#89 Saint Patrick’s Day
March 16, 2008 by clander
Normally if someone were to wake up at 7:00 in the morning, take the day off work, and get drunk at a bar before 10:00 a.m., they would be called an alcoholic, and not in the artistic, edgy way that white people are so fond of.
On March 17th, however, this exact same activity is called celebrating St. Patrick’s day. This very special white holiday recognizes Saint Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland who helped to bring Catholicism to the Emerald Isle. His ascetic life is celebrated every year by white people drinking large amounts of Irish-themed alcohol and listening to the Dropkick Murphys.
It is also the day of the year when you can make the most gains in your social and professional relationship with white people.
Most of the time, white people consider celebrations of European heritage to be racist unless they omit large swathes of the 16th through 20th centuries. But since the Irish never engaged in colonialism and were actually oppressed it is considered acceptable and encouraged to celebrate their ancestry. For this reason, 100% of white people are proud to claim that they are somewhat Irish.
A big part of St. Patrick’s Day is having white people feel particularly upset at the oppression of their ancestors that has in no way trickled down to them. If you find yourself talking with a white person who tells you about how their great grandfather was oppressed by both the English and the Americans, it is strongly recommended that you lend a sympathetic ear and shake your head in disbelief. It is never considered acceptable to say: “but you’re white now, so what’s the problem?”
It is also worth noting that on this day, there is always one trump card that never fails to gain respect and acclaim. When you are sitting at an Irish bar and someone orders a round of Guinness, you must take a single sip and while the other white people are savoring their drink, you say: “mmmm, I know it sounds cliche, but it really is true. Guinness just tastes better in Ireland.”
This comment will elicit an immediate and powerful response of people agreeing with your valuable insight. This statement also has the additional benefit of humiliating the members of your party who have not been to Ireland (and thus cannot confirm this proclamation). Having not traveled to Ireland and consumed a beer that is widely available in their hometown and throughout the world, they will immediately be perceived as provincial, uncultured, and inferior to you.
It is also strongly encouraged that you memorize the lyrics to “Jump Around.” It will come in handy.
Dare I say it… St. Patrick’s day is the one day of the year that white people can act like “the wrong kind of white people?” and get away with it?
RACISTS
St patricks day is for the irish
white or black
grow up
Yeah, kinda like how the African American actor’s Guild is for Charlize theron too, right Steppy?
Doh, I pooped my pants
right, cause there are many, many black people in ireland. its a country known for its ethnic diversity.
completely ignoring the fact that there are not a ton of black (asian, latino, etc?) in ireland…
just because something is for black people too doesn’t mean white people can’t like it. is there actually anything on this list that’s solely for white people? or are coffee, bicycles, and scarves for white people only?
I have got to say this website is absolute trash. It does nothing but promote more racism. Can you imagine the backlash if there was a website called “Stuff Black People Like”? Its ok though because this one is making fun of white people..not blacks…they would get all offended and sue somebody.
You mean like this site http://www.stuffebplike.com/?
Being actually Irish, it’s my observation that we’re the only ones who don’t lose our shit on this day. Interesting fact: Irish people aren’t actually white. Well, aesthetically maybe, with the nocturnal-mushroom hide; however, I’m speaking under-the-skin here.
On an unrelated note, here’s one for your list: white people like saying “I love you.”
We’re not white, we’re cursed with these fecking freckles. And gingers. And a langauge that sounds like fecking klingon.
Come on, you don’t like your freckles and blue eyes?
“A freckle ne’er lit on a din skin” Irish grandpop used to say. White people really like trying to change their whiteness with bronzers and tanning salons.
LOL people of color get freckles too, it’s called sun damage no matter what color your skin is!
A face without freckles is like a night without stars.
“Irish people aren’t actually white”, I’m usually green after a dose of REAL IRISH Guinness.
The ‘I love you’ thing. Yeah, it always unnerves me when white American blokes act macho as hell and then go around hugging each other and telling each other they love each other in public.
And I was out with a bunch of white American dudes last week and one of em went into a long story about how when he was in Ireland drinking a pint of Guinness he actually called the states to tell a friend “Guess what, I’m in Ireland drinking a pint of Guinness”. When the story was over they all turned to look at me for some kind of approval. I said “Yeah, good stuff” while really wanting to say “thanks for the public stereotyping”. Thing is, I get this kind of thing on a daily basis. One white American friend who hangs out with me a lot now tells me he squirms with embarrassment when this kind of thing happens!!! Its water off my back though - I like to call it ‘affectionate bigotry’ or ‘profiling lite’.
yep. blarney stone, sticky floors, fiddle music house band. pure whiteness.
Explotatoin of a stereotype for pure profit? Seriously, irish people couldn’t be further from the caucasian stereotype. You come to ireland and go to some of the proper local towns and villages. go to leitrum. caucasian liberal ideals don’t come into the eqution when women can still be stoned to death for adultery.
I’m from the neighbouring county to Leitrim (not leitrum). No-one in Ireland gets stoned to Death, half the country is the throes of committing adultry and no-one bats an eye. The only people getting stoned are the middle-classes on their imported weed.
That is such a hilarious comment that I must email my mates with it so that we can all get a laugh. Stoned to Death for Adultery, you’re gas!
true, funny and perfectly timed. im guessing the author rushed this (to make it in time for tomorrow’s ‘big’ event) because there are quite a few spelling mistakes, but i appreciate it nonetheless!
Not only is the spelling off, but Saint Patric did NOT bring catholicism to Ireland. He brought Christianity. The Catholic eventually made him a saint in an attempt to change the popular religion to Catholicism. It a common misconception.
ANYWAY!
I love St. Patrick’s day! And the Dropkick Murphys! (FAV BAND AND HOLIDAY!!!!)
An ‘F’ in history. “Christianity” and the Church of the councils were synonymous when St. Patrick was alive, unless you’re talking about the Nestorians.
Bonus: White people love pointing out other people’s mistakes online.
YOU CAN’T BE IRISH AND BELIEVE THIS.
That’s why there aren’t any Catholics in Ireland…
The Church split along geographical lines. The Western lands, with the inclusion of Poland and Romania, went Catholic and the Eastern lands went Orthodox. Prior to 1054, they were the same Church Universal. All under the supervision of the Bishop of Rome, the Catholics have a rightful claim to.
Loves the Dropkick
http://mantivity.blogspot.com/
personally i’d rather hang out with the “wrong kind” than the types described here.
White ethnicities are great because white people get to implement them selectively. Nobody knows or gives a damn if you’re Irish until you put on a bunch of green, wear a plastic hat, and drink yourself stupid. If you’re Asian though everybody’s like “where are you from?” They may or may not ask this really slow and loud, as it the asian person can’t undestand English well. If the Asian person then tells the white person they’re from Boston or something like that it really confuses them. White people get to be from Ireland or Boston depending on their mood and whether it’s a holiday.
I really hate it when I ask where Asian people are from and they tell me “LA”, “Bay Area” or “New York”. Just tell me your damned ethnicity already, you Chinese or Korean bitch. Why else would I ask you where you are from? Obviously, so that I do not mix my konichiwa with a nee-how.
So ask the right question. That would be “What is ethnicity?” or “What is your ancestry, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Eugene: Next time be more specifc with your question to avoid confusion. When someone ask me where I am from, not just a white person, black, hispanic or fellow asians, I tell them that I am from Seattle. Now if they ask me what my heritage is, then I tell them I am Pilipino. So, Eugene, where are you from? That’s not what I meant dumb ass, I meant what is your heritage.
Asians hate Phillipinos.
Eugene: are you retarded, a dick or both?
So you think we all look alike do ya? Hypocrite?
http://stuffcollegepeoplelike.wordpress.com
Saint Patrick’s Day was Saturday. The Pope changed it.
The celebration of St. Patrick’s Day was changed this year, in order not to fall within Holy Week. Next year, it’ll be back to its usual spot on the 17th.
#10. indeed. it’s called white priviledge.
I’m Irish and extremely white, more like a pale ghost. I’m not ashamed of my roots. [I do wish sometimes I could get a tan.... O' well that equals skin cancer later in life]
Saint Patrick’s day is just another excuse to get drunk.
Not much into drinking anymore but I still like the music. I’m playing “Bad Religion” and “Bouncing Souls” right now……
Great observation. I’ve noticed a larger trend in European descendants viewing themselves as part of a larger monolithic culture, rather than acknowledging the different developments of each country/territory.
Fabulous insight, keep up the good fieldwork.
Being actually Irish as well, I have to disagree with Grumpus; Irish people in Ireland will be getting smashed tomorrow in huge numbers.
Great post too, made me laugh
(And Guinness actually does tend to taste better in Ireland. Come over and try it some time.)
mmmmmm, i only drink guinness on st. patricks day.
#13 It’s simple: The Irish in America have so inter-married with the Poles, WASPs, Italians, Scandinavians, Germans, etc. that the people who call themselves “Irish” really should call themselves what they are:
White or European-American.
Know what else white people like? THERAPY.
White people are also known to celebrate Christmas so long as by celebrating you mean arguing about the importance of putting up a menorah side by side with every coniferous tree dressed in tacky shit.
God bless.
Bravo, yet again.
I don’t understand why people take St Patrick’s Day off. It’s the 18th we need off.
And Guinness does taste better in Ireland.
Shanks….Funny…LMAO
The people most responsible for cheapening the day are those companies that give away crap, or sell the cheap Made in China plastic stuff. Beer companies, Party Card Warehouse, etc.
I don’t get it. Are the things here representative of all white people and what they like? I looked at this blog long and hard and I could not find anything I didn’t like and I am a discerning white person. Should I feel troubled by this? Help.
Hookah bar entry, please..
Haha.. kind of like black people acting oppressed from slavery 150 years ago.. saying “i beez doin sum crime cuz we be slaves n sheeit”
Are you nuts? I’m glad you could find the time to intelligently critique this site by immitating what you think black people a) sound like b) think and c) that they are criminals. Bravo asshole.
#18 Bug off jew. Only the weasel hateful Jews know how to create such hostility at Christmas time. Everyone knows that Jews elevated a minor holiday solely to compete with Christmas. Disgraceful.
Seriously?
You’re tarnishing the sanctity of this site with antisemitism? As a weaselly, hateful Jew myself, I resent the claim that we make hostility only at Christmas. Year long, baby!
this is sooo inspired
I respond to your inspired post in quivering awe!!!!
In the words of the six fingered man:
“well spoken sir”
Aw Benny the fucking jew, feel a chill, you fucking jew? We are still out there.
ROFL
Guinness has less calories and carbs than a Bud. Look it up.
http://www.amazon.com/Irish-Became-White-Noel-Ignatiev/dp/0415918251/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1205728804&sr=1-1
In the first half of the 19th century, some three million Irish emigrated to America, trading a ruling elite of Anglo-Irish Anglicans for one of WASPs. The Irish immigrants were (self-evidently) not Anglo-Saxon; most were not Protestant; and, as far as many of the nativists were concerned, they weren’t white, either. Just how, in the years surrounding the Civil War, the Irish evolved from an oppressed, unwelcome social class to become part of a white racial class is the focus of Harvard lecturer Ignatiev’s well-researched, intriguing although haphazardly structured book. By mid-century, Irish voting solidarity gave them political power, a power augmented by the brute force of groups descended from the Molly Maguires. With help, the Irish pushed blacks out of the lower-class jobs and neighborhoods they had originally shared. And though many Irish had been oppressed by the Penal Laws, they opposed abolition?even when Daniel O’Connell, “the Liberator,” threatened that Irish-Americans who countenanced slavery would be recognized “as Irishmen no longer.” The book’s structure lacks cohesion: chapters zigzag chronologically and geographically, and Ignatiev’s writing is thick with redundancies and overlong digressions. But for the careful reader, he offers much to think about and an important perspective on the American history of race and class.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc. –This text refers to the Library Binding edition.
WHAT WOULD SOMEONE NAMED NOEL IGNATIEV KNOW ABOUT THE IRISH? GO WRITE A BS BOOK ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE.
stuffcollegepeoplelike,
You really oughta quit now while you’re ahead (even though you are in no way ahead). Not only did you just blatantly ape the premise of your site from this guy, but you totally suck at it. All the posts are over-brief and not a lick humorous. This blog is funny because it’s original and well-written…if you really want to pay homage to it, you should start a blog in that sort of vein.
Gay Condo, you are so ariwolfin’ myopic. I am as white as one can be and everyone always ask “whats your ancestry?” People always this I am jewish when I am rockin my beard and that is really annoying. Do beards on a white man automatically = Jew and if so who created this rule?
White ethnicities are great because white people get to implement them selectively. Nobody knows or gives a damn if you’re Irish until you put on a bunch of green, wear a plastic hat, and drink yourself stupid. If you’re Asian though everybody’s like “where are you from?” They may or may not ask this really slow and loud, as it the asian person can’t undestand English well. If the Asian person then tells the white person they’re from Boston or something like that it really confuses them. White people get to be from Ireland or Boston depending on their mood and whether it’s a holiday.
http://gaycondo.wordpress.com
BTW if you want to see the stuff white people REALLY like visit 4chan.org /b/
ya know, there’s something very depressing about this whole blog…
“Where are you when we need you, Christy Moore?”
http://www.triskelle.eu/lyrics/plasticpaddy.php?index=080.010.060.030
Real Irish of all colors miss the hell out of JP McCarthy this time of year.
Will be hoisting a few to you JP!
St. Patrick’s Day in the States is the douchiest of all holidays. It’s worth mentioning that the admiration that so many East Coast Americans have for the mythical concept of Ireland is as disturbing as the tribal nostalgia that American Jews feel for Israel. As unrealistic as American Irish-American Catholics feels about the Republic, so do American Ashkenazy Jews feel about the state of Israel. Both group suffer from historical nostalgia, and their non-rational tribalism in the form of excessive financial support of nativist groups in both Ireland and Israel.
On this stupid holiday let us reconsider the way in which we foolishly worship arbitrary international myths and, by extention, perpetuate the violence of oppressed groups worldwide.
Having observed St. Patrick’s Day celebrations in the U.S., I have to disagree that this holiday is anything like what some Jewish people feel for Israel. (I say “some” because I know that not nearly the majority of Jewish people are in favor of a Jewish State. There are religious reasons for that.)
My experience with those that celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in the U.S. is that a vast majority of them would not be able to point out Ireland on an atlas, would ask you what retirement has to do with green beer if you mention the IRA and likely do not have a clue who St. Patrick was or what century he lived.
These people are not perpetuating myths, espousing tribalism and/or violence nor have much of a grasp of history, nostalgic or otherwise.
What they are doing is getting drunk on beer with green food coloring.
First of all - as an Irish Jew, the above post by middler is rediculous. Most people feel an affinity to their ancestral homeland. When their allies, or cousins are under seige it is natural to want to help. While on their surface, the conflicts appear to be the same, they are not. First of all Irish Catholics have a state. Its called the republic of Ireland. Even if the protestants gained full control of the North, they would still have a state. That is not to argue the merits of either Catholic, protestant, UK, shared power, home rule or any other “solution” to the troubles in Northern Ireland. It is simply to express a fundamental fact.
Israel is another story - It seems lately like the statute of limitations of post holocaust anti-semitism has expired and people feel comfortable returning to good old fashioned Jew hatin’. The statement above that starts “buzz off Jew” along with this one are shameful examples.
Israel is the successful result of a global refugee crisis caused by Christian and occultist antisemites and chamipioned by Christian Anglo-American allies of human rights and justice. It is the worlds biggest refugee camp. That the American Jewry supports it (both Ashkenazi and Sephardi) is not a surprise, nor is it something they should have to apologize for. A nation that has given the world the 10 commandments, the new testament, the theory of relativity, workers rights, and have contributed to every field of human endeavour far above their numbers and have been repayed with pogrom, inquisition, holocaust, expultion, forced conversion, and pithy anti-jewish blog comments is really disgusting. And before you say, “see every time you criticize Israel someone calls you anti-semitic” I would suggest that Israel is happy to be held to the same standards as every other nation. The problem gets to be when they are admonished for protecting their citizens against threats within and without in the same manner that any other country would and does daily.
Happy St.Paddy’s Day.
Wow, that was a long-winded, but thoughtful tirade…The only problem is that you only included Jewish virtues and no vices in it….For instance, you excluded how many times the Zionist state has bit the very hand of those Christian Anglo-American allies you mentioned earlier… It’s events like the Lavon Affair and the bombing of the U.S.S. Liberty that raise the ire of people, not the fact that they contributed to science or political endeavor far beyond their overall numbers….They also contributed to Communism far beyond their overall numbers, but you left that part out for some reason…If you’re going to state a believable case, you really need to expose both sides of the truth, not just what’s convenient to mention…Are you not appalled as I am that in 2005, Israel chose to honor those terrorists invovled in “Operation Susannah”?..Instead of aknowledging this outrage, you choose to just chalk up any negative sentiment to “good old fashion Jew hatin’”…I can admire and applaud Jewish men like Jerry Lewis who raises millions every year for M.S. research, or Steve Guttenberg who serves up Sunday breakfast to local homeless people, however, I cannot turn a blind eye when overwhelming segments of the larger Jewish community call for the release of a scoundrel like Jonathan Pollard…Now I’m not suggesting that there aren’t unstable individuals out there who hate Jews for the same reasons certain other unstable individuals kick puppies…What I AM saying is that to blow off any and all criticism of Israel or the Jewish community as anti-semitism is completely irresponsible and ignorant…I’d be more than happy to hold Israel to the same standards as every other nation, but they must first stop behaving like they’re above it…