.
safe nice places cost $$…is this really so hard to grasp? not every cheap neighborhood was so horrible either, some of them were pretty decent, but then when the white people move in, no one can afford it and they have to actually move to the real ghetto…this has happened to me several times U.U
Note to white people:
This strategy (gentrification) only works if you don’t get murdered.
But, it’s important to get as close to actually getting murdered as possible.
I know. I nearly got murdered. In Ft. Green Park in Brooklyn. Back in the day before every other white person wanted to live there.
Real White People do not say “back in the day.” Thank you.
Come on AA,
of course they do. There’s nothing more satisfying to white people than to use urban slang and euphemisms. Its instant street cred for their other white friends. It never fails for a good laugh when a whitest of white sorority chick throws up a westside gang sign, or a “Hell-to-the-no!”
In fact, I’m surprised that this isn’t a category post. If it isn’t it should be. nudge nudge hint hint;o)
fo shizzle!
Note to black people:
I have zero interest in living in or around your neighborhoods. In kind make it a point to stay out of mine. You have a right to have your areas run by your best and brightest solely. Black police, black judges, black mayor you get the idea. Total autonomy for you. You have that right and so do I.
P.S. Please feel free to mug or kill any wiggers you see. We don’t want them. Thanks-
I feel quite strongly that the next item should be, “This Blog”. White people love this blog. It gives them a chance to be all reflexive, but also laugh at other white people. White people, after all, like being unlike other white people.
Coffee coming out of my nose is SO worth it on this one! And it wasn’t even April 1st when you posted.
I LOVE THIS BLOG . . . truly . . . it makes my heart bubble over with joy to see that someone thinks the same things I do. Not in a mean way, but in a truthful way. And I get that you’re not talking about ALL white people (that’s simply common sense) - I understand because I have come across MANY white people who do carry on the way you describe in your entries and, yes, it does turn my stomach.
Kudos!
oh my god! yeah talk about the adventrous white people moving into the inner city of Balitmore, Portland, Oregon, Downtown Los Angeles and Oakland, California. Though, it won’t be totally populated by whites, but it shows who really owns the real estate market!
down in soho.
the men have pierced nipples.
the women don’t shave their backs.
Getting goativated here.
Just moved into this great place in Puducherry (formerly Pondicherry for those wishing to study abroad).
http://atschool.eduweb.co.uk/carolrb/Egypt/Misc%20pictures/9_goatsonroad.jpg
Well, it’s a bit of a picker-upper, but I feel it’s on the up and up. If me and the the ol’ nannie (that’s a female goat, mind you) can survive the slaughterhouse, we’re gonna make it.
~The Goat…
before cranky pants post, here it is Oh Noes!!!! Anonymous hasn’t posted yet, so here it is!
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
We are all racist!
Ah hah hah I’m in your stuffs ruining your posts!
black people don’t sniff glue…
They are authentic until the neighborhood is swarming with white people and all the rental rates go through the roof. The one sign you can count on is a Starbucks on every other corner. And later, wi-fi cafes.
@ No. 14 Ponzi: Black people aren’t known for sniffing glue. We’ll leave that up to the suburban white kids who don’t get out much and are alienated by their parents.
Yes white boys likes them some glue. But, Latinos loves huffing paint. Really, though, crank is drug of your white trash scumbag. White people blow themselves up making this crap.
Most whitepeople will pack up the Prius, crank up MosDef, and head for the suburbs when the kids are born. Triple extra bonus points if you stay in the less than fully gentrified hood and afford your children a childhood of hip, authentic ass whippings.
Your take is the most dead-on of all of these. They move to the city from the suburbs after college for their big urban adventure like it’s a fucking field trip or another “studying abroad” semester. Then they meet someone and move back to the suburbs, because god knows you can’t raise kids in the city. The most hillarious thing is when severely white, recent grads try to act like they did grow up in the city. Like the ass whipping line, because I went through that.
Urban thought, I’m just reposting some crap that someone else took the time to post in every single comment section for this blog. I’m making fun of their inability to take a joke, I mean hell I’m white and this stuff makes me think and makes me laugh but it’s not really offensive to me. I figured by post that first then it would ruin their fun. These are just really poor generalizations
@trp:
See also
The Shaw, Washington DC
try Shaw, Adams Morgan, U street corridor, North Capitol…DC is now full of burb kids movin to the city to be more hip and “not be like” their parents.
To speak seriously, there are obvious economic pluses to gentrification like increased property values, lower crime rates and less segregation. Unfortunately this is like a runaway train. You never see a truly diverse area. Just going from one end of the spectrum to the other.
My favorite thing is how this blog has bell peppers as clip art at the header. I am so very tired of red bell peppers. It is very hard for me to find an expensive sandwich or breakfast that does not feauture roasted red bell peppers. It sticks in my craw.
This is soooo true. I live in Austin, and the people that are down south are so snooty about their housing. They whine about the gentrification of east Austin, even though they already did it to south Austin!
I do love this site. Where are the writers based? That pic on this article looks like a building in Chicago. Am I right?
As someone said below, that looks like a south Chicago neighborhood…just south of McCormick Place, perhaps??
I also just moved into this great place in Puducherry. I ate a goat there. I was delicious. I hope that property values go up now.
So funny and so true.
I live in one of these neighborhoods with my sweet pitbull.. it’s all so ironic.
infallible,
I live in Austin as well, and yeah, south Austin is so snooty. I live in east Austin, and feel appropriately guilty about it, even though my house is old and falling down around my head and I’m not raising anyone’s property values. ha ha
my name’s dmc with the mic in my hand and i’m chillin and coolin just like a snowman.
You didn’t mention that the white peoples are Hyper-aware that they are displacing the natives and feel rilly-rilly bad about that but must press on through their newly acquired quantities of guilt for the sake of preserving the decaying remnants of an urban neighborhood or some Golden Age of architecture yadda yadda…
Yeah, but us white people have to live somewhere. And if we hate the suburbs and can’t afford a richer urban area, up and coming neighborhood it is.
hahahah
wow, I feel like you’re talking about me in most of the posts. pouahaha. Japan, breakfast places, studying abroad…
Yeah man.
Give the land back to the Native Americans. Worst case of gentrification I never did see.
I LOVE THIS BLOG . . . truly . . . it makes my heart bubble over with joy to see that someone thinks the same things I do. Not in a mean way, but in a truthful way.
Yeah, and actually all this info would have been really helpful when I started university.
I thought the exact same thing when I read this! I was like, “why didn’t anyone tell me this before I started college?????” It would come in handy and maybe I wouldn’t have felt so alienated and out of place all the time
Hah, I used to work in that neighborhood and that newer building is actually going to be a government building. Mayor Newsom is keeping it REAL!
this is funny. check out richard lloyd’s book “neo-bohemia”.
Well its true. White people that live in up and coming areas are envied by their suyburban dwelling peers. Chic hip home, no yard, ultra modern, black neighbors these up and coming “closer to inner city” people get to even 1 UP the Prius drivers…they take the train or lightrails to work. How is that for saving the environment!
http://www.platenuts.com
They’ve ruined the gay village, and one day, Kensington shall go too.
It’s funny ’cause it’s true.
Have you noticed that developers have jumped the hipster stage of gentrification and started building condo-lofts in sketchy neighborhoods before artistes and punkers get a chance to disfrutalo? They even add the book store and coffee shop. West Oakland, Downtown Memphis? Being a white pioneer is so hard; our methods have been co-opted by our wealthy money havin’ cousins.
BooHoo.
You know, I just realized that the only white people at work who brag about where they live are the ones who live in predominantly black neighborhoods. And it’s the blustery kind of “I live a more hardcore lifestyle than you” kind of proud. Man, this may be the most spot on post ever on this site.