#82 Hating Corporations
March 5, 2008 by clander
One of the more popular white person activities of the past fifteen years is attempting to educate others on the evils of multi-national corporations. White people love nothing more than explaining to you how Wal*Mart, McDonalds, Microsoft, Halliburton are destroying the Earth’s culture and resources.
While the growth of multi-national corporations can be attributed to a number of complex social, economic and political factors, many white people prefer to take the word of two trusted sources: No Logo and AdBusters.
Published in 2000, No Logo has been responsible for more white person “enlightenment” than any book since the burning of the library at Alexandria. By reading this one magic book, white people are able to get a full grasp on the evils of multi-national corporations and then regurgitate it to friends and family.
Advanced white people will supplement No Logo with a subscription to AdBusters, where they will learn how to subvert corporate culture and return it to the masses. Specifically, this means taking ads and redoing them to give a negative message about a product. Apparently the belief is that when other people see this ad, they will be hit with an epiphany that their entire existence has been a Matrix-style manufactured universe.
If you plan to engage in lengthy conversations or get high with white people it is recommended that you read No Logo or one issue of AdBusters. Failing that, it is acceptable to buy a copy to leave on your coffee table. When white people see it, they will recognize you as someone who can see through the advertising and has a proper perspective on life.
When engaging in a conversation about corporate evils it is important to NEVER, EVER mention Apple Computers, Target or Ikea in the same breath as the companies mentioned earlier. White people prefer to hate corporations that don’t make stuff that they like.
Following these simple steps can help you gain the trust and respect of white people in a relatively short period of time.
Awesome.
I like to read Adbusters, but ironically, it is too expensive for me to buy on a regular basis. Boo.
White people like to shop in small, little individual stores (when it’s convenient) giving business to “the independent” — another way to be free from the corporate monster.
http://www.jonesview.wordpress.com
It’s funny because it’s true. Some white folk (mentally deficient liberals mostly) love to bemoan the evils of “corporations”. Nevermind that corporations employ most of the people working in the private sector. That’s just lefty logic for you; they love employment but hate employers.
From what I can gather from your comment, I can say that if you weren’t a conservative reality-denier, you’d have realized that there is no “left” in America, and that the only acceptable form of political idealogical spectrum compatible with democracy and freedom, is between that of market conservative and market liberal. Both ends of the spectrum are very destructive.
Both parties are market liberal in America. One is market liberal to the detriment of democracy and freedom (and fiercely against democracy in such terms as privacy and bodily sovereignty), however.
Guess which one…
SHUT UP!!
You probably sucked at school. Probably white.
From what I can see you have not read number 81 on this list
Heed, do you live in your mother’s basement and “get away” with keeping a bong there?
i don’t speak “liberal”. What the f*ck did he say?
You forgot to mention that a lot of corperate haters are the children of fourtune 500 CEO’s.
Also while all of the posts are quite funny and true, this blog really is of, by and for the type of privleged, liberal, urban, “progressive” white people who live in sterile little bubbles and should just float away.
exactly, so why don’t you fuck off you racist fuck? it’s for white people, not for unemployed crack-head ghetto pieces of shit who whine about white privilege in a desperate bid to make themselves feel better.
Wrong on all counts, but thanks for even more proof that priv.lib.urb.progs know nothing of the world outside of their bubble.
Umm… do you really believe that this blog is “by and for” “priv.lib.urb.progs (which abbreviation, by the way, I love)?” Can you not see the irony, sir! It’s pretty clear to me that the authors of this site have nothing but contempt for the type of “white people” about whom they’re writing. The blog is a negative commentary on the elitism of white people, not an endorsement thereof (or, you know, it’s just really funny and we should all stop over analyzing it).
Just stirin’ the pot Jimbo. I think it adds to the funny!!
Okay, I know, it’s Fortune 500.
And if that struck a nerve … read on.
For your information, I plan to avoid working for anything but a small company where i personally know the person in charge because i dislike big multinational corporations.
@D-MO, so, we’re REQUIRED to love the organisations who employ us? The opposite is usual, and amongst a FAR wider demographic than white people. They pay for our time, they pay for our labour. Contrary to what the CEOs might think, they haven’t paid for our souls!
Corporations CERTAINLY don’t express much love for the people they employ.
What most don’t realize is that most of these “independent” stores are actually subsidiaries of larger corporations. The corporations just don’t make it known. When you’re shopping at Jack’s Hardware store, thumbing your nose at Wal Mart, who do you think is laughing all the way to the bank? I got news for you, ya’ pussy-ass liberals, it ain’t Jack!
Pretty creative blog about us whiteys. We do love bitching about corporations. And I happen to be wearing a pair of new balances too
They need to take this blog a step further and have a section for what Old White People Like.
http://www.IAmSoOverMe.com
It’s genius… pure genius…
Also, rampant use of the term “Big Box Store” must be employed.
Love the blog, keep it up!
Every post describes the majority of people in my hometown.
This one is no exception!
Dear green tea,
You are clearly exhibiting a love of irony, as white people probably also like green tea.
White people do like green tea, but for the whitest of white it’s gotta be organic all the way: either fair trade or locally produced.
better if it’s green chai tea.
green tea? green chai tea? you are far away from being truly white.
white tea is the new green tea. i only consume it after my two hour yoga/meditation routine in my japanese garden, or “the place where i feel better than you” as the fellas call it.
This is hilarious. Totally true! Everyone hates corporations, unless that corporation has some sort of trendy following behind it.
Corporations themselves might not be so bad… but the corporate worklife leaves MUCH to be desired. *shudder* I have lost my soul.
Visit http://www.joyfuldigesting.com/ for info on digestive disorders!
Working for a corporation sucks the life right out of you even if you’re a whitey like me.
I ride the city bus and you should hear the conversations the whiteys have on their cell phones, (apparently thinking the other passengers are hearing impaired). Betty Big Butt across the aisle from me has a llama that has a fever and is so upset. All About Me Man is going to visit his father in another state and they are going canoeing, and last but not least Martha Make a Meal has to give her caller the entire menu that will take place upon her arrival from her oh so horrible corporate job which she of course is the number one asset to the corporation.
Corporate america sucks! I just want to stay home and boss the dog around and get paid for it.
I’ve decided that this blog is so accurate that I will now begin to just accept it and actively use it as a guidebook to my life.
I’m going to adopt whatever practices and beliefs explained here that I haven’t already.
Just go with it.
This blog makes my day. All are great posts but this one is so real here in Redmond, WA where White People who work for the Software Giant will talk and kick dirt on their Employer all day, all they can BUT interestingly enough, they stay to cash a huge paycheck. These are the same folks that suggest they will move to Canada any day now… They love to call their Employer “They”. White People are funny. No loyalty, no soul.
I have loyalty. I work for Starbucks and I have to say that is the best company I’ve ever worked for. I’ve worked for local small businesses but their serious lack of organization is a pain in the ass. That’s why I like working for a corporation.
>If you plan to engage in lengthy conversations or get high >with white people it is recommended that you read No Logo >or one issue of AdBusters.
Being an Arab, this is great to know!
Ibrahim
http://www.BehindtheApprovalMatrix.com
http://www.IGotUGGs.com
I love the satire, but I hate feeling like a poster child. I think the tension is “gorgeous!”
So true. WP are hilarious. Corporations employ them and their parents, yet they treat them as a supreme evil, as if making a profit was wrong.
The part about Apple Computer is the best part. People act like buying computers from the corporation that sold most of the computers to our schools in the 80s is an act of utter revolution. Keep it up.
What about Exxon and Shillary Clinton?
Good call on Apple. They’ve only made our world a little bit better.
The hate that some people have for this blog really surprises me sometimes. Don’t know what the deal is, I think it’s hilarious.
Hey, let’s all go here…
http://moveitmoveit.wordpress.com
I love this site! It cracks me up. The author must live in Austin.
kind of played your hand here. interesting.
What about text-messaging? We’re always doing that!
Not the best but still very good
Are you one of the writers on strike from WGA coz these posts can easily make a popular sitcom
If all you can see is expensive sandwiches, please wake up now.
I’ve done the math and there is no f-in difference between Billary and McPotatoHead.
If the dusts settles that way, I will NOT vote. Given the fact that the old fat Supreme Court justices have died/retire there seems littlepoint in voting for the candidate that sucks less than the other/last one.
Wow great. It’s the first thing i check at work, and it makes my day. LOVING IT.
You forgot to mention Whole Foods in the list of companies at the end, haha
Can we please identify the author? I want to feel proud when I am correct in my assumption that it’s a Jew.
BOOGA JEWGA BOOGA!
Since his given name is Christian, I’ll guess you’ll just want to crawl away and die of shame.
This blog is of great anthropological use. I am writing my thesis on white people, and hopefully I will get a grant to do a study on your cultural traditions!
LOL. You’re funny.
HAHAHAHA
how true
I <3 this site.
So true! I love Target, but love to hate on Walmart. Keep up the good work.
I love to hate Walmart, too, but that’s because my loyalties lie with Target.
“mention Apple Computers [yikes, I'm on one now!], Target or Ikea in the same breath…”
Add Miramax to this. And Costco… The latter apparently bribed a city council to condemn a church, just to expand their parking lot, but you never hear them get the flak Wal•Mart gets!
“Costco…apparently bribed a city council to condemn a church, just to expand their parking lot, but you never hear them get the flak Wal•Mart gets!”
Because to many white people, demolishing a church–particularly one belonging to either Roman Catholicism or Evangelical Christianity–isn’t necessarily a bad thing; rather, it represents social evolution away from the backward superstitions of the past. Now, if Costco had sought to demolish a mosque or a Buddhist temple, then many white people would consider them to be just as bad as Wal-Mart for attempting to suppress local diversity.
#23 Beef:
“Can we please identify the author? I want to feel proud when I am correct in my assumption that it’s a Jew.”
No, he’s Christian. I don’t have any idea to which faith he adheres, but read the interview or the news stories. He’s “Christian”. And a Canuck.
Fuck WalMart!
Wasn’t the movie, “the coroporation” a big hit around the time the anti-Walmart movie came out? Besides apple and co, whities don’t like to hear how bad Starbucks or Krispy Kreme. Unless they are involved in an upmanship battle where they will then proclaim they get their coffee and the Coffee Bean.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO hahahaha
Though buying Adbusters is totally stupid. Well, the fact that they participate directly in capitalism through it is stupid.
And…back to irony
So true that it beats me down to have to be lumped in with those white people.
So anti “Big …” (anything).
Distancing …
Damn it! It’s like looking into a mirror every time I read this blog! ALSO, I’ve noticed white people love to eat vegetarian, even if they’re not one themselves. Can you explain that one to me?
Naomi Klein…9/11 apologist and complete tool of the far left. Pretty White Females can get media attention, no matter how horribly ignorant their arguments are.
I thought the first 79 were funny but the last three are scary dead-on for me. STOP READING MY BRAIN
adbusters is insulting to people’s intelligence. why the heck should i buy black dot shoes for 90 bucks when i can get the converse all-star (practically the same shoe, just made in china instead of portugal) for 50?
oh, because the black dot is made by portuguese union workers. which should help the chinese people get more money, right?
no. if anything, the black dot is SUPRESSING third-world economies.
because if the nike shoe factory goes out of business, then those workers are S.O.L. instead of making one dollar an hour making shoes, they will be making no money doing nothing.
the black dot is a ridiculous invention made to make white people feel better about themselves while loudly proclaiming their rebellious, anti-corporate lifestyle.
LOL… I’ll have to ask my supervisor about this. He would know about these books. He actually worked for two of the mentioned corporations.
I doubt it is necessary to two recommended books to get high with white people. You can get high with them and listen to Mos Def.
OH whoops….i just found the post. Thanks for answering that before I asked.
White people also love to let you know that they don’t eat at McDonalds… which is somewhat related… Apparently McDonalds is as big as it is only selling burgers to non-white people…
Amazing!
And for goodness sake NEVER badmouth the $7 Billion company that’s putting independent health food stores everywhere out of business. That would be Whole Foods!
I don’t know a white person who reads adbusters, but i do agree that “walmart sucks, target rocks” is a bit silly. They both sell crap from china… one is just bigger than the other.
“White people prefer to hate corporations that don’t make stuff that they like.”
Sure, but they also love to campaign for cosmetic changes to the ones they’re addicted to so they can feel better about consuming their products - cf. Starbucks getting one or two fair-trade coffee types and putting up posters about rainforests and brown people. Or Calphalon pans that have a sticker telling you $.0.25 of your purchase goes to some hunger project.
The archetypal white-person store is actually the sort of indie-hipster place that sells a careful selection of hip women’s ballet flats (all about $100), retro or 60s dresses, linen shirts (again, with $80-$150 hand-written price tags), soaps and bath products with clever ironic girl-power slogans on them (around $20), a basket of organic single-source bean chocolate, usually from Vermont, and a selection of erudite-ironic-funny greeting cards and little books or postcards with 1950s women saying feminist things on them. The person staffing the store will be white, have darkened hair, and a few subtle tattooes. Nobody needs to ask which corporation made the products, because the high prices are testament enough to the fact that they must be “ethical.”