#74 Oscar Parties
February 24, 2008 by mylosh
One of the best places to gain a white person’s trust is at an Oscar party. An invitation to one these parties is basically your “foot in the door”.
Vocabulary is one of the first things to be aware of at an Oscar party. Never say “movie”, always say “film” and know which awards use the term “Best” and which ones use “Outstanding Achievement”. Saying “I hope Atonement wins Best Art Direction” will guarantee that you won’t be invited next year.
Attire is very important as well. Either dress in an fancy suit / gown or wear something that relates to one of the films nominated for Best Picture. So for the 2008 Oscar Party it might be best to put a pillow under your shirt and come as a pregnant teenager in tribute to Juno (by no means should anyone bring an actual pregnant teenager). You can impress white people even further by bringing in a food or drink item that relates to a film. Again using Juno as an example, if you were to come to the party with jugs of SunnyD, it would highlight your keen observation of detail when it comes to watching films. Then they will see that you watch films the same way that they do. Also be prepared to be involved in an Oscar Pool, but make sure you don’t win. If you do, just say that you were lucky.
However all of this preparation will mean nothing if one does not act during the most important part of the night: when the nominees are read for Best Foreign Film. At this point someone will get angry and state that some movie that no one has heard of, was snubbed. When this happens just nod and agree. Mention that it sounds interesting and that you will watch it tomorrow, even if you have already seen it and know that its boring.
Basically what separates Oscar Night from other party nights is that it allows white people to express themselves through their tastes in film. If they see that you are someone who agrees with a majority of their opinions, then they will be your friend and provide you with ample opportunities to sip wine and attend film festivals together
first…
I’ve never really seen a trend of Oscar parties….maybe super bowl parties would’ve been better. Still, good entry!
Nope, super bowl is too available to run-of-the-mill trailer trash.
i pooped your pants.
hahahaha thats hilarious I agree
White people never invite me to their parties
Again, ‘Stuff White People Like’ is stuff that only narcissistic White Women and Pussified American White Men like. Unfortunately, a rather large majority of Feminized America. This is what happens when every aspect of society caters to women. You get shallow, superficial, batshit insanity with no basis in reality. Another thing White Women like: Abortion. If that baby is going to impede upon “the lifestyle she’s become accustomed to” then KILL IT.
White Women love abortion - Feminism has brainwashed them into believing it’s okay.
White American Women are the worst women in the world. This is confirmed by men from many countries. Sportfucking, sure (high STD rate though). Marriage to a typical shallow, superficial white bitch … no way. Why give her the first (starter marriage), second, third, or fourth divorce she desperately wants and expects? Nuts to that shit.
Alex, you’re the kind of guy we read about in the paper…”He was so quiet; he really kept to himself.”
“Another thing White Women like: Abortion. If that baby is going to impede upon “the lifestyle she’s become accustomed to” then KILL IT.”
If you mom had thought that way, the world would be a better place.
Wow. You managed to incorporate your insane hatred of women into a satirical, light-hearted discussion of… white people. Wow. You should try your hand at condemning the decadent behavior of women when discussing things like the Iraqi war, global warming, the Celtics’ chances of winning the NBA championship or annuities vs. mutual funds. Something tells me you have a masterly grasp of misogyny and you could easily pull this off. Er, good luck with all that….
Both Oscar and SuperBowl Parties are a complete waste of time. Oscars allows participants a pretense of of cultural veneer [a couple of microns thick]. It’s just like General Foods International Coffee, Viennese Fantasy, whatever. And the SuperBowl allows the same demographic to paddle thru that spectacle in a glass-bottom boat.
Either way, I feel a big fart coming on…
Well, I’m obsessed with the oscars and regularly keep up with the race, but i’ve never been to an oscar party. i usually just watch it at home, or when i was living in a dorm in college, it was on the main tv but that’s about it.
so is the entry about following the oscars or the act of having a party?
I have a friend that always hosts an oscar party… and she has the pool too. She is so white!
Alex Keaton, right on the money. Where can I read more of your writing?
http://www.msbaptist.org/
Another thing White Women like: Abortion
Black women have much higher rates of abortion than white women.
Upscale white women use birth control.
Never heard of an Oscar party happening anywhere East of Cali. I guess I’m not white anymore. You know - since this is a blog accurately describing every white person on the planet.
Your next post should be “Blogging.”
C’mon my Crackas! Have a little fun. After over 1000 years (and counting) of white domination, the least we could do is give the coloreds some time to laugh at us on a stupid blog.
But no, I haven’t even heard of an Oscar party , much less been to one.
This is one of the first ones that’s been way off. I think Oscar parties might be legendary, found only in TV news reports about the Oscars and, perhaps, magazines. Do they really exist? I don’t think they do, I think one Oscar party was held a few decades ago and (like fruitcake) that one has sufficed for years of anecdotal reportage. I live on the East Coast, though, and someone above mentioned it’s a California thing. I guess you live there? Rest assured 90% of the nation has never been to or known the whereabouts of an Oscar party. Even the white part of the nation.
Hopefully your next one will be better.
Tonight is huge for us honkeys. If you perform well you will be invited to film festivals in 2008. And remember- when holding a glass of wine you must have your pinky finger sticking out.
Alex K #4 is right on the money.
…. unfortunately for him, even the most feminized, pussy-fried white-guy who calls his wife, “SHE that must be obeyed” has more balls than his simple-minded dognuts lickin’ piece-o-shit poor-excuse-for-a-waste-of-life ass will ever THINK of havin’.
Because, simply put, Alex K and his kind don’t think.
Please bite me.
I’m taking bets as to when this Blog of itself will become its own fodder.
I pick next Thursday.
P.S. RE #14: I know it’s not pussy-fried I’m jus playin’ wit y’all.
White peoples need to lighten up. Oh shit– I guess that’s not possible.
I love this site but it would be more aptly titled Stuff urban yuppie white people like. White people also like nascar, hockey, and swimming but obviously theses entries wouldn’t fit the honkeys being describe on this blog.
What’s up with all the racism? Really, my white friends you need to have a sense of humor about this stuff. If you can’t laugh at yourself than what can you do? Hate?
Can we add that white people love Feist?
And for the record, whiteness is a learned behavior.
And it can be UN-learned.
White people should also not forget to have their favorite humanitarian cause at the Oscars to impress their white friends and make themselves more self-important than they already are. Here’s a tip: Darfur is soooo 2007, but Global Warming awareness I hear is “totally in” right now.
#9 I love…..
I don’t think you “get” this blog. My take on it is that the author is poking fun of well-off liberal urban white people. The arrogant ones who host wine parties and, yes, Oscar parties. The ones that drive fairly expensive (by my standards) trendy cars with a bumper sticker that says wither “Free Tibet” because it makes them look socially aware, or maybe one of those weird coexist stickers.
They say we need to help the inner-city poor more, but would never think of particapating in a Big Brothers/Sister program.
Wear a Che T-shirt with no clue who he was.
Go to the over-priced restaruants and then brag about it being their new favorite.
And on and on.
I’m surrounded by these weinies.
White and black people go to oscar partys but not many people do anyways
Who is Hardcastle ?
And why is he saying terrible things about you?
#6 Greg — I bet that your friend who hosts the Oscar party has a french bulldog!
This is stuff is mainly about State side white folk but it applies to Europeans as well. For example, the music thing is soooo accurate it’s unreal, as is the wine thing.
Over in Europe, white people also like to have towns all to themselves, specially if they happen to be seats of higher education going back hundreds of years. Any non white people are either swept under the carpet or made to blend in with white people. Oh yes, and also they are made to put up with appalling political incorrectness.
So, please, something about the Ivy league next.
I understand that white people are an easy target, what with being the most beautiful of all the world’s races. But I wonder why someone would make this blog, inviting the obvious counterpoint: What Black People Like. This would include for instance crime, obesity, preprocessed foods, the indoors, underperformance in school, and crack cocaine. And as soon as I finish my latte and take a bike ride, I’ll sit down and write it.
oh my goodness…. this is so funny and true. coincidentally, i’ve been invited to an oscar party for tonite, and yes… we have to bring food dishes that somehow relate to the nominees… haha oh man, i was having such a hard time figuring out what to bring. the sunny D jugs are a great idea!! haha
#4 Alex Keaton, you couldn’t be more on the money without posting pictures. It’s the leftist feminist remodel of our society that has lowered our international standing, not our confused elected government.
#19 Right on.
People need to chill the fuck out and see the obvious humor in this blog, its freakin hysterical and I love it.
and
#17, white people DO love Feist. What’s with that? I freakin love Feist.
Hilarious–and so true. And as for those of you who think Oscar parties are just a California thing, I have news for you. I used to be invited routinely to Oscar parties in Montana and would have to think of creative ways to get out of going without offending the hosts. The parties were kind of fun, in a masochistic way, but on the rare occasion when I would actually win a prize in the pool, it was pure luck because I rarely go to the movies and had no idea what most of the categories were all about. Oh well, guess that’s why my friends holding a party tonight didn’t invite me. Boo Hoo.
White people lighten up (no pun intended)
Why are you guys always so pissed about sites like these? and you always hit us with this zinger:
“What if we did a site about what black people like?”
or the classic “Why is it ok to joke about white people and not black people”
I’ll tell you the difference when a black person does humor about white people its 99% of the time light hearted shit thats not hurtful, or hateful, a majority of comedy/jokes that whites do is mean spirited shit that can get them punched in the mouth.
Perfect example watch any comedy show that has a black comedian joking about whites, you see them laughing (although nervously), and then you have Kramer from Sienfield screaming Nigger!!! NIGGER!! 18 times and everybody walking out.
But if done tastefully and in good spirit white people do GREAT comedy about race and differences in culture, Ive seen it performed in front of black audiences and they loved it.
Whats funnier, hearing about white people loving Oscar parties, expensive sandwiches, and Mos Def,
Or hearing Blacks love HIV, crack, jail, teen pregnancy ______ insert stereotype <—-
see the difference in the nature of the joke.
Im done
im lame. and white. and i love this site.
Knine, I absolutely agree with you. I’m sick and tired of explaining myself on message boards, so it’s great to see other’s tell it like it is.
#26 nailheadtom
I don’t like shallow, self-centered, out of whack values as much as the next person, but you have a messed up view of why the country isnt working.
White people like not having a sense of humor.
#29 Knine
Thanks Knine!!!! You get it.
“Never heard of an Oscar party happening anywhere East of Cali. I guess I’m not white anymore.”
Guess not. I know of several white people who hold them in the DC area. Right now, some very white person is agonizing about which Oscar party to attend.
I love this blog. Sometimes it describes me; sometimes it doesn’t, but that’s the point, innit? As foolish as believing black people like hip hop or asian people are good students.
What I wonder is whether this could occasion an actual serious conversation about race in this country. Nothing else seems to.
You left out the most important part of the Oscar parties - complaining about the academy’s taste in movies, and pointing out the better low budget movies that weren’t nominated.
This site is hilarious and those who are upset about it are probably the targets of this satire.
I mark Caucasion on various government forms, but I, as defined by this site, certainly am not “white”. This means that I am not an overeducated, underworked, yuppie liberal who feels guilty about having too much disposable income and being born white.
I hope I see these future subjects
Barnes & Noble—-the white people’s library where they can combine books on architecture, learning about other cultures, researching where they travel, gaining insight on their own writing, coffee and setting up their apple computers for all to see.
IKEA…enough said.
wow the site is growing at a beastly rate… everyone is talking about it
congratulations, this is quite a success… don’t let anything anyone says get to you… keep pumping out premium content
You know what white people, you need to stop using that whole “if this was about blacks, it would be racism” because you assume that blacks and whites are equal and therefore interchangeable. Stop playing the victim card and stop thinking that you understand what it’s like to be a minority in this country.
white people will vocally and loudly _claim _ that blacks and whites are interchangeable, but they actually secretly believe that no black person can succeed without the help of a) the government in the form of affirmative action, b) the advantages of being a foreign born african american as opposed to an american born african american or c) the help of enlightened whites such as themselves or maybe adoptive white parents ( see the section on Barack).
When white people see a black person in a position of power, success, or authority they immediately say to themselves, ” I am so proud that I support affirmative action that allows this opportunity to poor unfortunates who would otherwise go without”. they also defend AA, because they subconsciously know that their heads would explode if they had to deal with an intelligent successful black person without the crutch of assuming he is a token.
White’s actually do have _no_ idea of what it is to be a minority, but they NEED to foster the delusion that they DO understand, as this makes them feel compassionate and superior to other whites.
Please don’t be so cruel as to deny them this fantasy. By assuaging their white guilt they will be so thankful that they will give you anything you want - even the presidency of the united states. this isn’t working out for Barack because of that whole reverend wright thing, but would have otherwise.
(posted by a luminously white guy who is unique and different and actually DOES know what it is like to be a minority because he lived in rural Japan as the only gaijin for miles around and had to endure ~sob~ the pointing and being called ‘gaijin’ by jr high kids)
{ please note that all whites have an innate need to be different and special in order to salve their white guilt for stuff done by other white people before their ancestors even came to america. In my case I feel white guilt for the things done in america after my ancestors were slaughtered and driven out of the country for opposing slavery, because i am still white after all}
[whites also have a need to bring up obscure ancestral oppressions to make them more sympathetic and less guilty, see above]
I guess I don’t understand why people are taking this site so seriously. Just laugh. Its funny.
http://blog.stuffblackpeoplelove.com/
I also think loud discussions about how nothing on TV is any good (except The Wire) is also a really important part of these parties.
Next should be about white people using the victim card and acting as if they know what it’s like being a minority.
I’ve been to a couple of Oscar parties (all held by white people; I’m not), and they are pretty much as described by this post! By the way, my friends who’ve held Oscar parties (with the exception of one) are not arrogant; they are just single women in their late 20/30-somethings who are too old to be out “clubbing,” and like to have excuses to have people over to their house.
white people love: talking about getting tattoos
white people love: blogging
these are so ridiculously true… I read every post like, “haha yeah. oscar parties, so true.” “HAHA YEAH, POOLS, SO TRUE” “YES! YES! SAYING STUPID FILMS WERE SNUBBED! HOORAY!!!!”
so good man. so good.
Lighten up? White people don’t need to lighten up. Our near-translucent skin is beautiful just as it is. That’s why we’re the most beautiful of all the world’s races.
Yes, Oscar parties really do exist, all over the country, not just in California. However, I have found them to be most plentiful among the Gays. I dare you to find a Gay man not going to an Oscar party tonight.
#101 ..things white people like:
Thinking they are the most beautiful of all the worlds races
(in reference to comment #47)
Well, my white card may or may not have been revoked by now (for any variety of infractions over the past decade or so), but assuming that I’m still qualified to speak for my fellow pink/beige/ivory folks, let me simply say that most hate toward this site and most of the “what if people did something like this on black folks” sentiments come from the fact that, by and large, most American whites don’t like to be on the outside looking in. Privilege isn’t enough. They want to be in on the cool stuff and be in on the jokes. That is why someone like Quentin Tarantino (whose work I love but whose personality I hate) starts donning Kangol caps and using the work nigger whenever possible. They have to co-opt cultural tidbits, fashion, slang, music and the most thin-skinned among them even have to also claim persecution to complete their sense of wholeness.
Okay, I am a white guy and think this site is incredibly funny. I get it. As someone said above, it’s primarily the overeducated, underworked, too much money types that we are talking about. See the studying abroad thread for a textbook example.
I think it was totally uncool when that guy was all like “Let’s make fun of black people”. Everyone knows that making fun of blacks is one of those things you just don’t do. It may seem to be all in good fun to make fun of black people for having a lot of fried chicken and kool-aid, unless you’re white, in which case it’s not fun or funny at all, but racist.
“White people love talking about getting tatoos”. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAA.
And Oscar parties are so white. So lame. So deluded. So unfun.
White people like: talking about how they only watch the Superbowl for the commercials and the half-time show.
Things white people like: Stormfront.org
I think it’s unfair to say that white people “don’t get it” or “can’t take a joke”. After all, white people invented humor, along with the wheel, Jesus Christ, the hairless vagina, hundreds of uses of peanuts (including peanut butter), and the dog.
I was invited to 2 Oscar parties this year - one invitation came from an Indian-American woman and the other came from a Black-Brazilian, so I don’t know how white either are gonna be. Maybe that’s why they invited me. Hmmmm. Or, maybe their invitation stems from Post #73 - Gentrification.
Sorry Marty (#55)…the peanut thing was trail-blazed by George Washington Carver (a black man). I’ll give you the hairless vagina though.
I knew there was a conservative undercurrent to this blog that bothered me in a way I couldn’t quite articulate: check the post on ‘Asian Girls’, specifically the phrase “should white guy / asian girl marry, they produce hybirds that are aestically pleasing, but are very annoying”. Yeah, way to go hip, ironic, “anti-racist” white guy blogger!!! You totally convinced me!!!
( http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/01/20/11-asian-girls/ )
I love these little blogs. It’s kinda fun to see how many of these hit close to home.
But it makes me kinda sad when people take them too seriously and start a race war
I’m going to an Oscar party tonight in Toronto. There will be mostly people from my cinema studies class and we will be ordering vegetarian thai food. Talk about being too white.
Andreas, if that’s so, I’d say you’ ve got to sack up and regroup.
I think from a certain perspective, that a debate has arisen over a few satirical postings is very interesting. On one extreme, people are offended and wonder why they can’t make fun of black people. On the other extreme, people are so complacent with this type of humor that they don’t hesitate to identify the stereotype they’re poking fun at: “over