#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside
January 20, 2008 by clander
As mentioned earlier, white people love to be outside. But not everyone knows that another thing they like to do is make people feel bad for wanting to watch sports on TV or play videogames. While it would be easy to get angry at white people for this, remember it is hard wired in their head that the greatest thing a person can do in their free time is to hike/walk/bike outdoors.
Usually, they will see that you are preparing to enjoy your life and they will say “hey, lets go for a hike in the park,” and most people will say “hey, thanks but I’ve been working all week and I’m really excited about watching this game,” and then they will respond “don’t be a lump on the couch, you’re wasting your life away, etc…” If you ignore them, they will eventually go away.
And much like most things with white people - they win both ways. If you decide to go with them, they feel good about getting someone off the couch and “into the fresh air,” and if you don’t decide to go, they can spend their entire time outdoors saying “boy, this is great, X doesn’t know what he/she is missing!” and running on a mix of self-satisfaction, Odwalla juice and muesli.
i am a white person who pretends to love the outdoors. but secretly I hate them.
Oh jeeze i don’t even pretend. I LOVE TV, THERE I SAID IT, I LOVE TV, I LOVE TV, I LOVE TV
AND MY THIGHS ARE TO BIG FOR THOSE BIKES SHORTS, AND MY BUM IS TO HUGE, FOR RIDING A BIKE. ALL THAT ASS HANGING OVER THE SEAT.
AND HIKING IS JUST JUST JUST STUPID.
AND THEY DON’T MAKE OUTDOOR SPORTS WEAR PANTS LONG ENOUGH, I’M A TALL, BIG THIGHED BIG ASSED GIRL
DAMIT
I HATE THE OUTDOORS,
OR DO I JUST HATE MY BIG ASS AND BIG THIGHS,
NO, IT GOES BACK TO THE OUTDOOR WEAR. THERE IT IS, IT IS ALL BECAUSE OF THE OUTDOOR WEAR, THAT WHITE PEOPLE LOVE, WHICH ALSO A TOPIC ON THE LIST. SO I BLAME MY BIG ASS AND MY BIG THIGHS ON THE WHITE PEOPLE OUTDOOR WEAR, NOT LONG ENOUGH.
OK GOT TO GO WATCH TV NOW , HAVE A GREAT DAY, OUTSIDE
hahaha, you’re awesome dude
I pooped my pants
I’m with you. The only time I go outdoors is to get into my car so I can drive somewhere else that’s indoors.
Being half White/half Hispanic, I am torn between wanting to NOT waste my life watching TV and wanting to see the re-run of The Office that I’ve seen twice already.
Honestly - The Office usually wins.
My boyfriend (now husband) always wanted to go hiking and camping and luckily he gave up asking when I pointed out that sleeping in a tent was pointless when there was probably a 3 or 4 star hotel just a short distance away.
And I own NO North Face Fleece!
The outside is great when you can walk out of it into the air-conditioned splendor of your home. Not so great if you have no home. Being outdoors on a more or less constant basis is not conducive to having good skin. Have you seen the weathered, creased faces of the homeless ? Fresh air and sunshine, like Morrissey, organic foods, and beer with born-on dates, is incredibly over-rated.
That’s hysterical!
I’m white and I hate going outside, but I also hate watching sports. I’ll play a nice videogame any day though.
ANOTHER BEUTIFUL DAY SHOT TO HELL BECAUSE OF THIS BLOG!! IT’S LIKE WHAT RICHARD PRYOR SAID ABOUT LOCKING HIMSELF IN THE HOUSE WITH ALL THAT COCAINE, (ca.1982) “THE SHIT WOULD NOT LET ME OUT!!”
CONGRATULATIONS
YOU GLORIOUS BASTARDS!!!
Amen!
HAHAHAHAHAHA. this whole list is so hilariously-accurate! so true!
white people are fucking weird…(i’m speaking for my own race here)
Same. People make you feel lazy if you don’t love hiking or camping!!! No one can understand why it may be more fun for some to just read instead of bike.
FROM THE WOMB TO THE TOMB COUCH POTATOE TO THE DAY THAT DIE
OMFG I was married to one of those. It’s why I divorced him. Oh yes dear, let’s make our precious free time together a group activity with your wanker friends and glory in as much fear and physical labour as possible.
my ex-boyfriend would wake me from a nap after a long run (marathon training), and say “let’s go do something! it’s beautiful out! we must not waste the day!” to which i replied, “but i was doing ’something’ - i was napping.” yeah, he’s an ex.
I’m with you on that…i mean, come on, I can enjoy a beautiful from the inside of my (waterfront) house!!
Lazy
OMG. I have a friend who is obsessed with mountain biking. This activity does not interest me AT ALL. This person will not stop asking me to go Mountain biking. It is almost like a cult that she wants me to join.”I wish more women would get into the sport.” WhY? Why is it so important for women to get into mtn biking? If they wanted to MTN Bike they would—and many do—do it. Take your $7000 mtn bike and shove it!
My theory about white people and outdoor sports like mountain biking, hiking, kayaking, etc. is that white people are uncoordinated and thus terrible at any sport requiring hand-eye coordination, which means any sport with a ball. How many great white basketball players are there? Soccer? Maybe some baseball players, but come on, does baseball really require athleticism?
White people, especially men, like these outdoorsy activities because it makes them feel more masculine since they feel emasculated playing regular sports.
Rachel,you obviously don’t get out much or you would know how much coordination, endurance and skill is required for outdoor sports. These sports are not for the emasculated. On the other hand, “regular” sports are childsplay and for the developmentally arrested. I have snowshoed,faced off with a black bear, canoed for three days in a row and completed over 20 century rides, do you really think I feel inferior to someone playing softball? Get real!
YES
Wow. You canoed for THREE WHOLE DAYS?!! Shucks, you are a man
defensive much? sounds a bit like a gatorade advert. anyway, the key point was “eye-hand co-ordination”…
Now THAT might be the whitest comment EVAR.
you’re really bear grylls, aren’t you?
oh my god!
this is me!
i was - and am - a big nerd and can’t catch anything thrown right at me from 3 feet away.
but i can walk far - thanks to the stubbornness i inherited from my mom.
Hockey, bitch!
Re. Rachel….why is being good with a ball more masculine, while trekking through forests with gigantic packs living off seeds, isn’t? Don’t get it.
No one gets paid millions of dollars to walk in the woods. Hobos do that. Plus being able to handle a ball is alludes to being skilled with your balls, which is very masculine.
So many of these apply to a coworker I know. She claims she left her ex because he didn’t want to do crap like hiking. Who can blame him? Now she hikes alone. Lone female (white) hikers are usually heard about on the news “the body of a young caucasian woman was found yesterday…”.
I’ve found that a good response to anyone who ever says “don’t be a lump on the couch, you’re wasting your life away, etc…” is something like “Hey, granola bar, go f**k your mother!” They usually run away and cry because most white people can’t handle it when others are mean to them.
this is so true. As a white man i cant sit inside for too long, i will go crazy.
White people rave about the great outdoors and romaticize city life (they hate the suburbs, even though 99% of them grew up there), but they never see any contradiction there.
contradiction? where?
cities have higher population density, and leave more room for the great outdoors.
suburbs takes up a lot more room. it ain’t called sprawl for nothing.
-city loving, ex-suburbanite white guy, who likes reading in coffee shops more than being outside.
Go fer a walk, drain!
This is an indication of how little we know about each other. I am a White Philadelphian and I have lived here for all of my 55 years. I live in Northeast PHILA NOT SOME TRENDY SUBURB . I do love city living but I also love the outdoors. I am a conservative Republican,I like to fish, hunt,hike, kayak, canoe, and camp. Pennsylvania is a great state for outdoor activity. Every year I bike to the shore for the ACS ride. I don’t force my activities on anyone. By the same token, I think basketball and other team sports are boring.People do what they like with their own time. Don’t denigrate their activities because you don’t like them. Why should it bother you that other people are enjoying themselves.
All the activities you listed are challenging, but were never meant for sport. They were meant for survival. Snowshoeing, multiple-day canoeing, and facing bears were done in ancient times as a way to avoid dying. If you’re doing them now, you got everything backwards or probably got into a car accident in one of the lesser populated states.
i’m one of those white people who would become a great outdoorsman like john muir if only i had someone to drag me to such places. actually, i guess i rarely go outside.
One mustn’t forget the love of going outside in shorts/short sleeves when it is freezing out. Or running or jogging in the rain! LOL
there’s got to be someting more to proove than their leisurelyness, making me feel more cold, shivering at the bus stop!
LOL@ Muke
So many of these apply to a coworker I know. She claims she left her ex because he didn’t want to do crap like hiking. Who can blame him? Now she hikes alone. Lone female (white) hikers are usually heard about on the news “the body of a young caucasian woman was found yesterday…”.
@Corey, so THAT’S why whiteys like to jog outside regardless of the weather. It’s a compulsion!
Screw that. I’m a white male (I’m a blonde haired, blue eyed, pallor mother fucker,) and I cannot stand the outdoors. I’d rather play video games than go sweat my ass off hiking or doing other shit outdoors. My girlfriend is all into being outside…Praise Odin she has friends she can do that with while I sit in my air conditioning and mock the fools stupid enough to go hiking.
I also live in Boulder, CO, so imagine my suffering. God damn hippies.
stuffblackpeoplelike - eating watermelon! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - pumping oil! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - gang warfare! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - eating beans! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - shooting heroin! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - welfare! hahaha!!!
stuffjewishpeoplelike - keeping money! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffchinesepeoplelike - eating rice! hahaha!!!
stuffarabpeoplelike - kissing goats! hahaha!!!
stuffmexicanpeoplelike - wearing sombreros! hahaha!!!
stuffblackpeoplelike - sniffing glue! hahaha!!!
aren’t i funny and clever!!!
don’t you dare call me a racist!!!
You said “wearing sombreros” twice.
You’re really annoying. Can you like… not put hahaha and/or exactly three exlamation marks after every sentence?
How gay was that?
Fine. You’re not racist. But you’re not funny either.
do you have acne and masturbate often?
psycho
Awwww, did this blog hit a little too close to home for you?
Spot on, especially the part about making u feel like shit.
I’m white and I don’t care whether people go outside or inside. Sometimes I like being outside and sometimes I like being inside. Let me know!
Hey Illuminator, as your girlfriend, I’d just like to say that you just called me a fool…you’re not getting laid for a while. Have a nice day. :)~
She’s probably shagging her “friends” on the hike anyway!
He also called you stupid.
Or is that just because he’s blue-eyed? 
Does he shout at you, too? Does he require from you to “look good” even if he doesn’t?
Or maybe he is fat from all that chillin’?
What do you put up with, actually?
One further step in your healthy living would probably be to dump him. And go on hiking by all means.
I love stereotypes because they’re true. Please you lazy pieces get off of the couch and do something with your life. TV is worthless.
So, no self-respecting white person would drink an Odwalla juice since that is made by Coca-Cola and we all know how they abuse union organizers in Colombia.
I hate when people believe that standing outside doing nothing > sitting inside doing nothing. At least when I’m inside, I’m already home, and I don’t have to smell any pollution or hippies.
White girl here. I love staying at home, always have. Appreciate the outdoors, blah blah, but there’s nothing quite like lounging about the house doing nothing. No guilt, thank you very much!
I’m not a hardcore outdoorsy gal, but the occasional hike, white water rafting, or snowboarding is fun
I like a healthy balance of both indoors and outdoors. On a glorious day, who wouldn’t want to be outside? BUT, currently living in India, the air quality is so bad, I’m forced to stay the majority of my time indoors 
But doesn’t the smell of curry,and b. o. get you sick,
Jeeze why do they all have b.o. and smell like curry, we are in the new malenium, haven’t they bloody heard of DEODARANT!!!!!!!!! DEODARANT!!!!!!!!!!!
Put some on!!!
And here in America, there are stores EVERYWHERE, with DEODARANT,
Hey Indian people from India, buy some DEODARANT!!!!!
I have no other issues, with the Indian people other than they stink, other than that you are all ok.
Thank you for letting me vent about B.O
Hey you, learn to spell DEODORANT!!!
eehh , thats not the point of my blog. sorry some white people don’t know how to spell deodorant, but we know how to wear it. My arm pits smell like a spring shower. And Indians don’t.
Not that I have anything against Indian People once again, just buy and wear deodorant,
Take care and have a great day.
Dude, have you ever been to Korea? In a country that already reeks of fish, 75% the population excretes So Ju and Kimichi 24/7.
ewwwwww. i sat next to a korean dude last year in my history class and he smells hardcore. it’s like rotten kimchi all the way. gross.
malenium? what is a malenium? a new shop for buying males? how many species does it cater to?I am looking for some male mice to breed with my female mice that I bought from the femalenium.
whoopsie, i guess i should spell check my blogs,
it made me giggle out loud, …….femalenium….. funny
see i can laugh at my self
I like being outside, but what blows me away is how hiking requires all this specialized gear, like one of those expensive “Nalgene bottles.” White people are always talking about their “Nalgene’s” and how they won’t break, even if they’re dropped from the top of a rock wall or something (white people love rock climbing!). The thing is, these bottles are too bulky to fit in any kind of pocket, and usually have to be awkwardly hung from a “caribbeaner,” a rock climbing accessory that is also used by lots of white people who don’t do rock climbing. My mom needs special socks that wipe the sweat away from her feet when she’s hiking.
Do you enjoy walking around with wet socks, that squish when you step? Well, that explains the wicking socks, retard.
Also, how often do you carry a water bottle in your pocket? Do you wear clown pants or something??
Most things you choose to do will require “specialized gear”, or you’re doing a shitty job, and you won’t enjoy it for long.
You’re a moron.
Snickering out loud @ “how often do you carry a water bottle in your pants? Do you wear clown pants or something?” Very funny.
oh god, i have one of those nalgene bottles! and i AM really excited about its unbreakability…but i don’t really hike with it, i fill it with mixed drinks and take it to the river. so i guess i do hike with it, but it’s filled with liquor, not water.
“wipe the sweat away from her feet” - thats called “wicking away moisture” in outdoors-ey store lingo.
@ # 19…must be fine and dandy being indoors with the rest of the Indian people.
lololololol…at anonymous #1. I live in Boston and I sometimes see people running in the rain, under zero weather and other extreme conditions. Why would you do that when there are gyms everywhere? Probably preparing for the Boston marathon…lol
guilty as charged…
ah, you forgot redheads. Those folks too white to go outside most of the year, otherwise they’ll burn to a crisp.
fuck, I’m not even a redhead, but my father is and I seem to have inherited the propensity to burn in moments anyway.
Hmm, I agree with this… but there’s another type of white people and I think it’s important to say this too. There’s those white people glorify the outdoors and the act of exercising and crap like tha